Wow Chuck, a thousand years of darkness?
That's some heavy shit your trophy wife is shoveling.
I'm curious, does the last 200+ years of slavery, genocide, bombing campaigns, manufactured wars, hedonistic consumerism, racism, sexism & general all around buggery give us a bit of a sentence reduction for time served?
Or will we be hurdling into 1000 more years of darkness?
Not that I'd ever quibble with a guy who looks like he painted his facial hair on with ash from a barbecue.
Look Chuck, I'm a fan.
I really enjoyed watching Bruce Lee kick your ass.
& your recent DEPENDABLES film was a masterpiece of product placement.
This scene of you holding off an entire cadre of dirty foreigners on the mean streets of OUR TOWN, AMERICA, had me cheering.
So, as someone who can put a Depends on another human being in literally seconds, I must commend you & Stallone & your other costars for having the courage to, not only wear Depends while filming, but also to name your entire film after this wonderfully useful product.
But seriously Chuck, calling on Evangelical Christians to support Pancho Romney seems...oh, I don't know...a bit batshit crazy.
How does the average Evangelical Christian square him/herself with Mormonism?
Your 1000 YEARS OF DARKNESS protector literally believes that GOD is an EXTRATERRESTRIAL from the planet KOLOB.
& that, upon death, the pious Mormon will be granted his own GODHOOD status & bestowed his own EARTH-LIKE PLANET to exercise his own GARDEN OF EDEN erector set building skills.
Also, the last I checked, Evangelical Christians had a pretty pronounced distaste for witchcraft.
How does one meld this distaste for all things Bewitchy with Joe Smith's affinity for ritual magic & scrying?
Joseph's job was to 'search' for the treasures by using a technique similar to water dowsing, except that he used a 'peepstone' instead of a forked stick. By placing the 'peepstone' in his hat and gazing at it like a fortune teller would gaze into a crystal ball, he would 'locate' the treasure and direct the diggers where to dig.
Look, I'm all for alternate religions. My disbelief makes them all pretty much equal on the
"GEE, THAT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE MADE THAT UP" scale, so I have no real preference.
Still, that all floats perilously close to SCIENTOLOGY-XENU-BODY THETAN territory.
Which leads me to my last question.
If you're willing to place your ash like beard & rapidly aging trophy wife squarely behind any batshit crazy religious belief just as long is it gets your party an election day victory, why didn't your party pull out all all the stops and draft this guy as your VP?