Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Starsky & Hutch Take Libya

Here's an interesting bit of journalistic hocus-pocus from last night's Jon Stewart show. I'm labeling Stewart's comedy shtick as "journalism" because it is journalism to the hipper members of the American left since Stewart is popularly viewed as someone willing to "speak truth to power." Whatever the fuck that mouthful actually means in real terms is infinitely debatable.

Personally, I see Stewart as the anti-Beck. Or maybe Glenn Beck is the anti-Stewart. Either way, they feed at the same media trough, and they've both grown quite wealthy spoon feeding Americans the preformed opinions they crave like smack.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Mansour O. El-Kikhia
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire BlogThe Daily Show on Facebook

What I found interesting is how easily Stewart slips back into the "US as world cop" obfuscation.
This hunk of moldy dogshit has been painted on every boot heel we've stomped in someone else's chest since about the dawn of forever.

Tonight, Stewart followed with much of the same as he defended Obama's "why we're bombing Libya" speech as a less bullshit laden version of every president's need to balance "national interest" with "humanitarian concern."

It seems that even truth speakers like Stewart have their secret little hard-ons for a good bloodbath.

What I really found most disturbing about the little exchange above is Professor
El-Kikhia's cavalier dismissal of "nation-states" coupled with his call for Obama to
"take a stance in changing the world order."
How this differs from the neo-con agenda entirely escapes me.

Probably because it doesn't.

But Stewart, truth speaker to the powerful that he is, couldn't let that little canard fly free. He had to skewer it with that razor like intellect liberal America so loves to love.
My favorite part has to be this bit:

"The humanitarian goal of America to save people from despots is a righteous one but...do we have anymore the power, the capability, to go into these places, change the regimes, stay there and rebuild the country that we have disassembled...I don't know that that's feasible."

The professor responds, then Stewart goes on to say:

"So you believe in the leadership of the United States...the problem is our competing interests. The Chinese & Russia, they are very strategic in how...sure we can keep taking the lead, and they will keep taking the proceeds from that & not putting anything in."

I think we have, in a nutshell, Jon Stewart's entire quibble with the US military/industrial/cineplex...

Utterly fucking amazing.

Stewart, not content sounding like a complete buffoon, also goes on to alter history back to pre-GW status by saying this about the Soviet Union's foray into Afghanistan:

"Okay, Russia invades Afghanistan. We go in & we arm the rebels there, and they repel a Russian invasion there against all odds, and we think, 'What a remarkable thing we've done,' and those rebels become the Taliban & Osama bin Laden."

Do you see why Stewart is the anti-Beck?
If not, maybe the phrase "good cop/bad cop" will jog something loose.

Q: The former director of the CIA, Robert Gates, stated in his memoirs ["From the Shadows"], that American intelligence services began to aid the Mujahadeen in Afghanistan 6 months before the Soviet intervention. In this period you were the national security adviser to President Carter. You therefore played a role in this affair. Is that correct?

Brzezinski: Yes. According to the official version of history, CIA aid to the Mujahadeen began during 1980, that is to say, after the Soviet army invaded Afghanistan, 24 Dec 1979. But the reality, secretly guarded until now, is completely otherwise: Indeed, it was July 3, 1979 that President Carter signed the first directive for secret aid to the opponents of the pro-Soviet regime in Kabul. And that very day, I wrote a note to the president in which I explained to him that in my opinion this aid was going to induce a Soviet military intervention.

Q: Despite this risk, you were an advocate of this covert action. But perhaps you yourself desired this Soviet entry into war and looked to provoke it?

Brzezinski: It isn't quite that. We didn't push the Russians to intervene, but we knowingly increased the probability that they would.

Q: When the Soviets justified their intervention by asserting that they intended to fight against a secret involvement of the United States in Afghanistan, people didn't believe them. However, there was a basis of truth. You don't regret anything today?

Brzezinski: Regret what? That secret operation was an excellent idea. It had the effect of drawing the Russians into the Afghan trap and you want me to regret it? The day that the Soviets officially crossed the border, I wrote to President Carter: We now have the opportunity of giving to the USSR its Vietnam war. Indeed, for almost 10 years, Moscow had to carry on a war unsupportable by the government, a conflict that brought about the demoralization and finally the breakup of the Soviet empire.

Q: And neither do you regret having supported the Islamic [integrisme], having given arms and advice to future terrorists?

Brzezinski: What is most important to the history of the world? The Taliban or the collapse of the Soviet empire? Some stirred-up Moslems or the liberation of Central Europe and the end of the cold war?

Q: Some stirred-up Moslems? But it has been said and repeated: Islamic fundamentalism represents a world menace today.

Brzezinski: Nonsense! It is said that the West had a global policy in regard to Islam. That is stupid. There isn't a global Islam. Look at Islam in a rational manner and without demagoguery or emotion. It is the leading religion of the world with 1.5 billion followers. But what is there in common among Saudi Arabian fundamentalism, moderate Morocco, Pakistan militarism, Egyptian pro-Western or Central Asian secularism? Nothing more than what unites the Christian countries.
Interview of Zbigniew Brzezinski Le Nouvel Observateur (France), Jan 15-21, 1998, p. 76

Of course, the above quote from ol' ZEE BEE is old baggage from The Bush Years: Liberal Internet Blogger Edition. I'd bet money that Stewart even covered it at some point.

But that was then

While this is now:

"The liberal class played the same function during the war in Vietnam. War becomes a necessary evil. The rhetoric of the liberal class, however, mocks the brutal reality of war. Most liberals have never been in combat. Their children rarely serve in the military. They neither know nor understand the destructive power of modern weaponry or the propensity on the part of armed combatants, whose fear and paranoia are raised to a fever pitch, to shoot any person, armed or unarmed, or obliterate whole villages in air strikes, if they feel threatened."
Chris Hedges

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Another Day Another War

Saturday night I saw Geraldo Rivera salivating as the "anti-war" president went to war.
Then again, is it really war or just a sport with a high price tag?
Geraldo made copious use of the word "we" in much the same way a sports fan uses it, dissecting Team Odyssey Dawn & Team Gadhafi as if he were an ESPN talking head dissecting a Steelers/Browns match-up.

President Marketing had fun recycling the same language that US presidents always use right before they blow the shit out of someone. It amazes me that no matter how many wars end up being about something nefarious, they always start out as "defensive" wars undertaken to "protect" the innocent.

You think we'd learn.

Then again, maybe we have. War, like sports, is little more than a vicarious pursuit for most Americans. Evidently there is no greater thrill for the American population than entwining their dwindling self esteem with victories they really have nothing to do with.

Anyway, these decisions are beyond our purview. Agree or disagree as you please, just don't expect any of your opinions to matter much.

Given Jim Cramer's salivating assurances that oil prices will drop once the no-fly zone is put into place and all that Libyan oil "comes on-line," one can't help but wonder what O-bama Lama's response would have been if Libya's wells were empty.
Of course, dropping oil prices means little to me since I doubt that any of it will be reflected at the pumps or at the grocery aisle.

Predators rarely back off once they've tasted weakness & blood & profit.

At least six states are considering either canceling or delaying their 2012 presidential primaries, mostly to save money.

Why not cancel all elections?
Our owners can then do publicly what they've been doing clandestinely for years.

Since there's no shortage of Tomahawk missile money, money doesn't appear to be the real issue. Maybe elections are just another example of outdated Socialist excess loudly crying out for the "austerity measure" chopping block.

Either way, I don't think it really matters.

Jim Cramer unsubtly explaining to the unemployed how to suck cock for a Mad Twenty
Here he's shown covering "Cock Grasping & Mouth Width."
Tomorrow, Mr. Cramer will discuss anal lubrication for the underemployed
in a lecture entitled "Spittle: Equivalent To KY Yet Cheaper Than Penny Stocks."
Tune In, Turn Off & Drop Dead.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

From The Kingdom Of Caring Comes Another Care-A-Lot Adventure

I seriously have to thank the RI forum crew. I am immensely grateful for the mega-chuckles I've had cruising through the Internut eco-Care Bear wonderland.
Something I wouldn't have done without the RI cult of smug little Googlers.
Originally, I was gonna post this there just to be a wanker, but I lost interest & it languished.

(To be honest, I was afraid they'd wilt me with more sarcasm. I must say, that is one effective weapon. If I were them, sarcasm would definitely be my weapon of choice when those ravening hordes of starving, overweight Americans descend on their veggie gardens. As a back up plan, they can always disable them with irony.)

Then I read Chris Hedge's new book, The Death Of The Liberal Class, & his masterful deconstruction of liberal bullshit inspired me play pile on.
I should add that I spent a large chunk of my youth as a flaming liberal, eternally hopeful that the Democratic Party would eventually do something liberal if I just kept voting for them.
Thus my embarrassing 1st term support for Billary Clinton.
I can still feel the rectal scars from that particularly nasty piece of faux liberal dildo.

I suppose that I've always had suspicions that the eco-Care Bear movement wasn't nearly as fuzzy wuzzy as it sounded. Little did I know how unfuzzy & unwuzzy it really is.

My first exhibit is a web page detailing the "prophetic Earth change visions" of a man named George Shaffer.

From what I can tell from the 15 years of visions he's posted, none of them have come to pass. No "Tsunami hitting Japan." No "Japan's reactors spring leak."
Boy, lucky us, huh?

To be fair, he does post this for 3/12/10:

During meditation I saw a mushroom cloud which would be a result of a nuclear device being detonated above ground. Then I was shown a page of oriental style writing which (of course) I could not read. I was probably being made aware of where this could be happening.

which is disarmingly close to our current state of affairs.

Truthfully, the bulk of the visions are fairly repetitive. Replete with massive volcanoes & jiggly Earth crust & comets raining from the sky, they really become quite boring rather quickly.
Still, George seems like a nice enough fellow, so I'll give him points for sincerity.

But the absolute best part of the site is the little audio clip that clicks on as soon as you land in EarthChangeLand.

Over a soundtrack of, what sounds like, quasi-Universal Monster Movie-like organ music, Mr. Shaffer, in a bizarrely robotic manner, delivers his message of welcome & Earth change.



Cool. George seems to be the Jiminy Cricket of the Earth Change movement, mechanically singing:

All in all, George sounds like the narrator of a bad 50s sci-fi flick.
Quite amusing.

George even has a page of "UFO visions." That's a surprise. Didn't see that one coming.
George says,

Who are we kidding here George? Or should I say VALIS?

My next exhibit is a website called Live Green Or Die. Gosh, sounds like the home of the warrior mystics wing of the eco-Care Bear movement.

The site appears to be a web portal to all things organic.
Let's look at some nifty organic clothing.
One site, called GAIAM, offers eco-friendly clothing to the discerning woman of the eco-Care Bear persuasion. (am I being too gender specific when I use the word "woman?" I understand that liberal "men" tend have blurry gender lines & I'd hate to offend anyone. Maybe I could refer to them as Real D vaginas while the men could be Virtual Penises) Let's see, 1 vest & 1 pair of organic slacks = $100. As an accessory, they also offer a "fair trade" necklace made by Thailand's Karen hill tribe. This goes for $149 dollars. That makes the price tag on this little ensemble ad up to $250 dollars.

The next outfit offered to us is a Mini Thermal Shrug for $58, an Organic Cotton Stretch Cami with Bra for $29 & Organic Bootcut Pants for $68. That comes to $155 for this hot & stylish eco-Care Bear ensemble.

To be fair, this appears semi-cheap compared to the sites offering silk ($149) or hemp ($85) blouses. Now, the hemp clothing wouldn't be bad if I could ball it up & shove it in my bong once it slips out of style in eco-Care Bear Land.
Alas, I fear it ain't so Joe.

Although, it's nice to know that an eco-friendly world will still be a fashion statement world. There are so many sentient Barbie Dolls wandering around, one would hate to think that the brave new world would leave out the "look cutesy & accessorize" contingent of vagina owners.

Okay, enough fashion. Let's move on to a few folk who are pillars of the eco-Care Bear community.

First up, we have Sun Bear, a self styled shaman who predicted periods of hurricanes & tornadoes, continent busting earthquakes, spewing volcanoes, famines & plagues.
I say self styled because some Native Americans doubted his bloodline and dismissed him as a white "wannabe" who ripped off their traditions.

Gee, imagine that...a white guy playing shaman.
Sounds so...so...unique.

Next, we have Gordon Michael Scallion & his Matrix Institute. Gordon offers a newsletter subscription at $69 per year and a map set priced at $50, showing what the world will look like after the earth changes occur & Mommy finishes our collective spanking.
These maps have been provided to Gordon in visions, first in 1979 & then updated periodically since that time. I guess the future is even a bit fuzzy in the spirit world. Maybe Mommy keeps changing Her mind. After all, that's supposed to be a woman's prerogative. Oops, I said "woman," didn't I? I meant to type "real D vagina." My bad.

Let's look at some of Gordon's visionary bulls...oops...I mean, visionary wisdom.

• Two years before the current economic crisis began Gordon Michael Scallion warned readers to prepare for an economic downturn that would rival The Great Depression. Thousands of "Intuitive Flash" members took advantage of Mr. Scallion’s insight and took action.

• A year before New Orleans was hit by a hurricane, Gordon Michael Scallion warned that the city of New Orleans would go under water within the coming year and that coastal residents should get flood insurance to protect their investments.

• When oil was trading at $23 a barrel Gordon Michael Scallion warned that oil would hit $50 on its way up to over $100 a barrel. Many readers dumped their gas guzzlers for Mr. Scallion’s recommended hybrid vehicles.

• When gold was trading at $350 Gordon Michael Scallion predicted gold would break $1,000 and silver $20 in 2007 or 2008. Many readers took Mr. Scallion’s advice and diversified their holdings to include some gold and silver.

• In 1992 Gordon Michael Scallion warned that student violence would erupt especially at schools. Mr. Scallion stated that this was caused by metaphysical influences and would continue until the world moved from a materialist society to a spiritual one.

• At the May 2007 Edgar Cayce Prophecy Conference, 19 months before the U.S. Presidential election, Mr. Scallion while in a higher intuitive state of consciousness was asked, “Who will be the next U.S. President?“ Mr. Scallion responded, “Lincoln will occupy the White House.“ Answering a follow up question, “Who is Lincoln,” Mr. Scallion replied, "Obama."

Hmmm...diversified investments? Gold & silver ownership? Hybrid vehicles? Obama is Lincoln? (Given Honest Abe's secret dislike for our darker citizens, this particular incarnation must be quite the bummer)

Gee, I'm beginning to think that the eco-Care Bear movement is comprised of upscale wealthy liberals.

There's also the really disturbing "stench of whitebread" around this whole movement.
Surely, that can't be true, can it? Upscale liberals who privately avoid the unwashed masses they publicly champion. Although, it would explain why early Earth Changers had a creepy fondness for The Phoenix Liberator & its end times Bloody Mary sprinkled with anti-Jewish paprika screeds.

Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, depending on your level of cynicism, the disturbing "whitebread stench" seems to float around a great many liberal institutions. For instance, my last foray into Mother Jones Land revealed a magazine made up of white liberals with a "minority" fetish. Lots of photos capturing the American low rent minority in his/her native habitat, but no minority voices evident in the actual writing.

I won't even get into the other disturbing fog cloud wafting up, like bad taco & beer farts, from the nether regions of the eco-Care Bear movement This would be their tendency to commandeer indigenous knowledge for their own selfish ends. Let's ask Maria Sabina
to give her thoughts on the Western co-opting of her culture.

"From the moment the foreigners arrived, the 'holy children' lost their purity. They lost their force, they ruined them. Henceforth they will no longer work. There is no remedy for it"

But hey, she got to meet Dylan & Lennon & Jagger & Richards. Loss of one's own culture is, I think, a small price to pay for even a tiny smidge of western celebrity cult-ure, don't ya think?

I will say that it is amazing how all of these anti-capitalist eco-Care Bears have little problem with capitalism as long as the money flows towards them.

Finally, we have John Seed, author of Thinking Like A Mountain: Towards A Council Of All Being. Wow! "Thinking like a mountain?" I suppose this sounds difficult doesn't it? For me, it works best when I imagine that I'm playing a game of 'rock, paper, scissors.' Just without the paper & scissors part.

John created a series of eco-role playing games called the Council Of All Beings.
We'll let John seed our discussion with his wisdom.

"The Council of All Beings is a series of re-Earthing rituals created by myself and Joanna Macy to help end the sense of alienation from the living Earth that most of us feel, and to connect us with new sources of joy, commitment and inspiration that follow from union with Gaia."

"In the Council of All Beings we weave together three important themes:
After preliminaries to introduce ourselves to each other and build up trust, we begin with a MOURNING ritual. It is only to the extent that we will allow ourselves to feel the pain of the Earth, that we can be effective in Her healing. As Joanna Macy points out "Deep ecology remains a concept without the power to transform our awareness, unless we allow ourselves to feel - which means feeling the pain within us over what is happening to our world. The workshop serves as a safe place where this pain can be acknowledged, plumbed, released. Often it arises as a deep sense of loss over what is slipping away - ancient forests and clean rivers, birdsong and breathable air. It is appropriate then to mourn - for once at least, to speak our sorrow and, when appropriate, to say goodbye to what is disappearing from our lives. As participants let this happen, in the whole group or in small clusters, there is hopelessness expressed. There is also something more: a rage welling up and a passionate caring.

The energy previously locked up in the denial of these feelings is released and becomes available to us. The sense of numbness and paralysis evaporates and we prepare for action.

Then we move on to exercises which assist the REMEMBERING of our rootedness in nature. For instance in the evolutionary remembering, we use guided visualisation and movement/dance to recapitulate our entire evolutionary journey and release the memories locked in our DNA. We invite the experience that every cell in our body is descended in an unbroken chain from the first cell that appeared on the Earth 4 billion years ago, through fish that learned to walk the land, reptiles who's scales turned to fur and became mammals, evolving through to the present.

We further extend our sense of identity in the Council of All Beings itself where, after finding an ally in the natural world and making a mask to represent that ally, we discover that we can indeed give voice to the voiceless ones. In Council, we lend our voices to the animals and plants and features of the landscape and are shocked at the very different view of the world that emerges from their dialogue. Creative suggestions for human actions emerge and we invoke the powers and knowledge of these other life-forms to empower us in our lives.

The Council also provides tools for practicing our deep ecology in our daily lives. As many participants in this work have discovered, alignment with our larger identity clarifies, dignifies and heals our personal conflicts. We see that the pain of the Earth is our own pain and the fate of the Earth is our own fate. The Council of All Beings empowers us to act on behalf of the Earth and gives us clarity and direction for this work.In the same fashion it clarifies and orders our patterns of consumption, our needs for intimacy and support, our priorities for action."

Wow, I feel healed already.

Although, in my experience, bullshit like this plays out very differently when it's away from the printed page.
Let's see how one participant describes his joyous journey to THE COUNCIL OF ALL BEING:

The preaching was undeniably scary, but the Council itself didn't really work for me. It consisted of play-pretend ritual exercises that were supposed to make us "see" reality from the perspective of animals & plants, but in fact it generated more cringing than tremors. We got going early on Saturday morning, with a loosening up exercise called "Eco-Milling," which involved wandering around in circles and stopping occasionally to hug a stranger, staring into his or her eyes and saying, "I love this person! This person is a valued member of the biotic community!" In the afternoon we nestled in for part one of our "despair work," in which each of us, speaking "as humans," talked about our planetary grief in long, foamy lipped confessionals.


The Council officially opened with everyone's statement of creature identity. Caged Dove, the hipster gent, skittered down his own unique and eloquent path. "I cost $19.95 at the pet store. I cringe. I poop. I realize this is my life. I'm a bird in a cage. I'm the dove." Elephant, predictably, had spent a long time fashioning her mask: a mammoth construction project featuring a long trunk made of tightly twisted newspapers. But on this day she was upstaged by the quiet dignity of Pond, who, after listening to Elephant's long, tearful bugling of despair, turned up her tiny cardboard face and whispered "Lick me-e-e Elephant."

The rhetoric boiled over soon enough, with entities like Baboon, Lizard, and Road Kill giving it everything they had. (Especially Road Kill who wailed: "Three hundred fucking million of us a year! Deer, moose, birds, countless insects who are killed every day by the two-leggeds who have no fur, feathers, or wings and who drive their cars over us!") Then, after, a half hour of shtick, fury, and keening, Seed gave us the cue for final healing to begin.

Amazing. Seed created a forum where whiny liberals could whine to their heart's content, and then he charged them an entrance fee.

Gee, that sounds like capitalism to me. Well, the con man side of capitalism where I pay real money for an illusion draped in marketing. Coincidentally, this seems to be the only form of capitalism that has survived into the 21st century.

While I could literally go on & on with these hilarious eco-Care Bear delusions, I've already typed far too long. I suspect most of you stopped reading long ago.

Which is cool. If I were a fuzzy wuzzy eco-Care Bear, I wouldn't want to read this shit either.

I suppose what really burns my bonnet is that this wonderful liberal Mommy love movement seems to require something I've lacked my entire life, copious amounts of money.
Luckily I don't really give a tinker's tit.
My feelings about collapse survival surprisingly mirror my feelings about Heaven. Whenever a long winded, yet inspired Christian, attempts to shackle me with concern about my immortal soul, I always say the same thing:

"Gosh a'mighty, do you think you're Heaven bound?"

They invariable sputter something like

"I don't know, but I sure hope so. (chuckle, chuckle) Why?"

I reply, "Because, if you're going to be there, I don't want to go."

My feelings on post collapse survival with eco-Care Bears is exactly the same.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Oh, & don't take this as a dismissal of the huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge fucking pile of shit that is most assuredly heading toward our collective fan...
I see it too.

I just haven't figured out a way to commodify that knowledge.

Oh well, another personal failing to add to the list....


March 8, 2011:

Treasury prices declined Tuesday, pushing yields up slightly, as investors grew more comfortable moving away from the relative safety of U.S. bonds and into stocks.

U.S. bonds had been higher in earlier trading amid concerns about European sovereign debt and lingering turmoil in Libya and the Mideast. Reports surfaced that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi may be negotiating an exit.

Traders said the reception to the government’s sale of 3-year notes was very average, offering little to drive the market for the day. They also continued to position for two more auctions of longer-dated debt this week.

March 15, 2011:

Investors sought the relative safety of U.S. Treasurys, sending prices higher and yields lower. The yield on the 10-year Treasury note dropped to 3.23 percent from 3.36 percent late Monday.

Well, that's one way to reignite interest in a failing brand, eh?
More "through my tears I see opportunity" I suppose...

Then again?

(Insert funereal HAARP music of your choice)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Here's A Tiny Bit Of Human Fuckness For Y'all

Since I've been re-assigned to babysit a client who has yet to be released from the psych ward, I am pretty much a third wheel there. Consequently, they move me around from building to building to fill staffing shortages.
On Saturday night, that lucky building's manager received a call from one of the client's mothers. She wanted the facility to retrieve her son and return him to the facility because she was unable to do it.
The manager agreed to come and quickly nominated me as designated driver.

It turned out that my destination was a precinct house.

Mom was in jail. That was why she couldn't bring him back.

One of the officers explained that B's mother was evidently blowing a man for drug money or drugs with B in the room watching just as the cops conducted a raid of that particular drug dealer.

Now, imagine that. This kid's mom was blowing a guy while her retarded son watched.

& they wonder why this kid continually fixates sexually on certain female staff.

B. looks like the Christmas Story kid only 20 pounds skinnier & sporting a crew cut.

He ambulates by dragging his legs behind him as he pulls himself along the floor.

He speaks relatively coherently, so all night he kept saying "she was blowing him & they arrested her. I hate them."
Then he'd bawl a bit & the tape loop would return to the beginning & start all over again.

Like a funeral dirge.

Friday, March 4, 2011

"Hope & Change" For Idiots

Let's see, there are roughly 98,000 U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan.

And civilian military contractors number somewhere above 200,000.

Let's see what President Marketing has to say:

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Our overarching goal remains the same; to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat al-Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan and to prevent its capacity to threaten America and our allies in the future.

Now let's see what someone from the military has to say. I nominate General James Jones:

JONES: The good news that Americans should feel at least good about in Afghanistan is that the al-Qaeda presence is very diminished. The maximum estimate is less than 100 operating in the country. No bases. No ability to launch attacks on either us or our allies.

Alrighty then, over 300,000 people waging war against 100 "terrorists."

Gee, that can't be right, can it?
Is our trillion dollar military really that fucking pathetic?

Or is there another reason for our continuing presence in Afghanistan?

I know what you're thinking...oil & empire & profits, profits & more profits.

Corporate military contractors sucking the public teat dry, more concerned about their own bottom line than about ending the war....

Football fields filled with the opium that fills 92% of the world's demand while also filling the pockets of our elite masters...


But I respectfully beg to differ.

After careful & judicious use of my penile dowsing truth wand, I think I've discovered the real reason we're in Afghanistan. It is so simple & so gosh darn American I feel that it's been overlooked.

That reason, my friends, is simple urban renewal.

If you don't believe me, just look below. First, we have an Afghan village before the U.S. military's arrival:

& here, we have the same village after the military has had it's way with her:

I'd also toss in our sudden interest in all things green & ecology friendly, since the pre-military photo shows a messy conglomeration of lumpy unattractive dwellings, while the second photo shows the same mess reduced back to good old ecologically friendly dirt.

If you doubt this, just witness the "greening" of Detroit:

Y'see? The new Detroit is much, much greener.

So, the next time you find yourself being sucked into the orbit of anti-war eco-Care Bears who have nothing better to do than whine incessantly, please point out exactly how "the liberal agenda" finds it's friendliest bedfellows in the U.S. power elite.


I'm touched beyond words.

Finally, I'm receiving the recognition I sorely crave. My efforts to raise the standards of blooging & bloogers everywhere has finally borne fruit.
I received this email a few weeks ago & I've been meaning to share but, quite frankly, I've been quite emotional over this. It's warmed the frigid cockles of my heart.

This is Shiela from permanenthairremover.co.uk.
We stumbled on your blog while searching for Permanent Hair Remover related information. We operate the largest Permanent Hair Remover website featuring more than 30,000 blogs. Our site averages 200,000 uniques visitors per month. Based on your blog's popularity and other factors, we have featured your blog at http://permanenthairremover.co.uk/blog_awards/index.php?id=49657

As you can see, I've not only attained "popularity," something I've craved since the day I told my entire grade school class "You all stink & your mommas stink too," but I've also managed to reach the Mecca of bloogerdom, having one's bloog turn up in a search for "Permanent Hair Remover related information."

I...I think I have an erection. I think I really should just stop reading it. It makes me want to
weep in uncontrollable gratitude or have sex with myself.
(No doubt this is the algorithmic algorithm linking hair removal to purple veined Dicks sprinkled liberally throughout bloogerdom, since everyone knows that stroking one's own erection invariably leads to hairy palms. Hairy palms being the number one factor that uncloaks the furtive & secretive self polluter, thereby creating a leading candidate for "hair removal.")

If only Ma & Pa were here to share my joy.

I know they'd be soooooooooooooooo fucking proud.

I remember Pa's last words to me, there in the hospital, as I embarked on my career as a tard wrangler.

Pa said, "You're gonna wipe ass? Retard ass? What are you, simple? C'mere boy, I've got something hard for that thick fucking head of yours. That's it...a little clo...cough...sputter...gasp..."

Pa died that day, knowing, in his heart of hearts, that retards need toilet paper just like real people do.
& he died knowing that his son, the apple of his eye, had decided to spend the best part of his future with his hand up someone else's backside.

Gosh. I really don't see how I can top this...I fear I've scaled the pinnacled heights of internet fame & glory & blown my last load upon her craggly visage...

Nowhere left to go but down I suppose.........