Saturday, March 13, 2010

Kill A Christian For Christ

Religious folk say the funniest shit.
Take Cardinal Christoph Schönborn, conservative Archbishop of Vienna, who feels that priestly celibacy is partly to blame for his fellow priest's compulsive need to fondle children.

I don't know.
I tend to think that if all the Father Wiener Fondlers hiding under the big rock known as "THE VATICAN" could have their problems solved by a round of missionary humping, they would have been caught frequenting brothels instead of peeking inside little Suzie & little Jimmy's knickers.

Cardinal Schönborn goes on to say that the Vatican should undertake an “unflinching examination” of the causes of the scandal.

Gee Schönzie, I'm not sure the actual abuse was the real issue. After all, pedophiles appear to be everywhere. They seem to seek out positions that will give them access to children. Furthermore, it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that there are certain men who will stick their dicks in anything, provided it sits still long enough for them to get it in. Hell, guys will fuck dead deer fer Christ's sake. To me, the real issue is why the Church covered it up for so long. Willfully allowing their sexually deviant brethren to continually escape to new hunting grounds in their never ending quest to ruin as many young lives as possible.

I suspect that anyone dumb enough to expect an "unflinching examination" of the Catholic Church by the Catholic Church is also dumb enough to accept their findings.

Thankfully, the Catholic Church opted to do what they do best: prattle on as if their doctrinal bullshit somehow magically descended from heaven.
“Priestly celibacy is a gift of the Holy Spirit,” Cardinal Claudio Hummes, prefect of the Congregation for the Clergy, said at a theological convention on priestly fidelity.

Never being able to touch a woman is a "a gift," eh? I'd say the "Holy Spirit" has one wicked sense of humor.

Of course, Cardinal Schönborn quickly insisted that he wasn't “in any way seeking to question the Catholic Church’s celibacy rule”.

Good little lap dog Schönzie. Here boy, have a bone. Now roll over. Good boy.

Cardinal Schönborn went on to state that he could understand the frustration of many of the faithful over the paedophilia scandals. “Enough is enough. That’s what many people are saying and thinking.”

Right. Actually Schönzie, this fallen Catholic is thinking more along the lines of "shoot the fuckers in the head & FedEx their souls directly to their imaginary God."
Once again, I seem to be in the minority.

The Pope, following the lead of generations of twaddle spewing Popes, is soon expected to release a "pastoral letter" to those poor "buggered by God's faithful" Irishmen.
I am almost positive this will make all their boo-boos vanish as quickly as their God seems to vanish when He's really needed.

I expect that Herr Ratzinger will follow that bit of "pastoral" hogwash with more of the same aimed at the Germans. Evidently Herr Ratzinger's brother, while professing ignorance of any sexual abuse at Regensburg, has admitted to "slapping" a few choir boys in his time.

That's a relief. Every kid knows that a good beating is scads better than a good diddling, don't they?

&, to further up the crackpot ante in this little poker game from Hell, comes the Vatican's chief Exorcist, Father Gabriele Amorth, who says that "the Devil is at work inside the Vatican."

Ah, don't you love it when religious folk, whose core belief system revolves around the concept of "free will," have such a deep and abiding aversion towards accepting responsibility for their own sordid actions?

"Yessir massa. Da debil mades me do it suh. Ol' Scratch he snuck rights up behind me suh, & whisperin' soft like, He led me directly down the road to perdition suh."

What a hunk of stinky smelly worm ridden horseshit.

To further bolster his credibility, Father Amorth claims that he's dealt with 70,000 cases of "demonic possession" in his 25 year career as a Vatican exorcist.

Hmmmm....I think it's calculator time.

Let's see...70,000 divided by 25.....that gives ya 2800 per year...divided by 365...

Holy fucking Savior's nails...

That means this guy dealt with over 7 cases a day of "demonic possession" for 25 fucking years.
What the fuck does this guy do, run the drive thru window at the Vatican's McExorcist division?

Father Amorth also says that the devil is "pure spirit, invisible. But he manifests himself with blasphemies and afflictions in the person he possesses. He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, transform himself or appear to be agreeable. At times he makes fun of me."

The Devil makes fun of you, eh Father Amorth?

For the life of me, I can't understand why?


(This wonderful little photo of Cardinal Christoph Schönborn accompanied one of the articles I used to heist quotes. Nice sun beam. Is this a veiled allusion to Christianity's origins as a glorified Sun cult? Or does it mean that if I stand in a sunbeam I'll look "holy" too? Come to think of it, by Father Amorth's account, I'm doing the Devil's work ain't eye? Damn. This religious shit is complicated...)

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