Monday, April 25, 2011

That Old Time Religion Part 3 (The Mourning After)

To be fair, I think this was a cheap shot fired across Voodoo's bow since the Voodoo folk seem to be more dignified.

I will say that the Christians have a better sense of humor though.

Also, you'd never find this guy at a Voodoo ceremony:



Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

I, for the first time, walked into a charismatic church gathering with my girlfriend and was greeted by no one. Then a man my age noticed me, he knew I was a newcomer, and starts talking in tongues at me. Welcome to the... AUCKA ENEMIA BADDA BADDA NOAH NOAH, etc. The rest of the service was normal enough. Then the music was played at an high volume and people had started to come up to the altar to pray in tongues filled with the Holy Spirit.

My girlfriend was enraptured and had walked up to the altar with her arms high in the air. A LAH BLAN KA BOGART HUMPY Well, of course, I walked with her. The mass of adults gathered in front and my girlfriend closed her eyes and was caught up with the moment. BLUB GLORK ZIPPY COMICA A 63 year old man in the Spirit, and dressed in a business suit started to the right of her then to the left and wobbled around directly in front of her. He commenced to fall backward and as he fell his elbow clocked her in the head and he fell down on top of her.

Laying on the ground her 5 foot 1 inch, 120 pd frame did not know what hit it. The man got up LUVA TOUR ROAR AH LUVA TOUR ROAR AH and continued to chant in tongues as if nothing happened. Finally, the pastor's wife showed sincere concern and she and her husband asked another member to drive her to the emergency room. I actually was not present with her when this happened. I added myself to this story for effect. I was twice chanted against by two men in the Spirit at this particular church prior to this event though.

She spent the night in the hospital and claimed some kind of miraculous cure of a severe black eye. That she was healed in a relatively quick period of time. We were not a couple anymore, but when I found out about this I wanted to speak with the pastor about his activities in this building. She talked me out of it. She continued to attend this same church in spite of what happened. The man, who clobbered her, never offered an apology and I do not think was seen again.

Interesting post. The Voodoo people seem to be a classier bunch. Hmmm

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

I'm reading "Conquering the Hosts of Hell: An Open Triumph" by Win Worley. (no lie, that's his namey) I think he's a hoaxster. Here's an excerpt:

The author was performing an exorcism at this time.

I dropped my (britches, I mean) air of interest, grinned looked straight at him and said firmly, "Well...I guess not...come out of him now in Jesus' name!" The demon was flabbergasted and stunned by my sudden thrust. As he realized that he had been fooled, he went white with rage and began to storm and rant, screaming and cursing. "You fucking bastard, you were putting me on all the time, you were never really interested at all. No wonder everyone hates you so!"

He sobbed in fury and frustration. I answered with a smile, "That's right, you've found one preacher you cannot buy." He cursed me, calling me everything in his considerable vocabulary of obscenities...

Demonic spiritual forces in care of Hegewisch Baptist Church and the deliverance ministry.

Morocco Bama said...


Your ex-girlfriend wasn't accidentally sodomized in the process, was she. Sometimes that happens with these kind of events, and the women don't even know it until much later.

just_another_dick said...

Mr. H., I've never had the pleasure of actual Charismatic church attendance.

One of the things that interests me about tongue speaking is that it isn't much different than the gibberish spewed by some higher functioning "intellectually different" clients I've worked with over the years. They start a conversation well enough, but it always degenerates into...ummm...gibberish.

I also found the little grunting noises that Mr. Crowder peppers his sermon with to be an exact duplicate of the oy oy oy vocalizations made by a client I'm currently "guarding."
Mr. Crowder has many other videos where he has a big grin plastered to his face all the time. I suppose this is to demonstrate "the joy" that God has brought him, but honestly it just makes him look creepy & somewhat insane.

I do wonder how they differentiate "the divine" from "the demonic," since the psychological mechanisms seem to be the same for supposedly "demonic" religions like Vodun and for wholesome Jesus religions like Charismatic Christianity.

Of course, many non-tongue Christians feel that tongue speakers are demonic, while many tongue speakers feel that one isn't "saved" until the tongues start gibbering.

It's all a mystery to heathen dipshits like me.
Maybe salvation would have been better served by a Bible consisting of IKEA like pictorial instructions rather than a Bible constructed of verbal ink blots that are open to so much misinterperation.

I do wonder how recent discoveries about the "free will" myth will effect religions who are based around free will.

I also wonder how split brain research, which is demonstrating quite succinctly that our 2 brain hemispheres seem to contain separate personalities, will figure into the idea of "choice" & "sin."

I suppose the short answer is that they won't because "believers" will just ignore it all.

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

yeah Morocco, point well taken. To add to that concept a sodomized female will not be believed by her friends or family. Her rape is only in her own mind! Man, I don't go to the charismatic anymore. I don't go to any church anymore. No offense, but seriously Morocco, I believe many decent women that attend any Christian service want to be somewhat spiritually and intellectually sodomized by the priest or minister. They plainly look at people who do not attend church services as somewhat lacking. This raping saves their faces as decent Christian women.

Inverse Einsteinian disability. This cracks me up. With further analysis of what was preached, many of the best sermons spoken on the pulpits on Sunday morning are "gibberish". Another thing Dick, these people are getting the very kind of ministry they want. Jim Jones' cult attendees did not get the ministry they wanted. I can see why well-meaning individuals claim that these charismatic services are abusive. The attendees are mostly adults. There is no question that they enjoy the activities. One cannot claim victimization if they enjoy this kind of fellowship.

Shit, I sometimes wish I was Haitian and was able to acclimatize to the Vodun influences. Identical to the fever pitch excitement of the fans of professional sports. Yeehah they scored a point. Hop Hop Hop shake all about. Put your left foot in Put your left out Put your left foot in And shake it all about Do the Hokey Pokey And turn yourself around That's what it's all about!

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

just_another_dick said...

"They plainly look at people who do not attend church services as somewhat lacking."

I can give you a big Hallelujah & an even bigger AMEN on that one.

I always tell people my primary quibbles are with "religion."
The idea of "God" can't be proven any more than it can be conclusively refuted.

The negative effects of "religion" are pretty much legion.

I really can't see any reason for churches or priests or pastors or preachers.
A priest has no more of an idea about what God wants than I do or you do or anyone else for that matter.

Churches seem more like pre-Facebook social networks where folk find a comfy group of like minded believers who they can bond with and then hunker down for the duration.
They also seem to love to do what groups do best, which is find reasons to define their group boundaries by vilifying those who aren't in the group.

My one big experience with Christian church charity came a few years back when my wife lost her job. Someone put us on an Ohio church's Xmas list. 4 people showed up in a few vans & they brought us food & furniture & gifts for my kids.

The furniture consisted of an old day bed with a huge dried urine stain in the center and a black & white TV from sometime around the 1970s that had a nice thick layer of cooking grease & hand oil & nicotine & dust on it.

The presents were so utterly age inappropriate(cheap cosmetics for my 6 & 8 year old daughters, a huge skull & crossbones biker belt buckle for my 9 year old son) that my wife & I just tossed them.

We took the food to a local food bank though.

It demonstrated to me why charitable institutions are best run publicly with carefully enforced standards & guidelines rather than allowing churches to do it any way they see fit.
I don't think humans are, by nature, very charitable. When donating to "the poor" I think people are quite content to donate their 'one step from a dumpster' cast-offs rather than give anything of any quality. I think they also feel that those po' folk should be damn grateful to get that junk.

Fuck 'em.

Morocco Bama said...

Richard, we're channeling again. Who says this isn't the Matrix?

We recently had some neighbors insist we take some food from their church food bank. We didn't think anything of it. It was explained that they were just overflowing with food and had more than they could handle. My wife was not home when they brought the food to our house, so I had to answer the door and graciously receive the food. I told them thank you....and the school where my wife works as a teacher will really appreciate the surprise. They looked incredulously at me and told me to also "take some for ourselves." Frankly, the thought never crossed my mind since we're not starving.....yet. Also, the food was things that were impractical. I wouldn't say crap, exactly, but not basic staples for people who are starving. Peanut Butter and canned Beans go a long way when people are starving, but they had stuff like perishable probiotic Kefir that goes bad after a couple of weeks.

My wife brought it up this morning when she asked me if I thought the neighbors thought we were down and out and in need of charity. I said the thought crossed my mind and relayed to her what had occurred when they dropped the food off. We're wondering if our son said something to them since he is friends with their son and they are playing together every day. Or, we wondered if they think we are struggling because they get their kid something new every single week, and our son gets very little in comparison. Don't get me wrong, we don't neglect our children....they have more than they need, but in comparison to most, they aren't showered with junk every other day as though they were the Dalai Lama. We call their son the Little Emperor because that is how the parents treat him.

Anyway, to bring this back to my initial point. I told her the story you just recounted and how the same thing had happened to you. This was this morning.....and here you are mentioning it.....again. What the hell are the odds of that? Are you sure you're not CIA and have a bug in my house? If not, it's what I call Channeling, for lack of a better word.

just_another_dick said...

I wish I were CIA. It pays better. Then, after a few years, I could go private sector and make a real killing.

We must be channeling, because my wife & I haven't talked about that incident since it happened, but last night we were sitting around with the kids &, for some reason, it popped up.

My wife reminded me that, at the time, my kids were terrified that the pudgy guy in the Santa suit was the "real" Santa, & they were being punished for being bad kids.

She also reminded me that I looked like I wanted to send Santa & his elves flying head first through the picture window.

She's right. I did.

While I don't have much faith in the charity of churches, I think I was a little too charitable towards state run charity.
Since my gig is entirely state funded, we're subjected to periodic state inspections where they essentially nit pick. For example, they squawk when each resident doesn't have his/her own hair dryer even though few even know how to use one.

This is completely ludicrous to me since the state used to directly run the institutions that cared for MR folk & they treated them like they were less than animals.

Our facility, pimples and all, is light years away from anything the state did on its own.

Morocco Bama said...

On one of those videos they had an ad running at the bottom of the screen for Online Pastoral Degrees. Everything's a Gravy Train....including our demise. They've got you coming, and going.....and who knows, maybe even when you're gone since we don't really know what gone really means, or what it entails. Remember, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

That first video was child abuse, plain and simple. The young girl had the correct reaction to this nonsense. She was frightened by the lunatics and lunacy and was crying as a result. Of course, I'm sure the interpretation they were giving it was that she was crying tears of bliss in celebration of the Holy Ghost.

Of course, it's no different an ultimate effect than Pop Culture, and if you think about it, these days, this is every bit as much Pop Culture as anything else.

Give Me That Old Time Religion.

This is my favorite preacher of all time.

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

I left a post and it somehow disappeared. I'm guessing it has to do with the technology. A much shorter post instead. I posted the info about Public Law 102-14 and how Poppy Bush signed off the separation wall into oblivion. Noahide Laws and the preparation of Messiah. Education Day USA.

The message was basically that one would not hear this mentioned in a church. If it is mentioned, it's the Church of the Tea Cup Party, or Church of Kill the Faggot and Watch Him Bleed ministries, or the Insane Church of the Foolishly Tongue-Tied.