Monday, April 11, 2011

Prophecies R Us

Obama's debt cutting plan: Everything on the table

After gingerly avoiding any discussion until now of cuts in the government's massive benefit programs for the elderly and poor, Obama will acknowledge a need to reduce spending on Medicare and Medicaid while at the same time tackling defense spending and calling for increased taxes on the wealthy, White House officials said.

Obama is expected to concede a need for overhauling Medicare and Medicaid and to even make adjustments to Social Security, always considered politically risky territory. But he will distinguish his plan from the Republican budget, which would shrink Medicare by shifting the program to private insurers and send block grants to states to pay for Medicaid, the health care program for the poor.

I'm going to polish off my crystal ball & try my hand at a bit of prophecy.

Let me concentrate a minute...

Okay, an image is coming through...

I see Medicare & Medicaid & SSI cuts sliding out of our patriotic bunghole like shit through an Astroglide lubed asshole while defense cuts & increased taxes on the wealthy will form a chalky white, tar-like impaction in the national colon, stubbornly resisting all of Obuma's faux liberal enema therapies & laxative overdoses.

Grannies & grandpas will descend, en masse, on their local grocery's dog food aisle, while hundreds of millions of dollars of spiffy new weaponry will descend on the neighborhoods of anyone unlucky enough to be born anywhere but America.

Geraldo will smile.

Paul Bremer will fondle his own nipples & giggle.

The constipated grimace will finally fade from John Stossel's face.

While John Hagee will enthusiastically masturbate until his piggly wiggly willy bleeds clarified butter.

All will be right in America.

After a time, all seniors will be marginalized as "unnecessary eaters" & burdens. Their cloying neediness will be seen as a huge stumbling block on the road to progress & innovation.
At this point, reality shows will exclusively showcase malnourished and desperate seniors who will be willing to do anything for 3 Bob Evans sausage links and an English muffin.

The crowd will go wild.

Upscale Wall Street executives will hire starving seniors for pennies, employing them to play "Dodge The Mercedes" all along the executive's route to work.
Ultimately this will provide the biggest source for senior employment since seniors are notoriously slow while Mercedes are quite fast & lethal.

To assuage any feelings of guilt that may surface amongst the pre-senior population, special Granddad & Granny apps will be developed by Apple for their IPhone 46 model.

Once all the seniors have been eliminated, elite attention will then focus on the scads of malnourished children who will prove to have a much longer shelf life with a modicum of maintenance.The more attractive children will find themselves the target of a hit & run of an entirely different nature. They will soon envy their Mercedes mutilated brethren.

The haves will finally have it all.

As they should.

The have nots will finally eat their own shit.

As they should.

While behind the scenes, the Wizard of Gahenna will pull off His thorny halo & replace it with a crown of dollar signs. A young Dorothy surrogate will be hauled in & forced to fellate Toto while the Cowardly Lion is forced, at gunpoint, to sodomize her. He will weep through the entire act.

As will Dorothy.

As will we all.



Morocco Bama said...

Perfect. Classic, Vintage, Old School Richard. Kind of like this commercial since we're ragging:

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

This message is bowel-free and FDA approved.

I'm at a loss about the video, Mr. Bama.

Yes, don't forget the wackos and lunatics on the prowl on the streets too. We can rest assured that Lee Harvey Oswald killed President John F. Kennedy and don't forget Timothy McVeigh. And since most of us are afraid to make eye contact standing in line at the Wal-Marts, we will continue to ignore each other on the streets until everybody is hooked up on the Internet and having real communication. We'll be mostly staring at our video monitors because the people inside are our true friends. Friends that we can trust. Not outside of TV and Internetland. Outside is Death Race 2000 and stuff...

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

I have a youtube video that is relevant. I'm not sure that you are going to like it Mr. Bama, but maybe you will.

just_another_dick said...

Mr. B., does that make this post a mental menstrual cramp?

If so, I think my cycle is running faster than monthly these days.

Then again, maybe I'm trapped in an endless pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder.

It would explain so much.

Maybe you could slip me some virtual Midol.

Mr. H., never fear, the Intergob, and its legion of techno geeks, have myriad web pages that wax orgasmic over the coming Techno-Rapture known as "The Singularity."

This occurs when we all upload into the global Brainiac & live happily ever after in the noosphere of our dreams.

Unlike the Christian Rapture which only promises to beam up a select group, the Singularity will democratically inhale everyone.

Of course, we'd all have to die first, but that, I think, is a minor quibble.

At least there isn't a perpeptually irate Daddy with a razor strop in the noosphere.

Luckily, there will be lots & lots of porn though.

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

I reflect about a time more than a decade ago, as a connoisseur of the brown bottle, on how I reasoned on the possibility of the use of rubber dolls by the grown males of the species that surrounded me in the drinkeries. 50+ males were suspect Swedish doll handlers while the 60+ males were usually potential homosexuals. I'm getting close to the 50 year old age bracket and maybe some karma coming my way.

No offence Dick, but John Hagee, Joyce Meyers, Jack Van Impe, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Billy Graham, etc... may have steaming red hot asses on with the possible return of the One. As well as most of the billions of Judeo-Christians in the world. All parodies aside, this would make the average bear a believer.

I'm not clear on your message of dieing first to achieve Singularity. Is this the future possibility of being just a brain without a body that lives unhampered on for centuries? Yeah, I do foresee a future of techno geeks hooked into the noosphere enjoying the comforts of living a limited 4-walled lifestyle. But you probably know more than I about the advances of teledildonics. Staying indoors will get you laid, but hanging around oily shit-faced men at a drinking establishment will get you labelled a useless dud by women who want a piece of ass.

Anonymous said...

humblenotry said...

Real Touch

ericswan said...

The cull is cool.
The catcher is in the rye.
Take me to your leader.

ericswan said...

Sometime in 2012 an army of anchor babies will arrive in their minions of millions. They will be characteristically different. Some of them will be indigo but most of them "irridescent". There carapace gives them that special look and the lack of genetalia will not sloe them down. What did I just say? Prepare for the mutants folks and if you have one of your own, prepare to be victimized.

Morocco Bama said...

Oh my!!

Post RI live chat with Daniel Hopsicker
Coming soon!

No, really. Date and time to be confirmed, but likely within a week or two. It'll be hosted off-site, details to follow.

Also, he has a tech question he's asked me to forward in hope of an RIer knowing the answer:

Daniel Hopsicker wrote:
I'm trying to integrate my wordpress blog into my site, where I still use microsoft frontpage2002 (like the last kid on the block playing pong on an atari.) That way I can post more regularly, allow for feedback, and not have to change all links and extensions to my archive of stories. But I can’t figure out how to do it. Any advise is appreciated!

I'll forward him the link to this thread so he can read replies. :wave:

Anonymous said...

i can't wait for the rigint live chat with hopsicker. i'm a huge fan of his. that keller chick is a babe. i wonder if he banged her after the interview, or maybe before?

just_another_dick said...

Mr. B., I believe The Hopsicker is a Facebook friend of The Wells.
Given the nature of this giant social network that passes itself off as an information tool, I've no doubt that there's probably interspecies Tweeting occurring also.

Not sure if I actually care to watch when the Forum Furries genuflect and fellate one of their tainted heroes.
I'd be willing to bet that someone will wax rhapsodic about Hopsicker's "courage" for "speaking truth to power."
Just thinking about it makes me queasy.

It's just my reading of "the singularity" Mr H. This one involves the uploading or absorption of everyone's consciousness into a global brain. Since I don't see how one's meat sack could keep functioning with nobody home, I'm assuming physical death as a side effect.

There are others involving things like self replicating robot armies or increasingly complex nano technology that covers the world and us in intelligent goo but they don't sound very conducive to life as we know it either.

I think the four walled lifestyle has been here for a while now. Hell, given that Nielsen said that, in 2009, Americans logged the highest TV watching time in Nielsen's history, and given the obscene amount of time people spend swirling around the InterJohn, there appears to be precious little time left for the outside world once one factors in eating sleeping shitting working & shaving.