Thursday, September 27, 2012

An Army brigadier general has been charged with forcible sodomy, inappropriate relationships, and possessing alcohol and pornography while serving as a senior commander in Afghanistan earlier this year.
Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair, a deputy commanding general of the 82 nd Airborne Division, faces a possible court martial over the charges handed down Wednesday.
In May, Sinclair was sent home to the United States in the middle of his combat tour in Afghanistan, where he was serving in the southern Afghanistan province of Kandahar as the deputy commander of logistics and support for the 82 nd Airborne.
Sinclair was sent to the division's home base of Fort Bragg, N.C., so allegations of potential misconduct could be investigated. At the time of his return, base spokesmen confirmed that Sinclair was under criminal investigation.
A news release by the Fort Bragg Public Affairs Office listed the charges presented against Sinclair as including "forcible sodomy, wrongful sexual conduct, attempted violation of an order, violations of regulations by wrongfully engaging in inappropriate relationships and misusing a government travel charge card, violating general orders by possessing alcohol and pornography while deployed, maltreatment of subordinates, filing fraudulent claims, engaging in conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman and engaging in conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline, or of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces."
Few specifics about the allegations against Sinclair were released Wednesday, but a Defense Department official said "several women were the subject of Sinclair's alleged misconduct."
A former U.S. official who worked with Sinclair during his deployment in Kandahar said he and other officials who knew Sinclair were shocked by the news of the charges. He described Sinclair as being "very proactive" and a "gregarious individual."

 I suppose that this would be surprising if we lived in an alternate universe where Madison Avenue ad campaigns were completely true.

Unless, in this guys case, he saw the "BE ALL YOU CAN BE" sales pitch and thought, "Oooooo, rapist. Sign me up motherfucker."

Of course, this has nothing to do with the whole war schtick.

Wars are noble.

Warriors are heroes.

& there is absolutely nothing wrong with invading a country.

Sometimes it's necessary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...there's a modicum of collateral damage.

A few children get eviscerated.

A few women get raped.

You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.


When all is said & done, they'll thank us.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Tattooed Wankers Go A Wanking

I watched this lovely little documentary about the Toynbee Tiles late last night.
The filmmakers, one a self-styled "outsider," spent years trying to unravel the provenance of these weird little tiles that have been deposited all along the East coast of America, with a few even appearing in South America.

While its being sold as a mystery story solved with dogged determination, I think it's really a study of what happens when a fake outsider like the tattoo covered filmmaker, a typically modern product of school bullying, uncovers the real deal.

A man so uninterested in humanity he only shops late at night. A man whose neighbors rarely see him. A man who puts plywood over his windows and an intricate pipe lock on his door, and who refuses to answer the door no matter how many times the filmmakers make the attempt.

Quite frankly, if these filmmakers were concerned with anything other than their own narrow self interests, they would have walked away once they saw what this man was like. They would have left him alone.

Instead, they offer his name for public consumption.

I think that this a good criteria for discerning genuine outsiders from the myriad army of fake outsiders who pay lip service to a dislike for society but secretly ache to be accepted & loved by society. A true outsider just doesn't give a fuck.

I can also see why the RI crew loves this film. They're all faux outsiders, railing heartily against a culture whose collapse they would never survive. If America's plastic culture didn't offer them a constant influx of new media, they'd have nothing left but themselves. It's understandable.  I'm sure that being alone with any of them would be enough to drive one utterly mad.

I think the lesson here for anyone seeking to extricate him/herself from the herd of narcissistic meat suits is

If you do, the pseudo-hipster vampires will find you & leech on to you & pass you around amongst their cult of outsider wanna-bes like you were a roach smouldering on the end of a roach clip.

Think of all the dead animals
That fan out behind the average American
In a decades long trail
Of blood & gore
Just so he/she can sit
In his/her Lazy Boy
& watch this:

It's last call at the Mayan Bar & Grill
& humanity is long passed its "best by" date.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Do think that the world will soon flush itself down the toidy?

Do you feel that the day of the narcissistic meat suit is drawing to a close?

Are you afraid that you'll spend humanities last days in an underground bunker with no one other than Thumbelina  & her four sisters? Or maybe that your last days will go sour because you forgot to pack the batteries for your vibrator?

Then I have the web site for you:

Survivalist Singles

According to the SS web site

See why Survivalist Singles is the fastest growing relationship site on the web. Create your Survivalist Singles profile to begin the exciting journey towards finding your match. (Hopefully this will be a short journey world's gonna end)
Here you can meet folk like manwithaplan:

who is 59 years old and

a hard working engineer for a global corporation and now ready to get a life!! I've been prepping for 3 years and things are coming together. A like-minded women would be my prized preparation. (especially if I can lure her into my bunker just long enough to handcuff her to a bed)

or whitetiger

a 61 year old woman who has

time this past year, due to a major health crises and near death experience, to realize that I need to pursue what I want in life now, instead of just settling and feeling limited by my circumstances...(one has to wonder how much longer she thinks she'll survive whether the world ends or doesn't end).
or BohemianGirl, a 44 year old woman who is looking for

a partner that can keep me laughing. Someone who is motivated, who can engage in stimulating conversation, a renaissance man would be perfect. (After all, nothing beats a constant stream of one liners & pithy conversation when a zombie horde of starving humans are pounding on your bunker's doors, eh?)

Personally, I'd go for Larkspur_Maiden who is a

19 year old brunette with hazel eyes, weigh 115 pounds, and am 5ft 7inchs tall. I'm a newbies to prepping and survival-ism. I'm interested in learning how to hunt and tan hides. How to catch, grow, and preserve my own food. I'm planning on living a migratory lifestyle in the woods until i can start my own off the grid farm.  (So if you see a nubile young thing with spelling & syntax issues flitting through a forest near you I'd suggest that a trail of hunting magazines strategically interspersed with some hide tanning tools would be your best bet at luring her into your bunker.)
But I'd steer clear of the Baconator,

a 25 year old married man who "isn't bitter because he's single," since no one needs a bunker bound love triangle when the shit is hitting the fan (a favorite phrase of survivalists everywhere).

So, happy dating. And may Cupid's arrow not only find you your heart's desire, but also take out a deer or two so you & your survivalist soul mate can have dinner for a few days.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I know you've seen this video.

I'd just like to say that I think Pancho Romney is a very brave Hispanic American for daring to speak "the truth."

Socialism has to go.

As a start, I think we need to remove the largest socialist institution in this country.

The military.

No more "free education."
No more "free health care."
No more pork laden contracts with hidden "profit guarantee clauses."

And should corporate America be unwise enough to venture into foreign countries, their security is entirely their affair.

This idea of military entitlement makes my blood boil. The idea that the military deserves more just because they, of their own free will, enlist is entirely un-American. Primarily, I think this entitlement attitude has come about because the government actually believes the Madison Avenue bullshit they've used to sell military enlistment to rube Americans.

To alleviate this, we should immediately institute a nationwide draft.
Men & women.
No exceptions.
No exemptions.

&, should a wealthy parent mistakenly pull strings to exempt his/her young son/, say George H.W. Bush did for his cowardly son George W., then that parent will have to face the utter misfortune of having his citizenship stripped from his family, his assets, no matter how copious, seized, & he & his family will be deposited at a Middle Eastern airport wearing nothing but red, white & blue long johns.

In conclusion, I'd like to say

This means you soldier boy!

Tomorrow I'll lay out my plan for having every American, no matter how loaded daddy is,  follow up their conscripted 10 year military service with a 10 year work apprenticeship in a Chinese sweatshop.
This way they, like Pepe Le Romney, will learn to appreciate the benefits of a 16 hour day/7 days a week work ethic.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Updating My File Of Useless Internet Imagery

Dick in.

Here, Rick Santorum admits that Republicans are stupid:

& here is Ernest Angely's  latest page turner
where we will learn, according to his web site, that

Armageddon reveals the overwhelming fear, torment, death and unimaginable destruction that will take place on Earth after the Rapture. This gripping story is based on 100% Bible truth, and the end times have never before been written about in such shocking reality.  You must know about the coming Tribulation and the war to end all wars and heed God’s warnings, or you’ll regret it for all eternity.

Here's a film that has evidently sparked outrage in the Arab world.

Truthfully, I didn't realize that the production team responsible for Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus &
Super Shark had a religious films division. This is so bad it makes Ed Wood look like Fellini and it proves, once & for all, that fundamentalists of every stripe have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever.

Finally, in keeping with my END TIMES THEME, I give you New Age astrologer Barbara Hand Clow

who believes that the coming Mayan conflagration is only dangerous for those of us with a penis.

In my opinion, the reason this transition is so horrific is that the patriarchy must die so the betrayed feminine can again reign on Earth. I equate the feminine with all that is sacred and whole, and I totally trust this process.

Of course, being a New Ager she only means white folk with penises.

Which is a-ok by me since I'll take any escape hatch from this human asylum that I can get.

Dick out.

A Meaningless Rant That Will Mean Nothing To You(really)

4 years ago, at about this same "we're about to elect another tube of toothpaste" time, I was inundated with phone calls from my union, encouraging me to vote for Obama so he could "protect our wages."

&, oddly enough, the union was right about this. Obama liked my 2008 wages so much he preserved them for his entire 4 year stay in office. While they haven't gone down, they also haven't gone up.

Yay Obama.

Yay me.

Last week my employer observed "National Do Something Trivial For Your Ass Wipers So They Don't Notice Their Diminishing Resources Week" by offering us free cake. They also put up a dry erase board called "The Warm & Fuzzy Board" (I'm not kidding) where each employee has the opportunity to write the names of those workers who they think are doing a great job.

Not that it would get them any more money but it might earn them an extra piece of cake &, no doubt, a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

The fact that management thinks I should care about anyone's opinion about me if it doesn't come wrapped in a pay raise betrays a level of narcissistic egoism that is, quite frankly, astounding.

When I read the memo announcing the "Warm & Fuzzy Board" I wasn't sure if I should be violently ill or laugh until I shit myself. I really didn't see how any other response was possible.

I couldn't help wondering how those old union men would have reacted to getting a "Warm & Fuzzy Board" in lieu of a tangible pay raise.

I suppose that it isn't a coincidence that most of the supervisory staff who dream up & institute hair brained schemes like this are all women. I also doubt that it's coincidental that such completely useless emotion stroking is aimed at a workforce comprised almost entirely of women. I also doubt that it's coincidental that most of these women have cell phones glued to their fingers where they constantly update their Crackbook status while obsessively texting every one of their vacuously empty thoughts to their "social networks" as if they were a crew of vagina laden Platos who actually have interesting things to say instead of dim bulbs spewing boring & mundane & repetitive twaddle.

But that's the world we live in, isn't it?  One where emotions are Queen & the biggest setback is "feeling bad"  and the biggest sin is "making someone feel bad." Where everyone clings desperately to their "social networks" as if silence & solitude were a disease tag team that needs to be avoided at all costs.

Honestly, if I were this neurotic, weak & needy I'd eat a bullet. 

I really think this neurotic emotional neediness is why Obama is so strong amongst women. He offers them feel good fairy tales that, in the end, provide nothing tangible.

Not that I think Pancho Romney is "the man's candidate." When you're talking tubes of toothpaste they all tend to be soft & squishy.

In other words, I don't think it matters in the end.

That's why I intend on sitting out another election.

It's also why, deep inside, an ever increasing part of me hopes the Mayans were right and, come Dec. 21st, humanity finds itself as the GIANT TURD trapped in THE GREAT FLUSHING.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

On this day, 11 years ago, 2,977 Americans were killed by somebody.

Who that someone was is another question entirely.

Maybe we'll know one day. Hopefully before Dec. 21st when the world becomes a huge crispy cinder.

Personally, I think this will go down in history with some of the other unanswerable questions we've pondered for centuries like

"Why are Americans so fat & stupid?"

"How did a creature like the human, who has all the physical aesthetic appeal of a lumpy trash bag,

manage to push beautiful animals like this to extinction?"

"Does God have His head up His own ass?"

Maybe one day we'll know the truth. Heck, even the fake Lockerbie bomber got the Scots to admit the Americans framed him. Of course, he was a walking dead man when this happened, but hey, better late than never. Right?

So, if this is any indication of how reality works, at midnight on Dec. 20th, I'd look for a flood of mysteries to be cleared up.

On that happy note I leave you with my favorite solution to humanity's troubles:


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Fresh off of his cameo in THE DEPENDABLES 2, Chuck Norris takes a stand for America.

Wow Chuck, a thousand years of darkness?

That's some heavy shit your trophy wife is shoveling.

I'm curious, does the last 200+ years of slavery, genocide, bombing campaigns, manufactured wars,  hedonistic consumerism, racism, sexism & general all around buggery give us a bit of a sentence reduction for time served?
Or will we be hurdling into 1000 more years of darkness?

Not that I'd ever quibble with a guy who looks like he painted his facial hair on with ash from a barbecue.

Look Chuck, I'm a fan.
I really enjoyed watching Bruce Lee kick your ass.

& your recent DEPENDABLES film was a masterpiece of product placement.

This scene of you holding off an entire cadre of dirty foreigners on the mean streets of OUR TOWN, AMERICA, had me cheering.

So, as someone who can put a Depends on another human being in literally seconds, I must commend you & Stallone & your other costars for having the courage to, not only wear Depends while filming, but also to name your entire film after this wonderfully useful product.

You've shown that it's possible to find honor & bravery even while addressing personal potty issues. That took guts.

But seriously Chuck, calling on Evangelical Christians to support Pancho Romney seems...oh, I don't know...a bit batshit crazy.

How does the average Evangelical Christian square him/herself with Mormonism?

Your 1000 YEARS OF DARKNESS protector literally believes that GOD is an EXTRATERRESTRIAL from the planet KOLOB.

& that, upon death, the pious Mormon will be granted his own GODHOOD status & bestowed his own EARTH-LIKE PLANET to exercise his own GARDEN OF EDEN erector set building skills.

Also, the last I checked, Evangelical Christians had a pretty pronounced distaste for witchcraft.

How does one meld this distaste for all things Bewitchy with Joe Smith's affinity for ritual magic & scrying?

Joseph's job was to 'search' for the treasures by using a technique similar to water dowsing, except that he used a 'peepstone' instead of a forked stick. By placing the 'peepstone' in his hat and gazing at it like a fortune teller would gaze into a crystal ball, he would 'locate' the treasure and direct the diggers where to dig.

Look, I'm all for alternate religions. My disbelief makes them all pretty much equal on the
"GEE, THAT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE MADE THAT UP" scale, so I have no real preference.

Still, that all floats perilously close to SCIENTOLOGY-XENU-BODY THETAN territory.

Which leads me to my last question.

If you're willing to place your ash like beard & rapidly aging trophy wife squarely behind any batshit crazy religious belief just as long is it gets your party an election day victory, why didn't your party pull out all all the stops and draft this guy as your VP?