Monday, September 17, 2012

A Meaningless Rant That Will Mean Nothing To You(really)

4 years ago, at about this same "we're about to elect another tube of toothpaste" time, I was inundated with phone calls from my union, encouraging me to vote for Obama so he could "protect our wages."

&, oddly enough, the union was right about this. Obama liked my 2008 wages so much he preserved them for his entire 4 year stay in office. While they haven't gone down, they also haven't gone up.

Yay Obama.

Yay me.

Last week my employer observed "National Do Something Trivial For Your Ass Wipers So They Don't Notice Their Diminishing Resources Week" by offering us free cake. They also put up a dry erase board called "The Warm & Fuzzy Board" (I'm not kidding) where each employee has the opportunity to write the names of those workers who they think are doing a great job.

Not that it would get them any more money but it might earn them an extra piece of cake &, no doubt, a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

The fact that management thinks I should care about anyone's opinion about me if it doesn't come wrapped in a pay raise betrays a level of narcissistic egoism that is, quite frankly, astounding.

When I read the memo announcing the "Warm & Fuzzy Board" I wasn't sure if I should be violently ill or laugh until I shit myself. I really didn't see how any other response was possible.

I couldn't help wondering how those old union men would have reacted to getting a "Warm & Fuzzy Board" in lieu of a tangible pay raise.

I suppose that it isn't a coincidence that most of the supervisory staff who dream up & institute hair brained schemes like this are all women. I also doubt that it's coincidental that such completely useless emotion stroking is aimed at a workforce comprised almost entirely of women. I also doubt that it's coincidental that most of these women have cell phones glued to their fingers where they constantly update their Crackbook status while obsessively texting every one of their vacuously empty thoughts to their "social networks" as if they were a crew of vagina laden Platos who actually have interesting things to say instead of dim bulbs spewing boring & mundane & repetitive twaddle.

But that's the world we live in, isn't it?  One where emotions are Queen & the biggest setback is "feeling bad"  and the biggest sin is "making someone feel bad." Where everyone clings desperately to their "social networks" as if silence & solitude were a disease tag team that needs to be avoided at all costs.

Honestly, if I were this neurotic, weak & needy I'd eat a bullet. 

I really think this neurotic emotional neediness is why Obama is so strong amongst women. He offers them feel good fairy tales that, in the end, provide nothing tangible.

Not that I think Pancho Romney is "the man's candidate." When you're talking tubes of toothpaste they all tend to be soft & squishy.

In other words, I don't think it matters in the end.

That's why I intend on sitting out another election.

It's also why, deep inside, an ever increasing part of me hopes the Mayans were right and, come Dec. 21st, humanity finds itself as the GIANT TURD trapped in THE GREAT FLUSHING.

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