Wednesday, April 27, 2011


I'm sitting here as rain pelts my window, thinking about this guitar player named Bob who used to jam with my best friend. Shortly after Chernobyl, the three of us were walking through downtown Pittsburgh when it started to rain. We quickly sought shelter in the doorway of a building and, as each pedestrian passed by, Bob politely informed them that "It's radiating." He would then point to the sky & the rain falling from it.
Most completely ignored him. A minority looked at him as if he were insane.

So Bob, tonight it's radiating again. The news media, having milked the Japanese nuclear crisis for days, has moved on to other things. Royal worship, Trump/Obama "birther" bullshit.
Anything of total irrelevance to keep the herd quiet & docile.

But Japan hasn't magically healed.

& the radiation hasn't magically disappeared. Instead it's flying around the world towards a milk carton or leafy vegetable near you.

On a happier note, oil companies are showing record profits.

While many Americans are seething at gas prices, which have hit $5 per gallon in parts of the country, big oil companies are expected to report significant first quarter profits later this week.

Analysts say they expect the world's largest non-government controlled oil company, Exxon, to report a staggering $10 billion profit -- a 60 percent increase.

Shell is expected to post a healthy 22.2 percent gain, translating to $5.9 billion for the company, which is right on par with competitor Chevron's profits.

It's enough to make people grappling with how to survive the pain at the pump furious.

"We're the ones getting shafted," said Jack Foley, a New York City driver.

But experts say you shouldn't cast blame on big oil -- they're not responsible for setting the price.

The real culprit, said Samantha Gross, an energy analyst at IHS Global, are speculators in the oil futures market who bid the prices up, hedging their pocketbooks on the belief that conflict will get worse in the Middle East.

"The Sunoco and Exxons can't do much about that," Gross said. "It's good for them when they're high, but they don't have much ability to change them."

Over at the RI forum, I spent a bit of time reading a thread entitled "Radionics without Retards," where someone posted this:

Speaking of which, it's too bad richard / just_another_dick doesn't show his smarmy self around here.

I suppose I should be flattered that I'm remembered. I even thought about replying but I have no idea what I'd say. I have no idea what "radionics" is, not that it matters since the thread quickly degenerated into a discussion about the relative merits of the word "retard."

The world is inundated in toxins, large portions of the world's population struggle to survive from day to day, yet liberals still find time to moan about words.

As if it matters. I've spent over 18 years around nature's little screw-ups & I'd say that 90% of them wouldn't understand or care if you called them "retards" or "Shakespeares" or "pudding cups."

Some forum head posted a cutesy picture of a little Down's syndrome kid. Really quite touching. Then "justdrew" got all alpha male,

and that is one beautiful and fantastic child seemslikeadream!
anyone tries to call him a name, send them my way...

Geez, I don't know about you, but I'm scared.

Or not.

My first weekend on the job, while hunched over doing paperwork, I heard a loud PLOP above my head. I looked up to see a huge lump of shit stuck to the wall above my head. If I would have been minding my posture like a good little boy, I'd have taken that baby full in the face.
The shit slinger was this Down's guy who, surprisingly enough, looked just as cute when he was a tot.

I'm tempted to ask "justdrew' if he'd still love the little cutey pie in 20 years when the tot is all grown up and flinging feces at him.

The real truth is that we don't actually give too much of shit about retards.
Feebs neither.
Imbeciles & idiots & spazzes are on our short list also.

A hundred years ago we wanted to euthanize them out of existence, 60 years ago we fed them irradiated Wheaties, today we stick them in creepy adult day care centers with poorly trained & poorly educated & poorly paid staff, many of whom I wouldn't trust to babysit my cat. Then we act all shocked & shaken when things go awry & abuses happen.

Figuring this out is fairly simple. All one has to do is look at what this field pays yoohoos like me. Without copious amounts of overtime my 18 years of experience caring for those poor intellectually challenged diaper fillers that liberals so love gives me a salary that is considered poverty level for a family of 4.

Our last raise was a dime.

It's like they piss on your head & expect you to smile about it.

Our health care is increasing constantly so, when all is said & done in about 6 months, I'll be taking home $300 less each month.

Even with today's shitty job outlook, we're still chronically understaffed.

Not that I blame people. It just doesn't pay enough.

Not that anyone cares.

They're too busy worrying about the meanness quotient implicit in the words that are used to describe the people they never get near.

Monday, April 25, 2011

That Old Time Religion Part 3 (The Mourning After)

To be fair, I think this was a cheap shot fired across Voodoo's bow since the Voodoo folk seem to be more dignified.

I will say that the Christians have a better sense of humor though.

Also, you'd never find this guy at a Voodoo ceremony:


Thursday, April 21, 2011

That Old Time Religion Part 2

If Daniel Hopsicker was this chap
he could speak in tongues.

If Daniel Hopsicker was this fellow
he could sing in tongues.

If Daniel Hopsicker was either of these guys
he could clown around in tongues.

Maybe Daniel Hopsicker needs
to spend a few days
like the man below
before he will be able to do anything
even remotely interesting
with his TONGUE.

Happy "Hang Your God Out To Air Dry" day!


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

That Old Time Religion Part 1

Given the Easter holiday & the fact that I'm in a sharing mood today, I'd like to talk about one of my on-line addictions. While it doesn't involve compulsive masturbation, it is, in many respects, not much better than having a porn monkey on one's back. I, your humble John Thomas, am addicted to Pastor Steven Anderson.

Anyone here who has traveled through the on-line conspiracy community will remember Pastor Anderson from this video:

This video was the rage of the millisecond a few months after Obama assumed his role as chief attendant at our little red, white & blue outhouse.
It was touted as unassailable evidence that we are on the road to fascism & concentration camps.

I'm not here to quibble with those assertions.


I'm just finding a nice comfy storage facility for my stash.

First up, we have Pastor Anderson defending every man's scrotal sack & his right to dangle it above a toilet rather than in it.

Do you feel enlightened? Just a bit? Come on, be honest, I bet you didn't know that Germany is attempting to force men to squat & wee wee, now didja?

About 1.8 million toilets are already haunted by Spuk, or Spook, as the little $10 device is called. Attached to the underside of the toilet seat, Spuk quietly endures sitting visitors. But anyone trying to lift the seat and attempt to stand and urinate (known as “Stehpinkeln“) should be prepared for the ghost’s unrelenting wrath.

“Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don’t want any trouble, you’d best sit down,” one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.

“Excuse me, but there’s a penalty for peeing while standing in this house,” it warns culprits. “You’d better not risk any problems and sit down!”

Other versions start roaring like a lion or try to persuade stubborn customers with the soothing voice of a female flight attendant

Spuk on the lidPatentwert, the manufacturers of Spuk, say they are ready to direct their gadgets at the British market.

Their prototype English-speaking “WC ghost”: (WC = Water Closet which = toilet), says in an American drawl:

“Don’t you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who’s behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha.”

Honestly, I don't know if this is true or not. Every site hosting this story seems to reference the same place. One site did give a link to a Daily Telegraph story but that link is long dead.

But that's pretty much irrelevant. It's the subtext that I find interesting.

Next, Pastor Anderson takes issue with anyone who feels that Jesus didn't where pants.

I'm a bit fuzzy on the pants issue. If I'm not mistaken the word "pants" traditionally referred to underwear. Equating it with "slacks" is a fairly recent addition. Anyway, I'm also fairly certain that the first examples of "pants" were worn by both men & women, a bit of transgender hoodoo that would probably make Pastor Anderson quite uncomfortable.

Again though, subtext is the key.

& the key seems to revolve around penis possession.

Personally, I've always found God's gender to be quite fascinating. The idea that the Creator of everything possesses observable genitalia is both amusing & terrifying. (Although it does explain some of my bad days, where I awake instantly feeling as if I've spent hours being slapped in the face with a gigantic scrotal sack.)

The amusing part is self explanatory. (If not, just picture God with his ball sack stuck to His right leg or Goddess affixing a cosmos size sanitary napkin while zapping suns into PMS supernova & I think you'll be on the right track.)

The terrifying part is probably equally self evident given the unquenchable hunger that seems to dominate our little slice of Eden. If God has a cock, it's the cock of a serial rapist &, should He be a She, you know that Goddess' moist over-sized vagina is laced with sharp little teeth just aching for a meaty snack.

But I digress...back to Pastor Anderson.

Honestly, I found that one to be the most shocking. I didn't realize that one could heckle preachers. I think I've found the beginnings of a new hobby.

As for Pastor Anderson, I cling to the small hope that a video of his tazing will one day surface on UTube or Disclose TV. I can't help but feel that his most heartfelt sermonizing occurred there, twitching at the end of a high voltage cable.

Now that I've doled out enough crazy Baptist preacher smack to hook a chess club, I know you'll need more, so you can visit Pastor Anderson at any UTube franchise in your neighborhood or you can hop in your virtual Lexus & drive over to his blog.

Here's a taste from his "Why Most People who are Saved through Soul-winning will not Come to our Church" blog post. I give you reason #7:

7. They are too lazy to come to church.

Because as a church we knock every door in each area we go soul-winning, much of our time is spent knocking doors in slums and ghettos. Many of the people who get saved have very little character and are very unreliable people. Many of them want to come to church and have every intention of coming to church but do not have the character to get themselves out of bed in the morning and drag themselves to church. Many of them can't even hold down a job, let alone come to church on Sunday.

Cheers & Happy Dead God Day!

Monday, April 18, 2011

S(uck it) & P(uddinhead)

I really don't know what's funnier. S & P still rating the US economy as AAA, much like those toxic assets that originally tanked the economy. Or that S & P still has any credibility whatsoever since they were complicit accessories in the biggest financial heist in US history.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A key credit agency issued an unprecedented warning to the United States government Monday, urging Washington to get a grip on its finances or risk losing the nation's sterling credit rating.

For the first time, Standard & Poor's lowered its long-term outlook for the federal government's fiscal health from "stable" to "negative," and warned of serious consequences if lawmakers fail to reach a deal to control the massive federal deficit.

An impasse could prompt the agency to strip the government of its top investment rating in the next two years, S&P said. A loss of the triple-A rating would ripple through the American economy, making loans more expensive and credit more difficult to obtain.

The downgrade was interpreted as a rebuke to President Barack Obama and congressional Republicans, admonishing them to put politics aside and come up with a long-term financial plan as soon as possible.

"This is a warning: Don't mess around," said Robert Bixby, executive director of the Concord Coalition, a nonpartisan group that is pushing for deficit reduction.

Analysts at S&P have never before used the outlook to cast doubt on the nation's credit worthiness.

In response, stocks suffered their worst slide in a month. The Dow Jones industrial average plunged 245 points before recovering to close down 140 points for the day.

"The credit quality of U.S. debt is sacrosanct, and legislators will do everything within their power to avoid a downgrade," said Jack Ablin, chief investment officer at Harris Private Bank.

“Investors trusted credit rating agencies to issue accurate and impartial credit ratings, but that trust was broken in the recent financial crisis,” said Levin. “A conveyor belt of high risk securities, backed by toxic mortgages, got AAA ratings that turned out not to be worth the paper they were printed on. The agencies issued those AAA ratings using inadequate data and outmoded models. When they finally fixed their models, they failed for a year -- while delinquencies were climbing -- to re-evaluate the existing securities. Then, in July 2007, the credit rating agencies instituted a mass downgrade of hundreds of mortgage backed securities, sent shockwaves through the economy, and the financial crisis was on. By first instilling unwarranted confidence in high risk securities and then failing to downgrade them in a responsible manner, the credit rating agencies share blame for the massive economic damage that followed.”

Friday’s hearing will examine case studies involving the two largest U.S. credit rating agencies, Standard & Poor’s and Moody’s. The Subcommittee investigation found that these agencies relied on ratings models that failed to predict default rates for high risk home loans, such as subprime, Option ARM, and interest-only mortgages, that made up an increasingly large part of the market. Documents obtained by the Subcommittee show credit rating analysts also often acted with unclear guidance, uncertain criteria, and incomplete understanding of the complex investments they had to evaluate. The agencies also failed to respond to the higher credit risk posed by mortgage fraud, lax lending standards, and poor quality loans in the marketplace.

From 2002 to 2007, the credit rating agencies earned record profits, reporting $6 billion in gross revenues in 2007. They also allowed the drive for profits and market share to affect ratings. Knowing that Wall Street firms might take their business elsewhere if they didn’t get investment-grade ratings for their products, the agencies were vulnerable to pressure from issuers and investment bankers. As one Moody’s executive wrote in October 2007: “It turns out that ratings quality has surprisingly few friends: issuers want high ratings; investors don’t want rating downgrades; short-sighted bankers labor … to game the rating agencies.”

Monday, April 11, 2011

Prophecies R Us

Obama's debt cutting plan: Everything on the table

After gingerly avoiding any discussion until now of cuts in the government's massive benefit programs for the elderly and poor, Obama will acknowledge a need to reduce spending on Medicare and Medicaid while at the same time tackling defense spending and calling for increased taxes on the wealthy, White House officials said.

Obama is expected to concede a need for overhauling Medicare and Medicaid and to even make adjustments to Social Security, always considered politically risky territory. But he will distinguish his plan from the Republican budget, which would shrink Medicare by shifting the program to private insurers and send block grants to states to pay for Medicaid, the health care program for the poor.

I'm going to polish off my crystal ball & try my hand at a bit of prophecy.

Let me concentrate a minute...

Okay, an image is coming through...

I see Medicare & Medicaid & SSI cuts sliding out of our patriotic bunghole like shit through an Astroglide lubed asshole while defense cuts & increased taxes on the wealthy will form a chalky white, tar-like impaction in the national colon, stubbornly resisting all of Obuma's faux liberal enema therapies & laxative overdoses.

Grannies & grandpas will descend, en masse, on their local grocery's dog food aisle, while hundreds of millions of dollars of spiffy new weaponry will descend on the neighborhoods of anyone unlucky enough to be born anywhere but America.

Geraldo will smile.

Paul Bremer will fondle his own nipples & giggle.

The constipated grimace will finally fade from John Stossel's face.

While John Hagee will enthusiastically masturbate until his piggly wiggly willy bleeds clarified butter.

All will be right in America.

After a time, all seniors will be marginalized as "unnecessary eaters" & burdens. Their cloying neediness will be seen as a huge stumbling block on the road to progress & innovation.
At this point, reality shows will exclusively showcase malnourished and desperate seniors who will be willing to do anything for 3 Bob Evans sausage links and an English muffin.

The crowd will go wild.

Upscale Wall Street executives will hire starving seniors for pennies, employing them to play "Dodge The Mercedes" all along the executive's route to work.
Ultimately this will provide the biggest source for senior employment since seniors are notoriously slow while Mercedes are quite fast & lethal.

To assuage any feelings of guilt that may surface amongst the pre-senior population, special Granddad & Granny apps will be developed by Apple for their IPhone 46 model.

Once all the seniors have been eliminated, elite attention will then focus on the scads of malnourished children who will prove to have a much longer shelf life with a modicum of maintenance.The more attractive children will find themselves the target of a hit & run of an entirely different nature. They will soon envy their Mercedes mutilated brethren.

The haves will finally have it all.

As they should.

The have nots will finally eat their own shit.

As they should.

While behind the scenes, the Wizard of Gahenna will pull off His thorny halo & replace it with a crown of dollar signs. A young Dorothy surrogate will be hauled in & forced to fellate Toto while the Cowardly Lion is forced, at gunpoint, to sodomize her. He will weep through the entire act.

As will Dorothy.

As will we all.


Sunday, April 10, 2011


The world's crumbling, the nurturing Earth mommy still occasionally shakes the shit out of her Japanese children, tornadoes chew up the Midwest like it was a greasy cheesy hunk of BK Whopper & the end is probably what? This is the Internut baby, where the medium is the message & the message is usually monosyllabic and delivered with the prerequisite rain of spittle.

First, we have an odd anomaly, or anamoly, filmed over Russia, New Zealand, or New Zeeland, and the International Space Station.

Some say it's a dimensional portal. Others say it's a shape shifting UFO. Personally, I think it's a rare video capture of God's bright blue bunghole just before He takes another dumpppppp on our heads.

As a companion piece I offer this video that allegedly shows "a shape shifting UFO" shifting shape in the skies over California.

Then again, it could be a balloon. The music was nice though. Suitably mystical soundtracks always enhance bad paranormal videos, making the viewing experience much more enjoyable.

Here's a neat video record of the night that Chinese lanterns...oops, I mean the intergalatic space brothers invaded Chicago.

All I can say is "What up, Dawg?

I should point out that the above videos were offered by the same folks who found this Russian UFO footage quite compelling.

Then we have two Bigfoot videos (Yippee!!!):

Both videos seem to follow the guidelines set down in the Capturing Bigfoot On Video handbook. Section 3, subsection 24 states quite plainly that once an anomalous image is captured in the camera's viewfinder, the cameraman should quickly pan away from said anomaly. If that tactic fails, subsection 25 goes on to say that the cameramen should quickly spin in a circle with his camera pointed at the ground.

As far as evidence goes, all of these videos are unquestionably piss poor & unconvincing.

But no more piss poor or unconvincing than George Jr.'s reasons for invading Iraq or Paul Bremer sitting on Geraldo tonight explaining why we need to "win" in Libya.

It appears that one may spout all the lunacy one wants to spout as long as it ends up with huge swathes of dead folk at the end of its dysfunctional little rainbow. But if your lunacy is essentially harmless, watch your back jack. They're gunnin' for ye.

I've heard it said that the truly mad have no idea that they're a few Kosher dills shy of a pickle jar. In other words, if you think you're crazy, you probably aren't.

I'm willing to bet that every Bigfoot hunter & ufologist, at one point, begins to question their own sanity. I'm equally sure that the Paul Bremers of the world never ever ever question they're own sanity.

Personally, I prefer the spittle.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Puerile Pedantic Penile Puff Pops

Sorry about the title, but I'm running out of blog title gas.

I'm reading Hopsicker's Welcome To Terrorland, a much ballyhooed RI textbook.
I have to admit, it's an interesting read, but for a journalist, Hopsicker seems to rely heavily on the "he said-she said" brand of journalism that seems much more suited to American celebrity "cult-ure.".

The cornerstone of his whole theory seems to revolve around Amanda Keller's stint as terrorist moll.

It has one really huge obstacle to overcome though, Miss Keller retracted her story once again.

For five years, Amanda Keller has been portrayed by conspiracy theorists as Mohamed Atta's lover.

But the former Venice stripper now says her boyfriend was another flight student not connected to 9/11. And, for the first time, federal investigators say she's right.

"There's nothing there to corroborate the relationship between the two," a New York-based FBI counterterrorism agent said recently after reviewing 9/11 case files.

The agent got clearance to talk from the U.S. Attorney's Office and the FBI, but only agreed if his named was not used.

Among other things, the government checked Atta's phone records and found the two had never called each other.

In 2002, Keller granted an interview with Daniel Hopsicker, a Venice self-published writer who maintains the government has covered up facts about 9/11.

In a taped interview that has circled the Internet, Keller casually discusses intimate details about her relationship with "Mohamed." She claimed it was Atta, but changed her story soon after.

"It was my bad for lying," Keller said. "I really didn't think about it until after I did it."

Keller, 24, is engaged and is studying to become a nurse. She moved to Ohio in early 2002 and said she hoped that by getting married and changing her name, she could finally leave the rumors behind.

Maybe she was pressured to do so.

Maybe not.

Here are some photos of Miss Keller with her terrorist lover:

Here's the photo of Atta that's passed around the world like a bong at a rave.

Maybe it's me, but they don't look anything alike.

It appears that Hopsicker is selling a tub of rotten turds. Then again, maybe this is the rotten turd that's meant to spoil the rest of the turds.

It does lead one to question Hopsicker's "journalistic skills." If his fact checking is this bad here, is the rest of the book equally tainted.

Since I'm in a photo pasting mood, I thought I'd give Jeff & one of his forum stalwarts a bit of the spotlight.

Here's Jeff:

& here's Project Willow, on the right:

The Internut is a funny place. It's been a few years since I've made any concerted effort to wend my way through the RI wonderland & I still don't know if the site is satire, serious or serious disinformation.