Friday, March 4, 2011

"Hope & Change" For Idiots

Let's see, there are roughly 98,000 U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan.

And civilian military contractors number somewhere above 200,000.

Let's see what President Marketing has to say:

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Our overarching goal remains the same; to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat al-Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan and to prevent its capacity to threaten America and our allies in the future.

Now let's see what someone from the military has to say. I nominate General James Jones:

JONES: The good news that Americans should feel at least good about in Afghanistan is that the al-Qaeda presence is very diminished. The maximum estimate is less than 100 operating in the country. No bases. No ability to launch attacks on either us or our allies.

Alrighty then, over 300,000 people waging war against 100 "terrorists."

Gee, that can't be right, can it?
Is our trillion dollar military really that fucking pathetic?

Or is there another reason for our continuing presence in Afghanistan?

I know what you're thinking...oil & empire & profits, profits & more profits.

Corporate military contractors sucking the public teat dry, more concerned about their own bottom line than about ending the war....

Football fields filled with the opium that fills 92% of the world's demand while also filling the pockets of our elite masters...


But I respectfully beg to differ.

After careful & judicious use of my penile dowsing truth wand, I think I've discovered the real reason we're in Afghanistan. It is so simple & so gosh darn American I feel that it's been overlooked.

That reason, my friends, is simple urban renewal.

If you don't believe me, just look below. First, we have an Afghan village before the U.S. military's arrival:

& here, we have the same village after the military has had it's way with her:

I'd also toss in our sudden interest in all things green & ecology friendly, since the pre-military photo shows a messy conglomeration of lumpy unattractive dwellings, while the second photo shows the same mess reduced back to good old ecologically friendly dirt.

If you doubt this, just witness the "greening" of Detroit:

Y'see? The new Detroit is much, much greener.

So, the next time you find yourself being sucked into the orbit of anti-war eco-Care Bears who have nothing better to do than whine incessantly, please point out exactly how "the liberal agenda" finds it's friendliest bedfellows in the U.S. power elite.


I'm touched beyond words.

Finally, I'm receiving the recognition I sorely crave. My efforts to raise the standards of blooging & bloogers everywhere has finally borne fruit.
I received this email a few weeks ago & I've been meaning to share but, quite frankly, I've been quite emotional over this. It's warmed the frigid cockles of my heart.

This is Shiela from
We stumbled on your blog while searching for Permanent Hair Remover related information. We operate the largest Permanent Hair Remover website featuring more than 30,000 blogs. Our site averages 200,000 uniques visitors per month. Based on your blog's popularity and other factors, we have featured your blog at

As you can see, I've not only attained "popularity," something I've craved since the day I told my entire grade school class "You all stink & your mommas stink too," but I've also managed to reach the Mecca of bloogerdom, having one's bloog turn up in a search for "Permanent Hair Remover related information."

I...I think I have an erection. I think I really should just stop reading it. It makes me want to
weep in uncontrollable gratitude or have sex with myself.
(No doubt this is the algorithmic algorithm linking hair removal to purple veined Dicks sprinkled liberally throughout bloogerdom, since everyone knows that stroking one's own erection invariably leads to hairy palms. Hairy palms being the number one factor that uncloaks the furtive & secretive self polluter, thereby creating a leading candidate for "hair removal.")

If only Ma & Pa were here to share my joy.

I know they'd be soooooooooooooooo fucking proud.

I remember Pa's last words to me, there in the hospital, as I embarked on my career as a tard wrangler.

Pa said, "You're gonna wipe ass? Retard ass? What are you, simple? C'mere boy, I've got something hard for that thick fucking head of yours. That's it...a little clo...cough...sputter...gasp..."

Pa died that day, knowing, in his heart of hearts, that retards need toilet paper just like real people do.
& he died knowing that his son, the apple of his eye, had decided to spend the best part of his future with his hand up someone else's backside.

Gosh. I really don't see how I can top this...I fear I've scaled the pinnacled heights of internet fame & glory & blown my last load upon her craggly visage...

Nowhere left to go but down I suppose.........


ericswan said...

I'm cut to the quick Dick. You have been one of my links since you launched this little peccadilo but nary a hairy mention. Thanks for nothin'.

Morocco Bama said...

But, but, but.........don't you care about Bradley Manning?

You can sign on to this Video Valentine for him......I know I'll see your name up there in short order.

Morocco Bama said...

Oops, here's the pink link.

ericswan said...

Shrub..Is it really you?

Here's one for your collection..enjoy

just_another_dick said...

Sorry Eric, but permanent hair removal is permanent hair removal.

You know as well as I do that it is the heart & soul of the internet.

& Shrub, thanks for almost making me lose my dinner with that video. I'm getting the impression that the reality portrayed in Manning's video is completely escaping those dipshits.

By calling it "a war crime" they act as if that video were some brutal exception that needs to be "covered up."

John Stieber, who was in Bravo Company 2-16 Infantry, which was involved in that Apache helicopter attack, said:

"This (the Apache attack) was not by any means the exception."

In other words, this was business as usual.

He went on to say:

"Now that this video has become public, it is our responsibility as a people and a country to recognize that this is what war looks like on a day-to-day basis."

Yet, listen to Medea Benjamin here,

where she is so amazingly clueless, she postulates that if this video would have been leaked sooner "we could have stopped the worst abuses of the Iraqi War."

What, exactly, is this broads definition of "abuse?"

Modern industrial warfare is a fucking war crime from beginning to end. Maybe it has escaped pink clad Medea that the initial bombing campaign that opened the war turned entire neighborhoods of people into hamburger.

People who didn't do fuck all to us.


I doubt Medea & crew, despite all their cackling & moral indignation, have the balls to label all the heroic soldier boys & girls that they fall all over themselves to "support" as "war criminals."

Much easier to believe the video itself is all that needs "covering up."
Then, when they feel it is suitably "exposed," they can go back to believing in their imaginary "noble warriors" sham, thereby ensuring that the next war will come off without a hitch.

Personally Shrub, & I think you would agree, I think an adult conversation is completely fucking impossible in this cuntry.
These are complex issues that the typical American simpleton is ill equipped to discuss.
Much easier, like my new Jesus lovin' co-worker, to ponder the machinations of Charlie Sheen's personal life.
When I told him I had no interest in American celebrity cult-ure he looked completely wounded, & when I explained that I didn't really watch TV because I thought it was the prime contributor to the stupifying of America, he still had to press on with Charlie gossip.

Make no mistake Shrub, podunk America is a carp with a giant hook in its mouth. But, unlike the carp who struggles to escape, they love their fucking hook.
The last thing in the world they want is reality.

Morocco Bama said...

Exactly my sentiments, Richard. That's why I posted it....cuz I knew you had to be thinking along the same lines.