Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Note To Self: Leave The Computer Alone.....

Alright already America, I know you people have been blinded, bullied & buggered.
I know you've been sold a prettily gift wrapped turd & trained to ooh & aah over it like it was a great big diamond.

But, enough is enough.

JUNEAU, Alaska – Bristol Palin is hitting the speakers' circuit and will command between $15,000 and $30,000 for each appearance, Palin family attorney Thomas Van Flein said Monday.

Van Flein confirmed a report by celebrity news website RadarOnline that the daughter of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has signed with Single Source Speakers. He added her exact fees will depend on factors such as which group she's addressing and what she must to do prepare.

Bristol Palin, 19, is listed on the speaking group's website as available for conferences, fundraisers, special events and holidays, as well as women's, youth, abstinence and "pro-life" programs.

'kay...let me get this straight...she used to like cock, but now she doesn't?
& she's gonna charge $15,000 to $30,000 dollars to tell folk this?
& people will actually sit there & listen?
Does she have anything else to say? Or is she just a one trick ho-ny....ooops....I mean one trick pony act?
Let's see...

He said he believes she's interested in expanding her message beyond teen pregnancy to include her experiences on the campaign trail and in the media spotlight; her parenting approach; and her outlook on life.

Oh, okay. That's much better.
The 19 year old wants 30 grand to share her "outlook on life."
Well, that sounds interesting.
I always find a 19 year old's advice to be quite astute.

But, then again, these niggling doubts keep creeping in.

Won't her real message look more like "getting knocked up leads to fame & fortune?

Plus, this seems so opportunistic, doesn't it?
Kind of like her version of Bush's "through my tears I see opportunity" spiel...except in widdle Bristol's case it's more like "Through my open thighs I see opportunity."

My god, are you people insane?
Has 60 fucking years sitting in a right brain trance in front of a little screen scrambled your brains so much that this is what you've degenerated into?
Have y'all been fed so much dipshit make believe that you people now live entirely in a land of fantasy?


Then we get this nugget from sweaty Teddy;

So Teddy wanted a presidential candidate to suck on his machine gun eh?
Gee Ted is soooooooooooo fucking manly.
I bet he killed a bushel full of gooks during Nam.
Probably has all kinds of medals.

Let's see if we can find his army record.

Oh no. Ted was rejected. Or, more precisely, he was given a...WTF?...a student deferment?
But, but Ted was in the Amboy Dukes. Then he went solo. He wasn't in college.
I wonder if there are any other details.

(Nugent claims) that 30 days before his Draft Board Physical, he stopped all forms of personal hygiene. The last 10 days he ingested nothing but junk food and Pepsi, and a week before his physical, he stopped using the bathroom altogether, virtually living inside his pants caked with excrement and urine. That spectacle won Nugent a deferment.

Oh no.

Teddy went poopy in his pants.

To escape killing the nasty socialist commie types he says he wants to kill now.

It also means that Teddy Bear has the balls to shoot at this:

and this:

and this:

but he'd rather spend 10 days sitting in his own excrement than get within a million miles of these motherfuckers:

I get it now, for 40 years or so Teddy has been singing about poontang this & poontang that, & I always thought that this was just a thinly veiled euphemism for female genitalia.

My bad.

The songs were were all autobiographical ditties where Ted just sings about himself.


It's amazing how the most vociferous proponents of family values always have their wiener in an unsanctioned wiener hole

& the biggest homophobes always find themselves craving some nice hard wiener

& the biggest war mongers are, at heart, just big yellow bellied cowards.

Like Ted Nugent.

Take some advice Ted, stick to hunting deer. Obama might be packin' heat & I'd hate to see you shit your pants all over again.

Remember Teddy Bear, ain't no fun when the rabbit gots a gun.

Is it?

I also got my weekly TV fix at work Sunday morning. Someone settled on "Real Housewives of New Jersey."
Watching it made my frontal lobe throb.
Every woman looked like a pre-operative trans-sexual.
Skinny men with hormone inspired titties.
"Women" so tanned they looked like over-cooked hamburger meat, babbling on endlessly about absolutely nothing.
If the show's purpose is to demonstrate that semi wealthy social climbers are as utterly fucking boring and neurotic as I am, then I suppose it succeeds quite well.
If it's purpose is to show me a "lifestyle" that I should aspire too, then it's a dismal failure.

One "woman" kept explaining how she likes to wish everyone "light & love."
What the fuck does that mean?
What if I'm trying to sleep?
Then someone pulling at my pecker while the sun shines in my eyes would seriously piss me off.
What kind of "life & love" could this bitch be wishing for anyway?
As she sits in her posh restaurant in her designer labeled sweat shop made clothes clogging up the airwaves with her over-priced & vacuous twaddle?

Who watches this shit anyway?


ericswan said...

That tears it. The last vestige of an American hero bites the big one. If only we could hang on the legacy of Hunter S. Thompson but then he was implicated in a number of snuff films of women and children. Maybe David Carridene could carry the ball(s) for the good ole U.S>Eh?

just_another_dick said...

I was going to suggest George Washington Eric, but he steals library books.

I've been checking out your boy Joe Farrell lately.
Interesting stuff. Now, if I could only convince my library to purchase his earlier books because reading the later ones makes me feel like I've wandered into the middle of movie.

ericswan said...



ericswan said...


cut and paste gets you there.