Friday, January 4, 2013

Editor's note: This op/ed is by Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky.

The first day of a new Congress always represents a fresh start, when the newly risen dead assume their positions at the table of government. This year, it also presents a perfect opportunity to tackle the single-greatest challenge facing our nation: why our elected leaders look like a gathering of unrepentant child molesters, panty sniffers, glue huffers & all around degenerate bastards. Alas, we didn't do this, preferring to concentrate on boring budget issues instead.

Earlier this week, I helped negotiate an imperfect solution aimed at avoiding the entirely imaginary “fiscal cliff.” I say "entirely imaginary" because "the cliff," much like our economy, is a complete illusion.  If I had my way taxes would not have gone up on anyone. In fact, if I really would have had my way, I would have proudly wandered through the halls of government wearing nothing but that fetching silk bra and panty set I keep hidden for "special occasions," tossing tax dollars to pre-lubed cabin boys as they worship my flaccid old penis like it was a God....


I digress...

Initially, we, the only true Americans, wanted a budget that would reflect our values. We sought to have anyone who isn't independently wealthy shot & their bodies dumped into a giant wood chipper.
Oddly, our position became untenable once the wood chipper idea was made public.

Instead, we were forced to accept an entirely unfavorable solution put forth by a President who has come to represent everything reprehensible about the human animal. He is, as I'm sure you're all well aware, a BLACK HITLER.

I think that this should be a lesson & a warning for every lily white honky cracker reading this today.
After years of slavery & discrimination, minstrel shows & blaxploitation cinema, a new day is about to dawn & a new leader is seizing the reins of power...

A frightened Senator McConnell preparing to give President Obama the Black Power salute at the start of yesterday's budget negotiations

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