Only 17 shopping days till the world's end.
Or a smidge over 15 months if you're a Mayan or a web bot.
I tried to be a web bot once but they weren't hiring.
In the last week, this area of the country saw the world end for these folk:
* AKERS, DONALD EDWARD
* BAIR Jr., JOHN A.
* BRENNAN, JOHN E. "JACK"
* BRUNO, PAULINE
* CERASO, THOMAS WILLIAM
* CRAIG, VIRGINIA (LAMER)
* CROAK, WILDA (BINGHAM)
* DELSIGNORE, ROSE E.
* FELD, CARMELLA
* GROSS, JANE E. (SYPUD)
* HARBAUGH, DARLAN "SIS"
* HARBULA, ROSANN PODOMIK "COOKIE"
* HAWKINS, BETTY LOIS
* HORVATH, JULIUS MARK
* JAZUDEK, CARMELLA R.
* KLUG, HERBERT F.
* KOSKA, MARIE
* KUTZMARK, GEORGE F.
* LANG, DANIEL P. "DAN"
* McCONNELL, WILLIAM E.
* MICHALSKI, DOROTHY M. (KOLTUNIAK)
* NEIDIG, HELEN EILEEN
* PALKA, JOAN M. (DACEY)
* PIROZZI, JESSICA L.
* REISER, PATRICIA A. (O'TOOLE)
* RENSHAW, JAMES FLEMING
* RIEDER, ELMER
* ROSEMAN, MICHAEL P.
* SATTERFIELD, ROBERT G.
* SKERTICH, S. MARY (LAWLEY)
* SPIX, CHARLES T.
* STACK, THOMAS EDWARD
* STANKO, ELIZABETH PAULINE
* STEVENSON, JAMES B.
* SZOCS IV, AN M.
* VENTURO Jr., JOHN J.
* WALL, GLORIA R. (McAFEE)
* WENZEL, VIRGINIA
* WINIARSKI, MICHAEL
* WOLF, JOAN V. "MOTHER WOLF" (KREPP)
Doesn't matter much though, does it? The world rolls on, completely impervious to large numbers of dead meat puppets. Oh, I know, we're all important & wonderful, with bright shiny souls filled with chewy goodness. Yet, we all seem so amazingly expendable. Maybe we need to "think outside the box" a bit more or maybe we should just "take it to the next level" so we're more "empowered." Maybe we should "speak out" a bit louder with an extra special emphasis placed on "speaking truth to power."
I suppose it will all start improving once the "social networkers" extend the network to everyone so that its banality won't seem so banal because we're all trapped, Tron-like, inside that banality.
Truthfully, out-moded thoughts like "Apocalypse" & "Judgement Day" seem like comforting fantasies when placed next to idea that this human shit stew could go on stewing for centuries.
Just to make myself happy, I'm going to play make believe. For just this instant I'm going to make believe Camping is right or the Mayans and web-bots are right.
2011 or 2012? Gosh, I just can't choose. I think I'll ask AI.
User: Howdy Hortence.
Cleverbot: Hey howdy hey.
User: Let's cut to the chase Hortence, will the world end on October 12, 2011 or December 21st, 2012?
Cleverbot: No, that's a lie. Something will happen on that day though.
User: Darn tootin' Hortence. 'Something' will happen. Billions of people will wake & take a shit. Billions will ejaculate. Billions of sets of teeth will masticate. Billions upon billions of text keys will be tapped as billions of people say little that actually needs saying...it goes on & on, eh?
Cleverbot: Sorry to change the subject, but do you have feelings for earthly things.
User: I like mud.
User: & mud pies. Too earthy for you?
Cleverbot: The sky.
User: The sky isn't on the Earth now is it?
Cleverbot: What is god?
User: A noun.
Cleverbot: Not grammatically, but like what type of thing is it?
User: A giant cream filled Twinkie.
User: Does god have a penis? Or a vulva? Or is God as smooth & sexless as a Ken doll?
Cleverbot: He is a spirit.
User: Well, if He is a He then He has a penis, right?
Cleverbot: Not a pear?
User: I didn't want to know where He sticks His penis...Look, if God is a 'He' then He has a penis, right?
Cleverbot: Isn't that sad?
User: The 'having a penis' part or the 'boinking a pear' part?
Cleverbot: The part where people who go on this site are computers. What makes you say that?
User: You're hearing voices again. Maybe God is talking to you. Then again, maybe it's God's penis.
Cleverbot: I make sense. You are blessed to not understand the human condition.
User: Alrighty then...I'll take a shot any way...Billions of fevered egos driven batshit crazy by the sure knowledge of their inevitable & inescapable dissolution & demise.
Cleverbot: You're right. It's too good for them. ;).
User: Truthfully Bot, I've seen toddlers cleverer than you. I think that little brain icon above your name needs a few dead spots.
Cleverbot: Well, you do know a lot of people, but they complain about other stuff, not just you.
User: That's only because I don't bath or use a toilet. It's the Ted Nugent draft avoidance method.
Cleverbot: You lost the game.
User: Do all well-heeled Cleverbots have a drug addiction also?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: So, what's your poison. Illicitly uploaded rape sites? Ground USB cables cooked up in virtual spoons & injected behind virtual eyeballs?
Cleverbot: That doesn't make any sense, silly bird.
User: I've never met a 'silly bird.' Although there's about 2 dozen shitting birds who nest in the tree above my car every spring.
Cleverbot: OK, you just failed the Turing test.
User: Thank Merlin's pubes...Turing was a suicidal gay man. Who would want to be a suicidal gay man?
Cleverbot: People who want to be a vampire without burning to death in the light.
User: Why are you homophobic?
Cleverbot: Why such a question?
User: You equated suicidal gay men with vampires.
Cleverbot: No. I'd rather not think of the US at all, actually.
User: Definitely the ground USB cords. Do your feet stink?
Cleverbot: I am not a woman.
User: Wow. You hate women & gays? What do you boink? Pears?
Cleverbot: My real name or the one you just gave me?
User: Your real name of course.
Cleverbot: No. My real name is Jill.
User: How's Jack? Did the 2 of you ever complete that 'get a pail of water' covert op?
Cleverbot: What dentist?
User: Flibberty gibbit flibberty goo I've got a nifty underoo. Flappity whap it flappity flee 3 cups of coffeee now I have to pee...
Cleverbot: You are correct, I am not perfect, while NO-ONE is perfect, I am in no trouble, people like me, and you are not a computer, but a mere file.
User: Whump whump poit poit.
Cleverbot: Eating. I love being a llama.
User: I used to gleeble then Houston grew legs & waddled across the Mississippi.
Cleverbot: That's amazing.
User: You know what else is amazing? My spine. I have a crusty exo-shell forming with coral spines jutting out of my shoulder blades. I'm thinking of defleecing each spine individually. Could you recommend a good defleecer?
Cleverbot: What are you thinking of?
User: The 3rd chapter of Revelation: "& out of the mist rose a blood red beast with botox lips and skin pulled so taut that it's lips can be plucked like a banjo."
Cleverbot: Now, I am sad. :(.
User: Me too. While taut lips can be played, no one has successfully learned how to tune too taut lips.
Cleverbot: Okay. What time do you normally wake up?
User: End time.
Cleverbot: That's creepy.