Saturday, March 30, 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Juicy As A Can Of Spam (This Is For All My Spamulon Brethren)

It's the divorce that could split up control of America's fastest growing oil company and lead to a record-breaking paycheck for the wife who claims her husband cheated.
Harold Hamm, 67, who ranks No. 35 on Forbes' list of richest Americans, is a self-made man worth more than $11 billion.
Sue Ann Hamm, 56, Harold's second wife, filed for divorce on May 19, 2012, claiming that she discovered he was having an affair in 2010, eventually prompting her to end their nearly 25-year marriage.
Hamm was the senior energy advisor on Mitt Romney's presidential campaign and is so wealthy that the candidate allegedly shied away from appearing in public with him. An industry leader, Hamm is a promoter of fracking - the business of squeezing oil out of rocks in places like North Dakota.
The divorce could award Sue Ann Hamm's part of Harold Hamm's 68 percent stake in Continental Resources - the oil company he and his wife built together.
Wow, this guy looks like the innards of a Spam can sculpted into a humanoid shape & then left out to bake in the sun. I couldn't think of a more fitting name than Harold Hamm.

What a hoot!!

Rare photo of Spam gang bang
or Spam Bang.

Sunday, March 17, 2013





Friday, March 15, 2013

A wealth research group called Spectrem Group announced that 300,000 people have joined the status of millionaires.

&, once again, I'm not one of them.

Hey, there's always tomorrow.

I find it best to stay positive.

To keep a stiff upper lip.

To always turn that frown upside down

& always remember that

when life hands you a bag of lemons

you need to go & make some lemonade.

I try to be thankful

& humble

& contrite

I LOL whenever possible

& I S(hit)M(y)P(ants)L(aughing) at ever opportunity

like the recent bar shooting in Mexico

that was a rib tickler

& yeah yeah yeah

I know that there are homeless people

but they're homeless cause they want to be

plain & simple

God doesn't give you more than you can handle

He loves us too much

Did you know that He sent His only Son

To die for our sins

You should thank Him

Right now


This minute

Do it


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

While driving to work on Sunday morning I happened to glance at the marquee of a Catholic Church I was passing. Sunday's sermon title was posted. It said:

"Why God thinks we're special."

Wow, isn't humanity great?

Not only are we massive egoists who have managed to decimate the planet,  most of the other animal species on the planet, along with any group of humans who disagree with us, but we also need to know that "God thinks we're special."

What a fucking hoot.

We're like sociopaths suffering from insecurity issues.

Or, better yet, a giant tumor with low self esteem.

WILL IT NEVER FUCKING END?????????????????????

On & on it goes, like a taped looped bowel movement...

Sunday, March 3, 2013

My oldest son got to experience his first school shooter lockdown last week.


21st century America is soooooooooo fucking cool. Each day is a potential foray into an action flick. Luckily it was a false alarm.

Maybe we can convince Steven Seagal & his millions of hours of weapons training to journey  here for a little posse forming.

I also think the whole "lockdown" plan is utterly brilliant. First you lock the shooter in with the kids. Then you lock the kids in their classrooms behind doors with big fucking glass windows in them.

From what I understand, primarily from the voices in my head, glass is an excellent bullet repellant.

I bet you didn't know that.
A student's outgoing voice mail message quoting the theme to "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" led to a school lockdown in Ambridge, Pa.
The Times Online in Beaver, Pa., explains what happened. A receptionist from a doctor's office called to remind student Travis Clawson about an upcoming appointment. Clawson didn't pick up, so the call went to voice mail.
The receptionist heard what sounded like a threat about "shooting" and "school" on Clawson's outgoing message. Apparently, the message was intended to quote a lyric from the Will Smith sitcom's theme song that goes, "And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school." It's unclear if the receptionist misheard Clawson's message or if the student altered the lyrics.
The receptionist notified police, who notified school officials, who instituted a lockdown on every school in the county. After 20 frantic minutes, authorities located Clawson in the high school's guidance counselor's office.
Police took him into custody and interviewed him. It was then that Clawson explained his message was just a riff on the popular '90s sitcom about a young Philadelphia man who goes to live with his "auntie and uncle in Bel Air." According to Times Online, District Attorney Anthony Berosh said that after listening to the message closely it was determined that it did follow the Quincy Jones-penned song. Clawson was released and no charges were filed.
No word on whether he said "Smell ya later" upon being cleared.