Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Deck The Halls With Bowels & Jelly

Black Pete & Santa wish y'all a HAPPY HOLIDAYS

&, lest we forget, we must always remember to KEEP CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS. So a big fat MERRY CHRISTMAS from the big dead cheese.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Move Over Lady Ga Ga

 This is too astounding to be covered under the word "astounding." I might actually listen to the radio if they played music like this. Hell, John Wayne Bobbitt might have avoided a world of hurt if the radio played music like this.

This is from Chief Kooffreh's album "Orgasm," which has such catchy song titles as:

350 Million American Consumers VS. Chinese Prime Minister, Ruling Class, We demand Respect Donald Trump


Special American Military Honors Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines Many Good Men Fight and Die so that you Can Be Free

&, of course

Orgasm - Milk Shake.

Buy it, live it, love it.


Thursday, October 31, 2013

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

It's A Screaming Jay October

Nobody does it like Screaming Jay.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Throw Away Your Ovaltine & Buy Yourself Some Benzedrine

The story goes like this: One day, Elvis the Pelvis Presley showed up at Sam Phillips Sun Records Studio & tried to talk Sam into letting him record. Sam wasn't having any of it. He was in the process of turning the Pelvis away when the young King to be pulled some of Mama Presley's diet pills out of his pocket. Sam, never one to turn down good speed, invited Elvis in. The rest is,of course, history.

While this has all the gravitas of an apocryphal anecdote, it was somewhat confirmed when this Macy Skipper side was discovered mouldering in the Sun vaults in the 1970s.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Psychotronic Country Weirdness

They don't make them like this anymore.

These days Country music sounds like retread 70s soft rock slop. It waves the fucking flag & sells trucks & football & beer to clueless rubes who are too dumb to see the true face of their red white & blue madhouse in all its glory.

All of that good old fashioned inbred American psychosis has been leeched out
until what's left is anemic, homogenized, bland & safe for the masses.

Fuck that.

Instead, give me the hate & the decay & the gibbering Ed Gein ambiance that has always hovered around the American heartland like a dry ice fog. 

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Feeling Paranoid?

The Sotos Brothers doing Little Lila. Awesome baby.

That was added onto a scene from Sam Fuller's 60's classic "Shock Corridor," a blistering indictment of Cold War paranoia & good ol' racism.

Then we have a few from Tommy Bruce. This is da shit daddy-o!!!!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Where's The Outrage, The Celebrity Solidarity, The Marches & Placards & T-Shirts & Pithy Slogans

Disclose.tv - Black Teens Murder White Baby For The Fun Of It In Georgia

Two teenage suspects, one as young as 14, have been arrested in the shooting death of a 1-year-old Georgia boy, who was killed as his mother pushed him in a stroller, police announced today.

Chief Tobe Green of the Brunswick Police Department said that Demarquis Elkins, 17, and a 14-year-old unidentified suspect whose name has been withheld because of his age, were arrested early this morning in connection with the baby's death, and both have been charged with first-degree murder.

Sherry West, the 41-year-old mother of the child, told police she'd been walking her 13-month-old son, Antonio, in a stroller Thursday morning through their Brunswick, Ga., neighborhood when two African-American boys approached her and demanded money. When she told them she didn't have any money, West said one of the boys pulled out a handgun.

"He said, 'I'm going to kill you if you don't give me money,' and I said, 'I swear I don't have any,"' West told WAWS-TV in Jacksonville, Fla.

West said she tried to shield her child with her arms, but the gunman shoved her and shot the baby in the head. West was shot in the leg.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Monday, May 27, 2013

Post Apocalyptic Greasy Sax Solo Blues

The Musical Linn Twins had released a few 45s of entirely unremarkable country mush when, one day in 1958, possessed by some demonic force far beyond mortal ken, they entered the studio & recorded these two slabs of inspired & utterly demented lunacy.

Then we have Tommie Martin & the XLs. This platter full of ear wax is really beyond description. This will have to suffice:

"It's like overhearing some weird picked-on introverted kid totally lose it at recess after he's been invaded by a demon."

They literally don't make rock n roll like this anymore. Hell, they never made much rock n roll like this back then either. Stellar shit. Required listening at your next Armageddon Party.

Walter "The Maniac" Stone recorded this bit of hyper babble live at the Thunderbird Club in Naptown, IN sometime in the early 60s.

Finally we got a platter slathered with the smell of cheap cologne, boozy breath & funky, none too clean, glitter jump suits. This one is by the man, the legend, the one & only Wayne Cochran.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Juicy As A Can Of Spam (This Is For All My Spamulon Brethren)

It's the divorce that could split up control of America's fastest growing oil company and lead to a record-breaking paycheck for the wife who claims her husband cheated.
Harold Hamm, 67, who ranks No. 35 on Forbes' list of richest Americans, is a self-made man worth more than $11 billion.
Sue Ann Hamm, 56, Harold's second wife, filed for divorce on May 19, 2012, claiming that she discovered he was having an affair in 2010, eventually prompting her to end their nearly 25-year marriage.
Hamm was the senior energy advisor on Mitt Romney's presidential campaign and is so wealthy that the candidate allegedly shied away from appearing in public with him. An industry leader, Hamm is a promoter of fracking - the business of squeezing oil out of rocks in places like North Dakota.
The divorce could award Sue Ann Hamm's part of Harold Hamm's 68 percent stake in Continental Resources - the oil company he and his wife built together.
Wow, this guy looks like the innards of a Spam can sculpted into a humanoid shape & then left out to bake in the sun. I couldn't think of a more fitting name than Harold Hamm.

What a hoot!!

Rare photo of Spam gang bang
or Spam Bang.

Sunday, March 17, 2013





Friday, March 15, 2013

A wealth research group called Spectrem Group announced that 300,000 people have joined the status of millionaires.

&, once again, I'm not one of them.

Hey, there's always tomorrow.

I find it best to stay positive.

To keep a stiff upper lip.

To always turn that frown upside down

& always remember that

when life hands you a bag of lemons

you need to go & make some lemonade.

I try to be thankful

& humble

& contrite

I LOL whenever possible

& I S(hit)M(y)P(ants)L(aughing) at ever opportunity

like the recent bar shooting in Mexico

that was a rib tickler

& yeah yeah yeah

I know that there are homeless people

but they're homeless cause they want to be

plain & simple

God doesn't give you more than you can handle

He loves us too much

Did you know that He sent His only Son

To die for our sins

You should thank Him

Right now


This minute

Do it


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

While driving to work on Sunday morning I happened to glance at the marquee of a Catholic Church I was passing. Sunday's sermon title was posted. It said:

"Why God thinks we're special."

Wow, isn't humanity great?

Not only are we massive egoists who have managed to decimate the planet,  most of the other animal species on the planet, along with any group of humans who disagree with us, but we also need to know that "God thinks we're special."

What a fucking hoot.

We're like sociopaths suffering from insecurity issues.

Or, better yet, a giant tumor with low self esteem.

WILL IT NEVER FUCKING END?????????????????????

On & on it goes, like a taped looped bowel movement...

Sunday, March 3, 2013

My oldest son got to experience his first school shooter lockdown last week.


21st century America is soooooooooo fucking cool. Each day is a potential foray into an action flick. Luckily it was a false alarm.

Maybe we can convince Steven Seagal & his millions of hours of weapons training to journey  here for a little posse forming.

I also think the whole "lockdown" plan is utterly brilliant. First you lock the shooter in with the kids. Then you lock the kids in their classrooms behind doors with big fucking glass windows in them.

From what I understand, primarily from the voices in my head, glass is an excellent bullet repellant.

I bet you didn't know that.
A student's outgoing voice mail message quoting the theme to "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" led to a school lockdown in Ambridge, Pa.
The Times Online in Beaver, Pa., explains what happened. A receptionist from a doctor's office called to remind student Travis Clawson about an upcoming appointment. Clawson didn't pick up, so the call went to voice mail.
The receptionist heard what sounded like a threat about "shooting" and "school" on Clawson's outgoing message. Apparently, the message was intended to quote a lyric from the Will Smith sitcom's theme song that goes, "And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school." It's unclear if the receptionist misheard Clawson's message or if the student altered the lyrics.
The receptionist notified police, who notified school officials, who instituted a lockdown on every school in the county. After 20 frantic minutes, authorities located Clawson in the high school's guidance counselor's office.
Police took him into custody and interviewed him. It was then that Clawson explained his message was just a riff on the popular '90s sitcom about a young Philadelphia man who goes to live with his "auntie and uncle in Bel Air." According to Times Online, District Attorney Anthony Berosh said that after listening to the message closely it was determined that it did follow the Quincy Jones-penned song. Clawson was released and no charges were filed.
No word on whether he said "Smell ya later" upon being cleared.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

fetish-an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion

Sunday, February 3, 2013

The Signal In The Noise-The Noise In The Signal

As an Alabama standoff and hostage drama marked a sixth day Sunday, more details emerged about the suspect at the center, with neighbors and officials painting a picture of an isolated man estranged from his family. Authorities say Jim Lee Dykes, 65 — a decorated Vietnam-era veteran known as Jimmy to neighbors — gunned down a school bus driver and abducted a 5-year-old boy from the bus, taking him to an underground bunker on his rural property. The driver, 66-year-old Charles Albert Poland Jr., was buried Sunday. Dykes, described as a loner who railed against the government, lives up a dirt road outside this tiny hamlet north of Dothan in the southeastern corner of the state. His home is just off the main road north to the state capital of Montgomery, about 80 miles away.

A former Marine has been charged with three counts of murder in the killing of former Navy SEAL and "American Sniper" author Chris Kyle, the most deadly sniper in U.S. history, and another man at an Erath County, Texas, gun range, police said. "We have lost more than we can replace. Chris was a patriot, a great father, and a true supporter of this country and its ideals. This is a tragedy for all of us. I send my deepest prayers and thoughts to his wife and two children," Scott McEwen, co-author of "American Sniper: The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History," said in a statement to ABC News. Remembering Kyle for the number of Iraqi insurgents he killed misstates his legacy, McEwen said. "His legacy is not one of being the most lethal sniper in United States history," McEwen said. In my opinion, his legacy is one of saving lives in a very difficult situation where Americans where going to be killed if he was not able to do his job." Kyle and a neighbor of his were shot at a gun range in Glen Rose while helping a former Marine who was recovering from post traumatic stress syndrome, ABC affiliate WFAA-TV in Dallas reported.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Fun Facts For All

Here are some nifty historical factoids my teenaged son learned at his public school this year:

1. Slavery took place during the Great Depression.

2. The Great Depression did not take place during the 1930s.

3. Auschwitz Concentration Camp was in Germany.

4. Angels are real.

Friday, January 4, 2013

The Alchemical Church Of Enhanced Bovines

The U.S. military is already using, or fast developing, a wide range of technologies meant to give troops what California Polytechnic State University researcher Patrick Lin calls “mutant powers.” Greater strength and endurance. Superior cognition. Better teamwork. Fearlessness.

Now imagine a future battlefield teeming with amphetamine-fueled pilots, a cyborg infantry and commanders whose brains have been shocked into achieving otherwise impossible levels of tactical cunning.
These enhancements and others have tremendous combat potential, the researchers state. “Somewhere in between robotics and biomedical research, we might arrive at the perfect future warfighter: one that is part machine and part human, striking a formidable balance between technology and our frailties.”

Greater strength and endurance. Enhanced thinking. Better teamwork. New classes of genetic weaponry, able to subvert DNA. Not long from now, the technology could exist to routinely enhance — and undermine — people’s minds and bodies using a wide range of chemical, neurological, genetic and behavioral techniques.

It’s warfare waged at the evolutionary level. And it’s coming sooner than many people think. According to the futurists at the U.S. National Intelligence Council, by 2030, “neuro-enhancements could provide superior memory recall or speed of thought. Brain-machine interfaces could provide ‘superhuman‘ abilities, enhancing strength and speed, as well as providing functions not previously available.”

Qualities that today must be honed by years of training and education could be installed in a relative instant by, say, an injection or a targeted burst of electricity to the brain. Rapid advancements in neurology, pharmacology and genetics could soon make such installations fairly easy.

These modifications could give rise to new breeds of biologically enhanced troops possessing what one expert in the field calls “mutant powers.” But those troops may not American. So far, the U.S. military has been extremely reluctant to embrace human biological modification, or “biomods.” And that could result in a veritable mutant gap. In this new form of biological warfare, the U.S. could find itself outgunned.

But not if Andrew Herr can help it.

A 29-year-old Georgetown-trained researcher with degrees in microbiology, health physics and national security, Herr is one a handful of specialists in the defense community preaching greater U.S. investment in biomods. First as a consultant with the Scitor Corporation, a Virginia-based firm whose clients include top military and intelligence agencies, and later as the head of his own research organization, Herr’s job has been to think about biological modifications whose effects he says are “more than evolutionary.”

The military-industrial complex just got a little bit livelier. Quite literally.

That’s because Darpa, the Pentagon’s far-out research arm, has kicked off a program designed to take the conventions of manufacturing and apply them to living cells. Think of it like an assembly line, but one that would churn out modified biological matter — man-made organisms — instead of cars or computer parts.

The program, called “Living Foundries,” was first announced by the agency last year. Now, Darpa’s handed out seven research awards worth $15.5 million to six different companies and institutions. Among them are several Darpa favorites, including the University of Texas at Austin and the California Institute of Technology. Two contracts were also issued to the J. Craig Venter Institute. Dr. Venter is something of a biology superstar: He was among the first scientists to sequence a human genome, and his institute was, in 2010, the first to create a cell with entirely synthetic genome.

“Living Foundries” aspires to turn the slow, messy process of genetic engineering into a streamlined and standardized one. Of course, the field is already a burgeoning one: Scientists have tweaked cells in order to develop renewable petroleum and spider silk that’s tough as steel. And a host of companies are investigating the pharmaceutical and agricultural promise lurking — with some tinkering, of course — inside living cells.

Editor's note: This op/ed is by Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky.

The first day of a new Congress always represents a fresh start, when the newly risen dead assume their positions at the table of government. This year, it also presents a perfect opportunity to tackle the single-greatest challenge facing our nation: why our elected leaders look like a gathering of unrepentant child molesters, panty sniffers, glue huffers & all around degenerate bastards. Alas, we didn't do this, preferring to concentrate on boring budget issues instead.

Earlier this week, I helped negotiate an imperfect solution aimed at avoiding the entirely imaginary “fiscal cliff.” I say "entirely imaginary" because "the cliff," much like our economy, is a complete illusion.  If I had my way taxes would not have gone up on anyone. In fact, if I really would have had my way, I would have proudly wandered through the halls of government wearing nothing but that fetching silk bra and panty set I keep hidden for "special occasions," tossing tax dollars to pre-lubed cabin boys as they worship my flaccid old penis like it was a God....


I digress...

Initially, we, the only true Americans, wanted a budget that would reflect our values. We sought to have anyone who isn't independently wealthy shot & their bodies dumped into a giant wood chipper.
Oddly, our position became untenable once the wood chipper idea was made public.

Instead, we were forced to accept an entirely unfavorable solution put forth by a President who has come to represent everything reprehensible about the human animal. He is, as I'm sure you're all well aware, a BLACK HITLER.

I think that this should be a lesson & a warning for every lily white honky cracker reading this today.
After years of slavery & discrimination, minstrel shows & blaxploitation cinema, a new day is about to dawn & a new leader is seizing the reins of power...

A frightened Senator McConnell preparing to give President Obama the Black Power salute at the start of yesterday's budget negotiations