Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The End Is Nigh And It Smells Just Like Poop

I have to say that I was highly depressed that I didn't see all the goody two shoe Christians jetting off into space. The idea that we only had a few more months of life left for our lovely human/talking monkey meat sack zoo was quite comforting.

"Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation
From this bullshit 3 ring circus sideshow of freaks"

Thankfully Reverend Camping found out it was just a computational error. Evidently Saturday was only the day of "God's judgement." Evidently by committee.

From what I understand, The Father, The Son & The Holy Ghost met in a celestial boardroom & hashed out the details of God's Santa-like naughty/nice list.

Here's a bit of the transcripts I obtained from "IamGODandyabestlistentoMe.com."

Holy Ghost: What about Lady Gaga?

Jesus: Myself! What's your problem Ghost? You know how the Big Guy feels about that trans-gender shit?

Yahweh: (muffled sounds of snoring)

Jesus: It's a good thing He's still in His Odin Sleep.

Holy Ghost: Sorry Joshua. OK, how about George W.?

Jesus: Well, that's a given. Y'know how it goes, "drunkards & fools & such?" GW happens to fit both criteria.

Holy Ghost: Right. A big check for GW.
What about Noam Chomsky?

Jesus: Sorry. Socialist. If God wanted people to help each other He wouldn't have made them to be such selfish bastards now would He?

Holy Ghost: Check.

(This literally goes on for billions & billions of pages so I'll end it there.)

Luckily Reverend Camping wasn't wrong about that end date though.

Oct. 21st.

Mark those calendars kiddies, there is the granddaddy of all light shows on the horizon.

Personally I'm getting all goose pimply just thinking about it.

Coca Cola And Armageddon
We Like It, We Like It, Yes We Do
Coca Cola And Armageddon
It's The Real Thing
Now Come And Get It

No comments: