Friday, November 12, 2010

A Job Done Well Is A Job Well Done

Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Wanted: a few good men to cast out devils.

Overwhelmed with requests for exorcists, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops are holding a special training workshop in Baltimore this weekend to teach clerics the esoteric rite, the Catholic News Service reported.

The church has signed up 56 bishops and 66 priests for the two-day workshop that began on Friday, seeking to boost the small group of just five or six American exorcists that the church currently has on its books.

"There's this small group of priests who say they get requests from all over the continental U.S.," Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Springfield, Illinois, was quoted as saying.

"Actually, each diocese should have its own" exorcist, he added.

Paprocki did not say why there was increased demand for exorcisms, which he noted were rarely performed.

While solemnly regarded by the Catholic Church, exorcism is a staple of Hollywood fright films -- most notably the 1973 film "The Exorcist" -- and regarded by many as superstition that lends a chill frisson to festivals like Halloween.

Catholic Church law stipulates that only properly trained priests can perform the rite -- and then only with the permission of their bishops.

Possible signs of demonic possession include scratching, cutting, biting of the skin; profound displays of strength; and a strong or violent reaction to holy water.

(Writing by Tim Gaynor, Editing by Jonathan Oatis)

Wow. I'm amazed Little Timmy & Little Johnny signed this piece of shit that's passing itself off as "journalism."
What, exactly, is the point?
The article doesn't contain anything remotely resembling information. A couple of lame cliches, and a couple of lame brained jokes, and that's it.
They actually pay people for this shit?
Utterly amazing.

Then I read the some of the comments and my amazement lost its sheen.

Catholic priests overwhelmed with requests for exorcists: All exorcism requests are to be performed on Barrack Obama.
Sad but true and badly needed!

Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"!

Wake up people.
Catholic Church law stipulates that only properly trained priests can perform the rite -- and then only with the permission of their bishops.
Possible signs of demonic possession include scratching, cutting, biting of the skin; profound displays of strength; and a strong or violent reaction to holy water.
There is no place in the BIBLE that says the devil dislikes such think a holy water
Yes great
Jesus gave all believers authority over demons and He cast them out with a single command. All believers with faith can do the same with the same result without all the hocus pocus.
Hell and Purgatory do exist!... oppps no they don’t know such thing as Purgatorm and hell is not formed yet….
Love it
Satan does not go after those he already has." - Scott Davidson
Guess the Prots are safe.

All the exorcists are booked for the next year trying to treat Nancy Pelosi. No progress to date, sadly.

Most people would never Ever Ever worship Satan!!!

Learn from this, dear Christian, what you are doing if you permit the blind Jews to mislead you. Then the saying will truly apply, "When a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into the pit" [cf. Luke 6:39]. You cannot learn anything from them except how to misunderstand the divine commandments...------Martin Luther, Father of Protestant Christianity.
Moreover, they (the Jews) are nothing but thieves and robbers who daily eat no morsel and wear no thread of clothing which they have not stolen and pilfered from us by means of their accursed usury. Thus they live from day to day, together with wife and child, by theft and robbery, as arch-thieves and robbers, in the most impenitent security.--------Martin Luther

Did I not tell you earlier that a Jew is such a noble, precious jewel that God and all the angels dance when he farts?---Martin Luther, The Father of Protestant Christianity (Germany – yr. 1518)

“Jesus did not call them Abraham’s children, but a “brood of vipers” [Matt. 3:7]. Oh, that was too insulting for the noble blood and race of Israel, and they declared, “He has a demon’ [Matt 11:18]. furthermore in John 8 [:39,44] he states: “If you were Abraham’s children ye would do what Abraham did…. You are of your father the DEVIL. It was intolerable to them to hear that they were not Abraham’s but the devil’s children, nor can they bear to hear this today.”—— Martin Luther, The Father of Protestant Christianity
“Know, 0 adored Christ, and make no mistake, that aside from the Devil, you have no enemy more venomous, more desperate, more bitter, than a true Jew who truly seeks to be a Jew… a Jew, a Jewish heart, are hard as wood, as stone, as iron, as the Devil himself. In short, they are children of the Devil, condemned to the flames of hell.” – Martin Luther, the father of Protestant Christianity.

Now I see. These guys just have a complete understanding of their target market which happens to be complete idiots.


It's little things like these that make the destruction of humanity look almost appealing.


ericswan said...

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."

Charles Dickens

Morocco Bama said...

The Onion can't compete with reality. Reality's much more humorous.....and original.

Morocco Bama said...

Morocco Bama said...

Hmmmm.....I firmly believe there were at least two Oswalds on the evidence I have reviewed, and it appears there may have been two Barrys. The CIA likes multiple copies.

So, we have Barry the chubby kid who runs a duck, and we have Barry the tall kid, who is good at sports and can run like the wind. Quite a disparity, and a miraculous transformation, if the official story is to be believed.

Morocco Bama said...

And now, for another bit of ironic satire from the fine folks at Yahoo. The Onion might as well hang it up.

DETROIT (AP) -- Among the banks helping General Motors with its initial public stock offering next week are two identified by initials only: ICBC and CICC.

Americans uncomfortable with U.S. government ownership of General Motors may want to hear more: One of those banks is the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, one of China's four big central government banks. The other, China International Capital Corp., is a joint venture run primarily by Central Huijin Investment Ltd., an arm of the state, and Morgan Stanley.

This is the first time Chinese government banks have participated in a major U.S.-issued IPO, according to IPO tracking firm Dealogic. The banks are listed as co-managers in the offering, meaning they will sell a portion of the new shares.

Contrast this news with the allegations that it may have been China who launched an ICBM Missile off the Coast of California from one of its new subs our over-rated, ridiculously expensive and apparently incompetent military didn't even know existed.

"What is good for GM is good for America." And, so, there we have it. All that money wasted on the Cold War, and we lost it in the end......maybe because it never was a war....just another foil.

just_another_dick said...

Shrub, didn't Marx insist that the capitalists will sell the tools for their own destruction?

Short term gain = long term suicide.

Or something like that.

Maybe if Americana would have bothered reading Marx during all those years they were told to fear Marx, they might have seen it coming.

As it is, Too bad for your bad luck buddy.

Morocco Bama said...

Things are looking up. People are consuming again. Don't worry. Be happy. If you're not, seek an Exorcist.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Stocks rose in early trading Monday following a big acquisition by Caterpillar Inc. and news that retail sales jumped to the highest level in seven months in October.

Consumer spending rose 1.2 percent last month thanks to higher demand for automobiles, the Commerce Department reported. The gain was nearly double what analysts were expecting.

In other news, the Chinese Banks funding the GM IPO are insisting that GM name a new Buick model the Melamine after the versatile industrial chemical compound of which they are so fond.

just_another_dick said...

"In other news, the Chinese Banks funding the GM IPO are insisting that GM name a new Buick model the Melamine after the versatile industrial chemical compound of which they are so fond."

Thanks Shrub. After a weekend working with my new boss who is, to put it mildly, another pudgy lump of American chair filler, I needed a laugh.
I can't help wondering if there's a giant Petri dish somewhere growing these things like bacteria since they're fucking everywhere.

Morocco Bama said...

We went to Wal-Mart yesterday to buy toilet paper and paper towels. I think that's the petri dish of which you speak. It was like attending a carnival. There they were, all on display in their full glory. There we were, running the gauntlet of freakdom for a few dollars off on paper products....desperate times call for desperate measures. The things one will do for a few bucks off on the spiraling price of the basics.

Oscar Mayer bacon at the local Publix Supermarket is now $6.69/lb. Needless to say, we don't buy Oscar Mayer.

just_another_dick said...

Coincidentally, I was in Wal-Mart at 1 a.m. this morning because my oldest son decided to tell me at 12:30 that he was out of contact lens fluid. Not too much open at 12:30 on a Sunday so I had to go.
Do you believe that they had a senior citizen greeter standing there even though the store was completely empty?
That must be a fun job.

I've come to the conclusion that the end wouldn't be so bad if it was the collective end of everyone, not just the po' folk.

Maybe we could have the Sun slip into nova stage.

I'm convinced life as a shadow on a wall is preferable to the myriad number of little deaths we're stuck living through on a day to day basis.

I've also come to the conclusion that "misanthrope" is much too mild a word for what I've been feeling lately.