Monday, June 28, 2010

The More Things Change The More Bullshit Still Smells Funny

Thanks to my friend Shrub, I had the pleasure of experiencing BP's latest effort in right brain trance induction.



I don't know, maybe the hypnotism works better when it's on a TV. Anyway, this sent me on a nostalgic quest down memory lane, back to the halcyon days before oil passed its sell by date, grew mold, & became inedible & dangerous.

First up, we have conclusive proof that all those Gulf fishermen are a bunch of whiny ignoramuses, worrying needlessly about their precious little livelihoods.




See what I mean. The damn oysters LOVED
living in oil. In fact, I think that BP, realizing that the beneficial wonderfulness of oil should be given to all the little oysters & their offspring, not to mention all the other sea critters that have lived lives of salty, water filled oil deprivation, is just fulfilling their Mission Statement and living up to their ecological commitments by replacing all that useless seawater with black gold.

Now just imagine all the healthful consumer goodies we get from oil.

We get petroleum jelly:

petroleum jelly

NOUN: A colorless-to-amber semisolid mixture of hydrocarbons obtained from petroleum and used in lubricants and medicinal ointments. Also called petrolatum.



Alrighty then. Now remember, the next time you see some left wing anti-corporate propaganda that uses an image like this:



just keep in mind that the little birdie will never suffer from chapped lips or dry skin again. I won't bother getting into all the gooey benefits the little birdie will gain should he find that he has a predilection for anal sex.

Now this little guy here:



has definitely had a hard day at the office & a night plagued by screaming destructive toddlers. So he will benefit from oil's mysterious Bayer effect:





Then we have those ever handy Band-Aids:



Gee, ain't those kids just the cutest?
Now, when you see a photo like this:



just remember that the poor little dolphin may have had a really big boo-boo, and his dolphin mommy just stuck some Band-Aid on him. I think he'd even be singing if his mommy didn't mistakenly Band-Aid his mouth shut.

I don't know. Singing & oil seemed to be quite the team back in the day. Back before all those sweaty un-bathed environmental activists, with their perpetually dry skin, chapped lips, un-Band-Aid-ed boo-boos & migraines started fucking it up for the rest of us. Just a big bunch of sickly cry babies if ya ask me.

Personally, I prefer Bing Crosby:



& Sammy Davis Junior:



Heck, even the service station attendants sang back before "THE LIB-ER-ALS" effed it up for us all.



Big Oil is so thoughtful, they even included some cartoons for the kiddies.





Man, I loved cartoons when I was a kid. Now, just so we're clear on this, eco-wienies with chapped lips are bad, but with big oil, we're all cupped lovingly in their good hands. Kind of like a slippier version of All State.



Hey, maybe that's it.
BP needs to hire this guy:



because his look-a-like:



isn't getting the job done.

If you happen to doubt any of this, just remember what oil did for these folks:




Good day y'all, & happy motoring.

12 comments:

Belliosto said...

In 1920 the international League of Nations assigned pieces of the Ottoman empire to the victors, putting Mesopotamia under a British administration. This arrangement, called a mandate, meant that Britain would establish a responsible Arab government in the territory according to a league-approved timetable. The failure of the British to fulfill their promises of independence encouraged Arab nationalism. Now the country became a British Mandate - due, in no small part, to the British interest in Iraqi oil fields.

In 1927, discovery of huge oil fields near Karkuk brought many improvements to Iraq. The Iraqis granted oil rights to the Iraqi Petroleum Company -a British dominated, multinational firm

The Iraqi invasion of Kuwait was the result of a long-standing territorial dispute. Iraq accused Kuwait of violating the Iraqi border to secure oil resources, (on July 17, 1990 Saddam Hussein accused Kuwait and the United Arab Emirates of flooding the world oil market. In addition, he singled out Kuwait for the production of oil from a disputed supply, the Rumaila oil field), and demanded that its debt repayments should be waived. Direct negotiations were begun in July 1990, but they were destined soon to fail; along with reassurance from the United States making a claim that they would not get involved (the famous meeting of Saddam Hussein with April Glaspie, the United States Ambassador to Iraq, on the 25th of July, 1990). This was the go ahead that Hussein needed.

Saddam Hussein: "As you know, for years now I have made every effort to reach a settlement on our dispute with Kuwait. There is to be a meeting in two days; I am prepared to give negotiations only this one more brief chance. (pause) When we [the Iraqis] meet [with the Kuwaitis] and we see there is hope, then nothing will happen. But if we are unable to find a solution, then it will be natural that Iraq will not accept death."

U.S. Ambassador Glaspie:"What solutions would be acceptable?"

Saddam Hussein: "If we could keep the whole of the Shatt al Arab - our strategic goal in our war with Iran - we will make concessions (to the Kuwaitis). But, if we are forced to choose between keeping half of the Shatt and the whole of Iraq (which, in Saddam's view, includes Kuwait) then we will give up all of the Shatt to defend our claims on Kuwait to keep the whole of Iraq in the shape we wish it to be. (pause) What is the United States' opinion on this?"

(Pause, then Ambassador Glaspie speaks carefully)
U.S. Ambassador Glaspie: "We have no opinion on your Arab-Arab conflicts, such as your dispute with Kuwait. Secretary (of State James) Baker has directed me to emphasize the instruction, first given to Iraq in the 1960's that the Kuwait issue is not associated with America."

(Saddam smiles.)

just_another_dick said...

Mr. B., don't forget how oil & Britain's desire to keep Germany from getting any led to WW1. Germany was an up and coming power while Britain had seen better days. Germany developed a coal driven ship larger & faster than anything the British had afloat. Germany was also constructing a railway system directly to Baghdad, having her sites set on Iraqi oil also.

One thing led to another and 8,556,315 gullible dipshits shed their mortal coils.

Fuck, when you think about it, killing an ocean is a fucking drop, albeit a big drop, in the bucket to these motherfuckers.

Morocco Bama said...

Remember this just one short month ago?

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2010/06/bp-turns-to-political-shop-for-50-million-ad-buy-to-convince-you-the-company-will-get-this-done-and-.html

By now you've likely seen or heard BP's new ad campaign -- in newspapers, on radio, TV, and the internet -- aimed at conveying to you that the company gets it. Independent analysts estimate the cost of the public relations and ad campaign as at least $50 million.

Well, it wasn't just TV ads that were the intention of that money. It turns out BP wants the Small People to eat the oil/corexit coated seafood, as well. And I'm sure the Small People will because the Small People always do as they're told.

http://www.floridaoilspilllaw.com/is-bp-lobbying-to-increase-the-amount-of-oil-allowed-in-seafood

BP and other oil interests want the food declared safe to limit its liability and to halt further erosion of the industry’s reputation.

I'll be damned if that's not right in line with Richard's expose.

I've been searching for that DDT Propaganda film where there is a large group of people having a picnic at a public pool and they're spraying them with thick clouds of DDT to show just how safe it is. I can't seem to locate it. It was the most over-the-top propaganda I have ever witnessed. I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. These people were eating their bologna sandwiches with those 1950's smiles on their faces all the while clouds are DDT are obscuring your view of their shiny happy world.

ericswan said...

This is not working for me. Google has pulled a game changer and I'm not liking it. The big switch hangs over our heads like the sword of Damocles. And England swings like a pendulum do.

Your main conspiracy guys seem to think that the carbon tax, the health care, the hate laws, the secret government the gun laws and on and on...will be the end of America as we know it. I hope so. That would make you more like us (Canada) who have had these things for ever.

ericswan said...

I suppose they were just thinking of the environment when they decided to make the Mississippi River and the Gulf of Mexico a sewer and carbon capture/algae farm. All they needed was for the gulf to be abandoned by the fish and their ilk so that the ethanol crowd to take over with their algae producing ethanol farms.

http://www.blogster.com/joannemor/s
tartling-reveletions-more-going-on-
in-the-gulf-of-mexico-than-an-oil-
spill

Morocco Bama said...

Eric, you need to review your links a bit more closely. This woman, and her cohorts who post, are big Glenn Beck fans. This comment is from her twisted analysis is an example. These people are duplicitous scum engaged by the Corporations to misdirect and disinform. There is definitely something afoot with the GOM disaster. but it's not what this woman spouts.

Okay lets chat a moment about what happened. What the well explosion due to human error, was it on purpose by a human, was it the work of military for hire groups like Xe, Blackwater, DynCorp or Triple Canopy? We will never really know. Since SAIC has full control, they know the answer, but in the end, does it matter? The well exploded. Now the question is why? Destroy big oil and American business and jobs. What will takes it place? Ah hah, glad you asked, algae. Who is behind this? Crime, Inc. which by the way is much bigger than Beck is able to report and for that matter than we can report, but we are gonna try.

just_another_dick said...

Eric, the only thing that would end America as we know it would be a sudden national surge in IQ. I don't see any "laws" on the horizon that will make that happen.

The algae farm idea sounds a bit unrealistic Eric. The idea that wealthy folk who have gotten insanely wealthy burning carbon suddenly decide to get even more insanely wealthy by inventing a "fake carbon problem" seems a bit obtuse.
Why invent a carbon problem?
Why not just keep on burning the shit. Its not like the energy market was shrinking.


So Shrub, I take it you're not a Beckian.
I found him funny for a while.
Now he's just annoying.
I don't really understand how his constant posturing & pontificating is so fucking popular.
His jokes are never funny & he looks like a Boy Scout troop leader who has an unhealthy penchant for little boys.

By the way Shrub, I made an attempt at finding your DDT video.
No luck, but it did lead me to this guy:

http://leedoren.com

One of his blog posts pointed out that DDT saved more people from malarial hell than it ever harmed.

Beck seems to adore him.
I find him to be a typical Young Republican. Long on wind, but short on gonads.

He's obviously young enough to be cannon fodder in Iraq or Afghanistan but, being a complete pussy, he opts to "defend liberty" from his blogger chair.

What a hoot.

By the way, don't visit the little shit unless you really really want to be annoyed.

just_another_dick said...

Eric, the only thing that would end America as we know it would be a sudden national surge in IQ. I don't see any "laws" on the horizon that will make that happen.

The algae farm idea sounds a bit unrealistic Eric. The idea that wealthy folk who have gotten insanely wealthy burning carbon suddenly decide to get even more insanely wealthy by inventing a "fake carbon problem" seems a bit obtuse.
Why invent a carbon problem?
Why not just keep on burning the shit. Its not like the energy market was shrinking.


So Shrub, I take it you're not a Beckian.
I found him funny for a while.
Now he's just annoying.
I don't really understand how his constant posturing & pontificating is so fucking popular.
His jokes are never funny & he looks like a Boy Scout troop leader who has an unhealthy penchant for little boys.

By the way Shrub, I made an attempt at finding your DDT video.
No luck, but it did lead me to this guy:

http://leedoren.com

One of his blog posts pointed out that DDT saved more people from malarial hell than it ever harmed.

Beck seems to adore him.
I find him to be a typical Young Republican. Long on wind, but short on gonads.

He's obviously young enough to be cannon fodder in Iraq or Afghanistan but, being a complete pussy, he opts to "defend liberty" from his blogger chair.

What a hoot.

By the way, don't visit the little shit unless you really really want to be annoyed.

Morocco Bama said...

Holy Shit, Batman!! I found it!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQzx2ZyaSbw&feature=related

It's not an SNL spoof, but it might as well as be.

Richard, how did you guess I'm not a Beckian? :-)) I can't tell if he's just a put on, or actually believes his own shit. I think it's both, but it depends on the day. In the end, it's all about this for him, one way or the other:

http://publicintelligence.net/glenn-beck

Take a look at the link....the site is rather interesting:

Here's what they have to say about Beck, and other notable media figures. Can't say as I disagree with their excellent point.

Now, to answer your larger question. The reason we posted this was to do something that you have completely ignored through this entire process: make publicly available Mr. Beck’s home address. We believe that individuals like Mr. Beck are enemies of the free flow of information. They are people who purposely mislead, providing disinformation along taking points they have been given by far more powerful entities to propel political discourse according to their will. We have been studying all media outlets of late, though particularly Mr. Murdoch’s operations, because they play a vital role in defining the standard of discourse for larger media discussions, creating effective memes that are able to be conveyed via ignorant persons unable to know better. Mr. Beck does this willingly and profits from it handsomely....

Neutrality is an illusion and fighting for it is, perhaps, worse even than fighting for Mr. Beck. At least with Beck people might be fighting for something. With neutrality, you are fighting for nothing. That is why “bias” is such a disturbing idea. So-called “unbiased” reporting has been responsible for the propagation of more lies than misrepresentation ever could. The type of neutrality you are describing is an even more insidious form of bias, one which requires that facts be omitted because of their perceived interpretation. A perfect example of this is the comment about a “history of drug and alcohol abuse”. While you are perfectly correct in saying that this is likely a widespread condition among all political perspectives, it still remains a fact. Moreover, we would hope that this fact would be brought up in any profile of any person’s life who suffered from similar problems.

Morocco Bama said...

I'm not a Daily Show fan boy, by any means, but I ran across this in a google search for spoofs on Glenn Beck. Stewart takes him to task. It's pretty funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JnDY2Gv5YQ

Morocco Bama said...

Don't blame Glenn Beck, blame those who exploit his illness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoASELccAr0&feature=related

just_another_dick said...

John Stewart did nail the absurdity of being Beck quite nicely.

Did you see the kid in the UK who has a pretty successful anti-Beck campaign that's keeping most companies from running ads during his show?

Here's the website:

http://stopbeck.com

Some of the older Beck stuff, where he rants about the sorry state of US health care, is quite funny when placed against his current rants about the greatness of the US health care system.

Every time I see Glenn, I picture him as the weepy sloppy drunk he used to be, and then I thank Allah, Rimbaud & Ronald McDonald, that our barfly days never crossed paths. Seriously, could you imagine Becky soused to the gills & stuck to your side at some hole in the wall bar? Since the guy is prone to random bouts of weepy self pity when he's sober, I couldn't imagine how obnoxious he'd be as a drunk.