Tuesday, November 27, 2012

24 days left & the rivers have turned to blood.

Sydney's famous beaches, popular with surfers, looked more like a scene out of a horror movie today when the waters were stained blood red from an algae bloom.

Okay, it's an ocean.
& it isn't blood.

Still, if I were you, I'd


Just saying....

Monday, November 26, 2012

Just A Reminder

There's just 25 shopping days until the world goes PHZZZZZZZT & all mobile meat loafs are compressed into one tiny point and shoved right up the singularities hindquarters.

On the downside, that $59 billion that American locusts shelled out in another Black Friday consumption orgy will all be for naught since Xmas ain't coming this year Lindy Lou.


Y'see, all the signs are there.

But, with any luck, you will have already finished digging yourself a nice safe bunker and started hoarding the 37 items critical to your survival.

Otherwise, you'll find yourself right & truly screwed come December 21st.

Not to worry though, all of our spiritual flour isn't full of mice turds. 

While our horrific doom was foretold long ago by the Mayans & the Hopi, this is just the bloody placenta that accompanies our glorious rebirth into a new age of human wonderfulness.


Oh the immediate aftermath may be a shit storm wrapped in a cluster fuck, but that's just God weeding out the shitheads & douche bags. Rest assured that once this odious process is completed there will be group hugs for all.

So just remember



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dante's 10th Circle

As we're hurtling towards the last curtain call, the final epic encore in the Grand Guignol entertainment known as humanity, I've been contemplating Hell.

More specifically, Dante's unmentioned 10th circle.

I know Dante never mentioned it, but I think that's only because he didn't have the cultural equipment to interpret it.

The 10th Circle of Hell is designed just like a Wal-Mart check out section.

In Hell's version there are 500 check out lanes but only 1 is actually running. In this one line the wait is decades long & when you finally make your way to the cash register & pay, you glance into your cart only to find that your cheap vittles & your sweatshop made knick knacks & clothing & furniture has all rotted & turned to dust. This forces you to return to the store in order to fill up your cart so you can reenter the decades long line & begin the process over again.

In the background there is a never ending soundtrack of insipid Pop music playing all the time.
Strictly for your aural enjoyment.

Sam Walton Contemplating His Creation

Next Week I will examine Dante's 11th Circle of Hell. This involves a never ending Christmas shopping season.

Here, smiling happy Westerners super glue a baby & a mushroom gobbling shaman wild man onto their "bring the Sun back from the darkness"  solstice celebration, & then celebrate this by buying oodles & oodles of "soon to pad landfills" junk made by made by slave & sweatshop labor.

Be there or be square.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Racism Is A Dead Issue In America

That's a funny one, isn't it?

I bring up race because, on Sunday morning, I got a nice view of what I can only refer to as economic racism.

In most regards, it was a typical Sunday & a typical 16 hour workday. Because we're so horrendously short staffed, as always, I was elected to chauffeur clients to & from the hospital.

As I was leaving the hospital for one of my return voyages, I passed The Light Of Life Mission, which runs a soup kitchen on the North Side of Pittsburgh. The soup kitchen wasn't open yet so there was a long line of folks waiting to go in for breakfast.

All of them were African American.

At the other end of the same block, there was an upscale coffee shop with a group of about 8-10 men standing around, outfitted in full Lance Armstrong style biker gear, holding their lattes & whipped fruit drinks & their super expensive mountain bikes. No doubt preparing for their morning bike jaunt around the city.

All of them were white.

While geographically these two groups were only a block apart, in reality it was like they existed in different solar systems.

Now, as much as I'm disillusioned with American politics, I don't find that President Obama is much different than every other president that I've known in my life. In many regards, he appears to be a step above the rest of them.

Granted the pickings are slim. First there was Ronnie "I'm hurtling into dementia" Reagan, who was followed by George H.W. (He's a Wimp) Bush, who was followed by Bill "I enjoy a good vaginal cigar" Clinton, who was followed by my personal favorite, George "I couldn't form a coherent thought if my life depended on it" Bush.

Yet, the right wing seems to literally seethe with hatred whenever Obama's name is mentioned. I've personally heard him referred to as "a nigger" more times than I can count.

I mean, this is what folk like Rush Limbaugh & Bill O'Reilly really mean when they say "it's no longer OUR country," isn't it?

It's no longer whiteys country.

Of course, that's utter bullshit. The real reins of power, the money, will obviously always remain in white hands. At least in America, where the mass of low rent bottom feeders weep bitter tears at the plight of the super rich while folk that they are really only a few lost paychecks away from joining can be portrayed, in their minds, as "leeches."

It's an interesting society we have here. With a few spins of the propaganda wheel, huge masses of people can be convinced to gleefully slit their own throats.

Unless you're a complete idiot, you know the economy wasn't collapsed by a few "leeches" with bad mortgages. It was the wonderfully patriotic super rich Wall Street dickwads who bundled those mortgages for investment, publicly stamped them with a AAA rating while privately guffawing at their utter worthlessness, and then made money on them hand over fist over knuckle over eyeball. And then, when their worthlessness became apparent, they emptied out the national piggy bank to cover their economic raping of the rest of us.

While I still don't have much faith in President Obama, I do sit in awe of the rich & powerful. They, quite obviously, recognized the racism that dots the underbelly of America like a cancer. In many ways, it appears that the simple act of selecting a black president would, in the end, be the best bit of smokescreen they could ever muster for their crimes.

Because, as every white boy & girl in America knows, it's always the nigger who did it.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Guilty Pleasure

Look, I know elections are pretty much rigged shams where we choose the brand of toothpaste we'll use to clean the taste of shit out of our mouths for 4 years.

I know Barack isn't going to do anything more for me than Pancho Romney would do.

Still, I used to be a Liberal & a Democrat and I guess old habits really do die a fucking hard death.

Because I couldn't help chuckling like a mad man when I saw pudgy baby man Karl Rove as his head did a continual 360 like he was the Exorcist's Regan stuck in a perpetual tape loop while he simultaneously pissed & shit himself when he refused to accept FOX News election results.

I know I'm an asshole.

Still, it was pretty damn funny.

Monday, November 5, 2012

One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingy

After weeks of non-stop political phone calls, I have to wonder what big brained political strategist thinks harassment is a sure fire way to get me to the polls.

I received 3 phone calls from Bill Clinton in the last hour alone. I tried to get a word in, being curious about Bill's tendency to use vaginas as cigar humidors, but Bill kept rambling on like I wasn't even there.
I'm not proud to admit it, but I was forced to hang up on the guy.

15 minutes later Bill calls back with the same spiel.


Then 15 minutes after that we're in deja vu land once again.

Gee, you'd almost think it was a taped message.

Yesterday, MoveOn.annoying sent me a "voting report card" to show me that I'm a "below average" voter.

My self esteem still hasn't recovered.

Thanks to bully boy Bill & his belittling cronies at MoveOn.biteme I'm much too ashamed to leave my own home let alone go to a public place & vote.

It will take me weeks to rebound from this shit.

Thanks guys.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

This Tuesday, Remember To...

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