K-Y Delivery System Fails-Shockwaves Reverberate Through Collective U.S. Sphincter

* US debt deal alone won't sustain AAA rating
* Moody's backs US triple-A rating; outlook negative
* Stocks now down for year as economic concerns grow
* Stocks on long losing streak as economy weakens
* Debt is a done deal, but peace truce already fades
* Americans cut spending for first time in 20 months
* US auto industry uneasy after weak July sales
* Fitch: US debt deal alone won't sustain AAA rating
* Europe wary of creation of 'mega exchange'

YAHOO CENTRAL, INTERNUT, ARIZONA: Congress & her promise to "be gentle with us" has gone awry. Hundreds of thousands of cases of Astroglide & K-Y Lubricant never reached the average American, diverting instead towards an Orphanage in Tuscaloosa, where ex-president G.W. Junior, fallen horrifically off the wagon into a debauched spree of pedolphilia fueled excess, is holed up in a cabin not far from Interstate 359.

Our sources tell us that the hijacking of the Lubricant was carried out at the behest of former V.P., Dick "The Vaginal Simulacrum" Cheney, who still holds a grudge for G.W.'s failure to pardon Scooter Libby. Cheney, seeking nothing less than the complete destruction of the former President's stellar reputation, reportedly has 2,000 digital cameras placed strategically around the Bush Trailer Park/Armed Bunker.

Furthermore, our sources tell us that Cheney has struck a deal with the "Strange Addictions" TV show to broadcast this footage during national Sweeps Week.
Ratings are expected to spike as jaded Americans, emotionally dead from repeated economic rapings, will amass in droves hoping to feel something, even if it is just compete disgust.