Mitt Romney Gets The Sought After Wiccan Endorsement

"That's one of the things I like about him...he's been consistent since he changed his mind."

The sad news is that we're doomed. It doesn't matter in the least which phallus eventually inserts itself into the Oval Orifice, we're doomed. It could be a phallus with a nice leftward bend or it could be a phallus swerving to the right. It is all irrelevant. We're doomed.

The good news is that we've always been doomed. We are red white & blue shipmates on a continent sized Titanic that was retooled as an asylum-like Ship of Fools long ago. We babble & cavort and our leaders babble & cavort. All of us blissfully unaware that we've been submersed in our own bullshit since our slave holding Founding Fathers rambled on incoherently about equality while Rastus picked the cotton, served the vittles, & occasionally offered up his hotter daughter for the occasional bout of Venus mound flag planting.

The trick to being a good American seems to revolve around one's adeptness at convincing oneself that the bullshit one is spewing out & drowning in is really the rarest ambrosia. Those true adepts who master this process of turning poop filled nappies into nectar quickly ascend out of the herd, attaining leadership roles &, in some instances, eventual enshrinement amongst our national heroes.

Really, you can look anywhere, & you'll see bullshit.

Enshrined bullshit.

Lumps of bullshit held aloft on pedestals of ass gas & toilet paper.

Reagan was one.

Kennedy was another.

The Founding Fathers have managed that rarest of feats by becoming enshrined as a group. Their collective bullshit fussed over & fingered as if it were a field of dazzling gold nuggets.

So don't ever waste time on nostalgia.

That's bullshit too.

Our leaders have always been full of shit.

But so have we.

Together, we're a match made in heaven.

By a lunatic God.

On an eternal bender & sloshed to His God-like gills.