Yahoo! asked Vice President Joe Biden Thursday to give some good advice for the unemployed. He provided a list of recent improvements to the economy, while expressing sympathy for those struggling to get by without a regular income.
"So the message is 'hang in there?'" Yahoo!'s Anna Robertson asked.
"The message is hang in there," he repeated.
Ya hear that ya whiny, hungry, can't pay the rent, can't clothe the kids American slacker bitches?
Just hang in there.
If you're having problems putting that nugget of wisdom into practice, just imagine you're a "chad" on a Florida ballot. While you're at it, think positive. That always does wonders for my bank account.
"Things are coming back," Biden said, after noting that the unemployment rate is now dropping "minimally," businesses are investing, banks are lending, and companies are gaining confidence.
"But, again, it's not sufficient that the economy gets back to where it was before. The jobs in the 21st century--the good-paying jobs in the 21st century --are also going to lie in entire new industries, which we have to innovate our way into creating."
Hmmmm...Joe tells folk to "hang in there," then he tells them they'll be
"hanging" around until we "innovate our way into creating...entire new industries."
Gee, if I'm not mistaken, that kind of "hanging" might not end up the way ol' Joe is envisioning it.
Then again, maybe Joe has some insights into captured alien technology that allows one to grow entire industries by just adding water. I know, I'm being "negative." After all, that strategy seemed to work for these guys:
Yahoo! also asked the Vice President how we, as Americans, can turn around the economy and he responded with something even conceded might sound a little "silly."
"One of the ways to impact, as strange as it sounds, on the federal debt, on economic growth, on the cost of maintaining health care in America is: Don't smoke, eat healthy, do not consume junk foods," he said.
"I know that sounds silly, but it's very practical in terms of your own health and well-being, but also on the impact, on the cost of maintaining the health care system in the United States."
In other words, no dollar burgers for you, ya hungry slackers. Off to Whole Foods with your soon to be revoked credit cards ya shiftless lay-abouts. Hell, maybe you can trade one of the kids for a little brie & some organic tofu.
I don't know about you but I'm always enervated & positron-ed whenever I realize that the man who is a heartbeat away from the nukes is a complete fucking idiot.
For some odd reason Yahoo didn't transcribe the bit where "a Yahoo reader," who has never been able to make more than $10 even with a college degree, asks Joe if it's really wise to continue to point kids towards college even though the rewards are so meager.
Joe's response is "priceless."
"The answer is absolutely yes. If she thinks she has trouble finding a job with a college education, try it as we move on with a just a high school education or less."
There you have it folks, the new America will be a place where even the shit jobs will require a college degree.
It's really worth watching the video for this exchange alone. I particularly enjoyed how Joe's puppeteer gave Joe a little goose in his hindquarters as he was read the question.
Personally I think Joe is over emphasizing that education shit. Look at him, he made it to VP without the benefit of a cerebral cortex.
Mr. Biden vows to fulfill his lifelong dream of being able to kiss his own uvula from the rear.