Tuesday, March 30, 2010

God's Away On Business (Armageddon Needs A Lot Of Prep Time, Okay?)

CLAYTON, Mich. - This tiny village was to be ground zero for a Christian revolution sparked by the planned killing of a local law enforcement officer and then snowballing into a violent battle and nationwide revolution, said an indictment unsealed Monday against nine men accused in the plot.

I can't help wondering why folk like this think their plots will "spark a nationwide revolution?"
People shoot each other every fucking day.
There has to be a good reason...

Let's see...

Clayton resident Dick Ream (I'm not making this up) said,
"They had a militia meeting every month. There were guys in uniform running around. Some of them had guns. It was no real surprise, with all these people being part of the militia, that something must have been up."

Donna Stone, ex-wife of "Captain Hamtaro" David Brian Stone, had this to say,
"It started out as a Christian thing. You go to church. You pray. You run around the woods with automatic weapons playing Army. I think David started to take it a little too far."

"Too far" huh? I think the ex Mrs. Stone is quite the master of understatement. (& yes I made some of that quote up.)

The Christian-based, anti-government group is said to believe that the end times forecast in Biblical scripture is near, and that the men planned to be soldiers fighting alongside Jesus Christ.

All righty then. Now that explains everything.

Their website has this neat quote:

"Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive"

Oh no! They want to erase every Bible. Those...those nefariously demonic bastards. I can see why we need a nationwide revolution. Crates & crates of half blank Bibles would be fucking horrible.

They also have this handy picture of the notorious "Revelation Beast."

So, if you happen to see a giant triceratops with a bear coming of one armpit and a lion coming out of the other armpit, it's best to "bug out." And no one, I mean NO ONE bugs out like this guy.

Oh shit...did I say "bug out?" My bad. I meant to say bug fuck.

Seriously though, I have to give these guys some credit. To spend their weekends huffing through the brush shooting at imaginary enemies would make me feel utterly foolish. Kind of like an 8 year old playing at war. After giggling at...I mean...after watching their videos I can't help wondering how long they'd survive if someone was actually shooting at them.

5 minutes? 10 minutes?

Although, I am encouraged to know that Armageddon will have a nifty rocking soundtrack.

The government, evidently addicted to empty rhetoric & hyperbole, had this to say,
"The arrests have dealt a severe blow to a dangerous organization that today stands accused of conspiring to levy war against the United States."

Be serious. As far as crackpot Christianity goes, this is all pretty much par for the course here in the US Asylum.
On the up side, at least these guys weren't molesting deaf kids in between bouts of Jesus inspired war games.

NEW YORK – Milwaukee's Roman Catholic archbishop warned a top Vatican office led by the future Pope Benedict XVI about a priest who may have molested as many as 200 deaf boys, according to documents obtained by The New York Times, but the priest was never defrocked.

The documents were provided by two lawyers who have filed lawsuits alleging the Archdiocese of Milwaukee didn't take sufficient action against the Rev. Lawrence Murphy. The priest, who died in 1998, worked at the former St. John's School for the Deaf in St. Francis from 1950 to 1975.

In 1996, then-Milwaukee Archbishop Rembert G. Weakland sent letters about Murphy to the Vatican office called the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which was led from 1981 to 2005 by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the future pope. Weakland received no response from Ratzinger, the Times reported.

Eight months later, the second in command at the doctrinal office, Cardinal Tarciscio Bertone — now the Vatican's secretary of state — told the Wisconsin bishops to begin secret disciplinary proceedings, according to the documents. But Bertone halted that process after Murphy wrote to Ratzinger saying he already had repented, was ailing and that the case's statute of limitations had run out, the Times reported.

The documents contain no response from Cardinal Ratzinger.

Weakland also wrote to a different Vatican office in March 1997, saying an attorney's impending lawsuit would make the case public.

The documents emerged even as the Vatican deals with an ever-widening church abuse scandal sweeping several European countries. Benedict last week issued an unprecedented letter to Ireland addressing the 16 years of church cover-up scandals here. But he has yet to say anything about his handling of a case in Germany known to have developed when, as cardinal, he oversaw the Munich Archdiocese from 1977 to 1982.

The Rev. Federico Lombardi, a spokesman for the Vatican, said in a statement that the Vatican was not told about the abuse allegations against Murphy until 1996, years after civil authorities had investigated and dropped the case. Lombardi also said that Murphy's age, poor health and a lack of more recent allegations were factors in the decision not to defrock him.

He noted "the Code of Canon Law does not envision automatic penalties" and that the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith suggested the Milwaukee archbishop consider such things as restricting Murphy's public ministry and requiring that he "accept full responsibility for the gravity of his acts."

The Times obtained the Murphy documents from Jeff Anderson and Mike Finnegan, attorneys for five men who have sued the Milwaukee archdiocese alleging fraud. The newspaper said the documents included letters between bishops and the Vatican, victims' affidavits, the handwritten notes of an expert on sexual disorders who interviewed Murphy and minutes of a final meeting on the case at the Vatican.

Anderson said he would e-mail the documents to the AP on Thursday. He said in a phone interview Wednesday night that they show the Vatican was more concerned about possible publicity than about the abuse allegations.

"Instead of removing him from the priesthood, they just gave him a free pass," Anderson said. "In this case, it's a free pass at the highest level."

After Murphy was removed from the school in 1974, he went to northern Wisconsin, where he spent the rest of his life working in parishes, schools and, according to one lawsuit, a juvenile detention center.

Previously released court documents show Weakland oversaw a 1993 evaluation of Murphy that concluded the priest likely assaulted up to 200 students at the school.

Weakland resigned as archbishop in 2002 after admitting the archdiocese secretly paid $450,000 to a man who accused him of sexual abuse.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Spook Show

In the murky world of corporate espionage, who ya gonna call?





Shhhh!! It's a secret.

They're still watching...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Stick A Fork In His Ass Already, He's Done

"The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel, and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides, and a dark wind blows. The government is corrupt, and we're on so many drugs, with the radio on and the curtains drawn. We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death. The sun has fallen down, and the billboards are all leering, and the flags are all dead at the top of their polls."

After yesterday's Tea Party video post, I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, it was edited to make these Tea Party folk look foolish by dwelling on...ummmm...well, the complete fools amongst them.
So I went through a bunch of Tea Party blogs, wallowing in their dreck for an hour or two.


The video wasn't skewed. These people are idiots.

Here's one of my fav's, proudly posted by a Tea Partier.


@ O:26, check out the look on the guys face with the green VOTE YES badge on his shirt.
@ 0:38, we have the chubby guy screaming "I want everyone to get ready. Your gun in one hand & a Bible in the other, and we'll take back our country!"
@ 1:07, the dissenters and free speech lovers have the Socialist contingent removed by the coppers.
@ 1:33 we have the very brave black girl who doesn't let a little thing like being outnumbered deter her.
@ 1:35, you can hear the fat white guy say, "I don't need anything. I got plenty of money."
@ 1:57 one can plainly see that dissent has a lot in common with tailgate parties. Apparently both come with fan gear. Is this guy serious? What's he going to do? Die on someone & hope they get injured in the fall?
@ 2:12 we have the equally clueless Obama supporter who actually thinks there's help coming. I give her credit for having bigger balls than those Christian poontangs laughing at her. Like all good Christians they offer hymns and nothing else. If these folk are heaven bound, I'm glad I'm not.
@ 2:55 we have the Cult of the Flag joining hands with the Cult of the Cross and...ummmm...singing more hymns.
Hitler would have understood.

The real winners here won't be the people, that's for damn sure. It will be the GOP.
Being Bad Cops in every episode of Law & New World Order, they're quite accustomed to ratcheting up fear & then capitalizing on it. I think Fear & Tax Cuts pretty much comprise the entire GOP party platform. And nobody does pants shitting fear like an American.

The Republican National Committee plans to raise money this election cycle through an aggressive campaign capitalizing on “fear” of President Barack Obama and a promise to "save the country from trending toward socialism."

The strategy was detailed in a confidential party fundraising presentation, obtained by POLITICO, which also outlines how “ego-driven” wealthy donors can be tapped with offers of access and “tchochkes.”

The presentation was delivered by RNC Finance Director Rob Bickhart to top donors and fundraisers at a party retreat in Boca Grande, Florida on February 18, a source at the gathering said.

In neat PowerPoint pages, it lifts the curtain on the often-cynical terms of political marketing, displaying an air of disdain for the party’s donors that is usually confined to the barroom conversations of political operatives.

The presentation explains the Republican fundraising in simple terms.

"What can you sell when you do not have the White House, the House, or the Senate...?" it asks.

The answer: "Save the country from trending toward Socialism!”

Manipulating donors with crude caricatures and playing on their fears is hardly unique to Republicans or to the RNC – Democrats raised millions off George W. Bush in similar terms – but rarely is it practiced in such cartoonish terms.

One page, headed “The Evil Empire,” pictures Obama as the Joker from Batman, while House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leaders Harry Reid are depicted as Cruella DeVille and Scooby Doo, respectively.

The document, which two Republican sources said was prepared by the party’s finance staff, comes as Chairman Michael Steele struggles to retain the trust and allegiance of major donors, who can give as much as $30,400 a year to the party.

Under Steele, the RNC has shifted toward a reliance on small donors, but the document reveals extensive, confidential details of the strategy for luring wealthy checkwriters, which range from luxury retreats in California wine country to tickets to a professional fight in Las Vegas.

Good job GOP.

Now, let's hope you all see the wisdom in the idea of rallying clueless redneck America around her:

I think that she would make the perfect captain for this red, white, and blue Titanic as it finishes the last leg of its journey into that really big fucking iceberg up ahead.

No...no...I have a better idea:

President Glenn Beck

Enjoy America!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The State Of Our Alien Nation

A new poll of Republicans gives some interesting views on President Obama:

"Two-thirds think he's a socialist, 57 percent a Muslim—and 24 percent say "he may be the Antichrist."

Then we have this;

Instead of being discouraged by passage of health care reform, tea party activists across the country say the defeat is a rallying cry that makes them more focused than ever on voting out any lawmaker who supported the measure.

"We're not going to stop. Obviously, the whole tea party movement started because we're about smaller government and less spending and less taxes. There is absolutely no way we can pay for this," said Denise Cattoni, state coordinator for Illinois Tea Party, an umbrella group for about 50 groups from around Illinois.

Cattoni says the health care defeat doesn't deflate tea party activists. "We couldn't stop it because of the shenanigans that went on in Washington," Cattoni said. "People are definitely more driven today than they were yesterday without a doubt."

A group of mostly Republican attorneys general were girding for a legal fight, filing a lawsuit Tuesday in federal court in Florida within moments of the landmark health care reforms being signed into law by President Barack Obama.

Within hours of its passage, conservative commentators Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh — darlings of the tea party movement — were venting their anger, vowing a bloodbath at the polls on Election Day.

"We need to defeat these bastards. We need to wipe them out," Limbaugh said. "We need to chase them out of town. But we need to do more than that. We need to elect conservatives. If there are Republican primaries, elect conservatives and then defeat the Democrats — every last one of them — and then we start the repeal process."

Of course, all of this will, no doubt, lead to more of this:

The young Marine’s rogue mission, laid out with maps and photographs, was as straightforward as it was chilling. He called it Operation Patriot.

The Marine, Kody Brittingham, a 20-year-old lance corporal, wrote that he had taken an oath to “protect against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.” In a signed “letter of intent,” tucked away in his barracks at Camp Lejeune, he identified a “domestic enemy” he planned to eliminate last winter: President Obama.


I suppose I should reiterate that I'm not an Obama fan. I also no longer consider myself a Democrat,


You folk live in some delusional red, white & blue wonderland that was primarily dismantled by your precious GOP.
You've bought into the illusion of free trade as if it were written into the fucking Constitution.
You somehow think Capitalism was designed by God specifically for his favored nation America.
You continually align yourselves with the same elite who are fucking you blind while stealing all our children's futures.
What differentiates us is one thing: I know my party of choice is corrupt. To its core.
You folk aren't so adept though.
You think these lying sacks of shit who spent the last 8 years lying us into wars & slaughters of horrendous proportions are somehow "patriotic." You conveniently forget that the American piggy bank was emptied at the urging of one of your favored sons, George W. Bush.


& I just happen to have the perfect implement for your self reaming:

You Love Your Candidate – Let Him Love You Back!

The Barack Obama Head Of State dildo is 7.5 inches tall, weighs 14 ounces is waterproof and made from fine TPR, Phthalate-free rubber. It comes in two colors, democratic blue or presidential gold.

* Bush: I bought two. Emission accomplished!
* Cheney: I’ve had one stuck in me since ‘82.

Enjoy yourselves motherfuckers.

Although, to get this one in, you're probably going to have to admit that there's already one in there that looks surprisingly like GW.
But, you managed to slide GW's in without nary a whimper, and that only happened after you moved aside the dildoes with Reagan, Bush 1, & Clinton heads on them, so I think this newest addition to your "dildoes up my ass" collection will blend in quite nicely.

"America itself is a housing development built over a series of 'Indian' burial mounds, a development erected largely with the aid of African slaves, so it should come as no surprise when our children become deranged, violent, and possessed."

Sunday, March 21, 2010

2 Observations & A Fart

1. While over at the RI forum, I found an article listed about a gathering of "gun folk" across the Potomac from the nation's capital. They call themselves The Three Percenters and they type some incredibly funny shit. Unintentionally that is.

But I tell you this: We will not go gently into that bloody collectivist good night. Indeed, we will make with our defiance such a sound as ALL history from that day forward will be forced to note, even if they despise us in the writing of it.

And when we are gone, the scattered, free survivors hiding in the ruins of our once-great republic will sing of our deeds in forbidden songs, tending the flickering flame of individual liberty until it bursts forth again, as it must, generations later. We will live forever, like the Spartans at Thermopylae, in sacred memory.

-- Mike Vanderboegh, The Lessons of Mumbai:Death Cults, the "Socialism of Imbeciles" and Refusing to Submit, 1 December 2008

I started thinking, what is it about this country and motherfucking guns? Herr Bushski was practicing his own version of "pooch screwing" & "Constitutional dick wiping" that was made popular by Oberfuhrer Reagan, and not a fucking peep out of these people. I mean, how come there weren't huge gatherings of people "on the Potomac" with fucking library books, protesting Herr Bushskis creepy little intellectual peep show snooping into library records?
Why is it always guns?
Do these guys live in some weird little illusory action movie? Do they wake up and realize that what their wife moaned during sex was "OOOOOOOOOO Brucie...?"
This after watching a Die Hard double feature?
Does their manhood shrivel, forcing other, phallic gods, into their hands?

2. Today, while at work, I watched assorted babbling puppet heads yammer on about healthcare. One little Pinocchio kept reiterating the tired line that "government can't run anything successfully."
I thought, y'know, they're right.
So why do we let them run the military?
That has to be the most bloated, overfunded, and totally useless waste of tax dollars ever foisted on the American people.
So today, as a patriot...no, as a patriot and a student of patriots, I hereby offer to assume control of the military immediately.
Y'all can install the nukes in my front yard tomorrow.
60 days from then, you'd better have worked out all your differences & healed all your self inflicted social wounds
or we're all dead.

Good Night.

pppfffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt....ah, smell it.

(this isn't really a 3rd observation, it's just what I was thinking while I farted.)

I know that last bit makes me look as homicidal as our masters, but, keep in mind, I'm offering to go along. Unlike the whiz bang adjunct to the Cold War M.A.D. strategy of mutually assured destruction, that gave our leaders, the ones who decide to annihilate the rest of us, massive well stocked underground bunkers to hide in while the rest of us turn to cinders or corpses. Paid for by us, the expendable, for the imbecilic sake of "continuity of government."
My ass.
More like "continuity of their asses."
More like "continuity of humanity."
Now imagine the implications...a future human animal based on the illicit seed of a Nixon or a Reagan or a Bush or a Cheney...

"...the horror...the horror...?

Friday, March 19, 2010

It's All Just A Coincidence...Right?

For instance, take this article about a study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick.

One key to happiness might be whether you make more than your peers, regardless of whether that income is six figures or just a mediocre take-home, a new study finds.

This concept of "doing better than the Joneses" is well established among children: A toy gets ditched as soon as a shinier toy in the hands of another child is spotted. But some researchers have often thought that when it comes to adults and money, things works differently, in that the more money one has, regardless of how it stacks up, the more resources can be acquired to generate happiness.

However, the new study suggests income and happiness are indeed like child's play.

We tend to be happy "as long as we've got more than the people around us," said study researcher Christopher Boyce in the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick in England. "You might buy a new car. But if your neighbor has just bought the very same car, that new car doesn't seem as good as it once was if you were the only one to have that car."

Past research has suggested that income rank, not just absolute income, is important, but previous large-scale studies looked only at satisfaction with economic conditions rather than overall life satisfaction, the researchers say.

Boyce and his colleagues used data collected between 1997 and 2004 in the British Household Panel Survey, in which more than 80,000 participants rated how dissatisfied or satisfied they were with their life overall. Household incomes were adjusted for regional differences in living costs and for number of individuals in a household. The resulting figure represented the amount of spending power a person would have.

Then, they took the ranked position of each person's income within the entire sample in a given year and compared it with the individual's absolute income. Statistical tests were run to determine how that rank predicated a person's life satisfaction. While a person's life satisfaction went up with higher absolute pay, when ranked income was taken into account, the absolute numbers were no longer linked to happiness levels.

Then the researchers grouped participants and compared their income with various reference groups, including geographical region, gender and education, and age, as people might do in real life. In each case, incomes were ranked relative to that particular reference group. Again, a person's life satisfaction was mostly explained by income rank within each peer group.

They also found that people are 1.75 times more likely to compare themselves to those above them in income than to those below.

That makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, because it would behoove someone to gather information about the higher-ups in order to improve oneself to ultimately get there, Boyce explained. "But that results in low satisfaction with your current standing," he added.

There, now everyone can feel much better after our collective reaming by Wall Street. Why? Because we're all greedy bastards who equate happiness with having more shit. Wall Streeters really aren't any different than Main Streeters. So now we can put away our pitchforks & our guillotines & our protest signs, because if we were in their place we'd do the same thing.


Since the article piqued my interest, I went to the University of Warwick's website to read it for myself. Alas, I couldn't find it, but my attention was distracted by the hyperlink on their main research page that led to a podcast about "false memories."
Wow, what a coincidence, eh?

It's nice to know that the folk who are explaining how greedy we are, are also explaining how we make up memories all the time.
Personally, I think the entire bailout was a false memory.


We're not bankrupt
capitalism hasn't sunk our red, white & blue Titanic.


Never happened.

I don't know about you, but I feel much better now.

"That's one of those things I guess that got to be a part of my life -- having sexual intercourse with the dead."




Man, doesn't that feel wonderful.
Just to say it.
Our American mantra.

Repeat it often for



Man, there's nothing I like better than a good zombie flick.

What's even greater
is the neat way
eventually begins to

Even zombies shun
little taboo.

But not we CAPITALISTS...
we actually seem
to crave
the taste
of our own flesh.

I think it's why
we've come to this point
so willingly,
like cattle
to a slaughter.

But hey,

Brad & Angelina are fighting


Jesse & Sandra are splitting


it's a new baseball season


CSI is on













"I think that every book should begin with an awakening. Someone wakes up and slowly starts to take in their surroundings. He or she is reluctant to let anything sink in beyond the first material appraisal, because there is always the shudder which means their life is desperately offtrack. Was I praying for death before I fell asleep? Am I locked into something terrible I'll never get out of? A marriage? A career? A crime? This is a good way to start a story because no matter how that person's day begins, no matter how carelessly someone throws off their sheets in the morning, you know that he or she will be praying to die by the end of it."

Tony Burgess

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Osama "Jihad Skelter" Manson or is it Charles "Helter Fatwa" bin Laden

WASHINGTON – Attorney General Eric Holder told Congress on Tuesday that Osama bin Laden will never face trial in the United States because he will not be captured alive.

In testy exchanges with House Republicans, the attorney general compared terrorists to mass murderer Charles Manson and predicted that events would ensure "we will be reading Miranda rights to the corpse of Osama bin Laden" not to the al-Qaida leader as a captive.

Holder sternly rejected criticism from GOP members of a House Appropriations subcommittee, who contend it is too dangerous to put terror suspects on trial in federal civilian courts as Holder has proposed.

The attorney general said it infuriates him to hear conservative critics complain that terrorists would get too many rights in the court system.

Terrorists in court "have the same rights that Charles Manson would have, any other kind of mass murderer," the attorney general said. "It doesn't mean that they're going to be coddled, it doesn't mean that they're going to be treated with kid gloves."

The comparison to convicted killer Manson angered Rep. John Culberson, R-Texas, who said it showed the Obama administration doesn't understand the American public's desire to treat terrorists as wartime enemies, not criminal defendants.

"My constituents and I just have a deep-seated and profound philosophical difference with the Obama administration," Culberson said.

Holder, his voice rising, charged that Culberson's arguments ignored basic facts about the law and the fight against terrorists.

"Let's deal with reality," Holder said. "The reality is that we will be reading Miranda rights to the corpse of Osama bin Laden. He will never appear in an American courtroom."

Pressed further on that point, Holder said: "The possibility of catching him alive is infinitesimal. He will be killed by us or he will be killed by his own people so he can't be captured by us."

Quite odd, comparing an Islamic terrorist with a crime that happened 40 fucking years ago.
I'm sure Manson is relishing his never ending job as America's boogieman of choice.
Also quite odd that the Attorney General is a psychic who can see Osama bin Laden's capture as it will occur at some undisclosed date in the future.
Unless he's already dead.
Of course, then that would mean the US government is filled with liars.

Everyone knows...snicker...that can't be true, eh?

Come to think of it, I guess the analogy isn't all that outre. Both Manson & Bin Laden are creations of right wing America. In Manson's case, it was the prison/industrial complex, while Bin Laden found his fondest inspiration from the military/industrial complex. Some would say that any attempt to differentiate the 2 "complexes" is nothing more than pointless hair splitting.

Then there's that strange family resemblance:

Then you have the neat way America has of making cultural icons out of mass murderers:

Then there's the much overlooked fact that neither man actually killed anyone. At least, anyone at the crime scenes that gave them their infamy.
Each man was smart enough to con others into doing the dirty work.
Hmmm...it isn't all that different from the good ol' U.S. 0f A., is it.
Conning poor saps to go & murder for them.

I don't know, I think Manson & Osama are fucking amateurs. No one creates mass murderers like Amerika. Just look at the enthusiasm this video inspired at UTube.

sexiekimi (1 year ago)
ive been in the military for 3 years and i still get amped every time i see this thing. i fucking love the army and my job. Hooah

CIAAGENT88 (1 year ago)
Semper Fidelis HURAAAAA


bruntito34 (1 year ago)

kingco15thinf (2 years ago)
....this requires one word:


crazyJello (2 years ago)
I love the background music! US's Military Recruiting Commercials always have awesome back ground music!!

c1301992 (2 years ago)

futureusofficer (2 years ago)
I'm goin ROTC too, what school are you goin to?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Kill A Christian For Christ

Religious folk say the funniest shit.
Take Cardinal Christoph Schönborn, conservative Archbishop of Vienna, who feels that priestly celibacy is partly to blame for his fellow priest's compulsive need to fondle children.

I don't know.
I tend to think that if all the Father Wiener Fondlers hiding under the big rock known as "THE VATICAN" could have their problems solved by a round of missionary humping, they would have been caught frequenting brothels instead of peeking inside little Suzie & little Jimmy's knickers.

Cardinal Schönborn goes on to say that the Vatican should undertake an “unflinching examination” of the causes of the scandal.

Gee Schönzie, I'm not sure the actual abuse was the real issue. After all, pedophiles appear to be everywhere. They seem to seek out positions that will give them access to children. Furthermore, it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that there are certain men who will stick their dicks in anything, provided it sits still long enough for them to get it in. Hell, guys will fuck dead deer fer Christ's sake. To me, the real issue is why the Church covered it up for so long. Willfully allowing their sexually deviant brethren to continually escape to new hunting grounds in their never ending quest to ruin as many young lives as possible.

I suspect that anyone dumb enough to expect an "unflinching examination" of the Catholic Church by the Catholic Church is also dumb enough to accept their findings.

Thankfully, the Catholic Church opted to do what they do best: prattle on as if their doctrinal bullshit somehow magically descended from heaven.
“Priestly celibacy is a gift of the Holy Spirit,” Cardinal Claudio Hummes, prefect of the Congregation for the Clergy, said at a theological convention on priestly fidelity.

Never being able to touch a woman is a "a gift," eh? I'd say the "Holy Spirit" has one wicked sense of humor.

Of course, Cardinal Schönborn quickly insisted that he wasn't “in any way seeking to question the Catholic Church’s celibacy rule”.

Good little lap dog Schönzie. Here boy, have a bone. Now roll over. Good boy.

Cardinal Schönborn went on to state that he could understand the frustration of many of the faithful over the paedophilia scandals. “Enough is enough. That’s what many people are saying and thinking.”

Right. Actually Schönzie, this fallen Catholic is thinking more along the lines of "shoot the fuckers in the head & FedEx their souls directly to their imaginary God."
Once again, I seem to be in the minority.

The Pope, following the lead of generations of twaddle spewing Popes, is soon expected to release a "pastoral letter" to those poor "buggered by God's faithful" Irishmen.
I am almost positive this will make all their boo-boos vanish as quickly as their God seems to vanish when He's really needed.

I expect that Herr Ratzinger will follow that bit of "pastoral" hogwash with more of the same aimed at the Germans. Evidently Herr Ratzinger's brother, while professing ignorance of any sexual abuse at Regensburg, has admitted to "slapping" a few choir boys in his time.

That's a relief. Every kid knows that a good beating is scads better than a good diddling, don't they?

&, to further up the crackpot ante in this little poker game from Hell, comes the Vatican's chief Exorcist, Father Gabriele Amorth, who says that "the Devil is at work inside the Vatican."

Ah, don't you love it when religious folk, whose core belief system revolves around the concept of "free will," have such a deep and abiding aversion towards accepting responsibility for their own sordid actions?

"Yessir massa. Da debil mades me do it suh. Ol' Scratch he snuck rights up behind me suh, & whisperin' soft like, He led me directly down the road to perdition suh."

What a hunk of stinky smelly worm ridden horseshit.

To further bolster his credibility, Father Amorth claims that he's dealt with 70,000 cases of "demonic possession" in his 25 year career as a Vatican exorcist.

Hmmmm....I think it's calculator time.

Let's see...70,000 divided by 25.....that gives ya 2800 per year...divided by 365...

Holy fucking Savior's nails...

That means this guy dealt with over 7 cases a day of "demonic possession" for 25 fucking years.
What the fuck does this guy do, run the drive thru window at the Vatican's McExorcist division?

Father Amorth also says that the devil is "pure spirit, invisible. But he manifests himself with blasphemies and afflictions in the person he possesses. He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, transform himself or appear to be agreeable. At times he makes fun of me."

The Devil makes fun of you, eh Father Amorth?

For the life of me, I can't understand why?


(This wonderful little photo of Cardinal Christoph Schönborn accompanied one of the articles I used to heist quotes. Nice sun beam. Is this a veiled allusion to Christianity's origins as a glorified Sun cult? Or does it mean that if I stand in a sunbeam I'll look "holy" too? Come to think of it, by Father Amorth's account, I'm doing the Devil's work ain't eye? Damn. This religious shit is complicated...)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday Fun Fest

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." -- Voltaire

What Carlin says bears repeating:

"And nobody seems to notice, and nobody seems to care. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day."

"In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first."