Fun Facts For All

Here are some nifty historical factoids my teenaged son learned at his public school this year:

1. Slavery took place during the Great Depression.

2. The Great Depression did not take place during the 1930s.

3. Auschwitz Concentration Camp was in Germany.

4. Angels are real.

The Alchemical Church Of Enhanced Bovines

The U.S. military is already using, or fast developing, a wide range of technologies meant to give troops what California Polytechnic State University researcher Patrick Lin calls “mutant powers.” Greater strength and endurance. Superior cognition. Better teamwork. Fearlessness.

Now imagine a future battlefield teeming with amphetamine-fueled pilots, a cyborg infantry and commanders whose brains have been shocked into achieving otherwise impossible levels of tactical cunning.
These enhancements and others have tremendous combat potential, the researchers state. “Somewhere in between robotics and biomedical research, we might arrive at the perfect future warfighter: one that is part machine and part human, striking a formidable balance between technology and our frailties.”

Greater strength and endurance. Enhanced thinking. Better teamwork. New classes of genetic weaponry, able to subvert DNA. Not long from now, the technology could exist to routinely enhance — and undermine — people’s minds and bodies using a wide range of chemical, neurological, genetic and behavioral techniques.

It’s warfare waged at the evolutionary level. And it’s coming sooner than many people think. According to the futurists at the U.S. National Intelligence Council, by 2030, “neuro-enhancements could provide superior memory recall or speed of thought. Brain-machine interfaces could provide ‘superhuman‘ abilities, enhancing strength and speed, as well as providing functions not previously available.”

Qualities that today must be honed by years of training and education could be installed in a relative instant by, say, an injection or a targeted burst of electricity to the brain. Rapid advancements in neurology, pharmacology and genetics could soon make such installations fairly easy.

These modifications could give rise to new breeds of biologically enhanced troops possessing what one expert in the field calls “mutant powers.” But those troops may not American. So far, the U.S. military has been extremely reluctant to embrace human biological modification, or “biomods.” And that could result in a veritable mutant gap. In this new form of biological warfare, the U.S. could find itself outgunned.

But not if Andrew Herr can help it.

A 29-year-old Georgetown-trained researcher with degrees in microbiology, health physics and national security, Herr is one a handful of specialists in the defense community preaching greater U.S. investment in biomods. First as a consultant with the Scitor Corporation, a Virginia-based firm whose clients include top military and intelligence agencies, and later as the head of his own research organization, Herr’s job has been to think about biological modifications whose effects he says are “more than evolutionary.”

The military-industrial complex just got a little bit livelier. Quite literally.

That’s because Darpa, the Pentagon’s far-out research arm, has kicked off a program designed to take the conventions of manufacturing and apply them to living cells. Think of it like an assembly line, but one that would churn out modified biological matter — man-made organisms — instead of cars or computer parts.

The program, called “Living Foundries,” was first announced by the agency last year. Now, Darpa’s handed out seven research awards worth $15.5 million to six different companies and institutions. Among them are several Darpa favorites, including the University of Texas at Austin and the California Institute of Technology. Two contracts were also issued to the J. Craig Venter Institute. Dr. Venter is something of a biology superstar: He was among the first scientists to sequence a human genome, and his institute was, in 2010, the first to create a cell with entirely synthetic genome.

“Living Foundries” aspires to turn the slow, messy process of genetic engineering into a streamlined and standardized one. Of course, the field is already a burgeoning one: Scientists have tweaked cells in order to develop renewable petroleum and spider silk that’s tough as steel. And a host of companies are investigating the pharmaceutical and agricultural promise lurking — with some tinkering, of course — inside living cells.

Editor's note: This op/ed is by Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky.

The first day of a new Congress always represents a fresh start, when the newly risen dead assume their positions at the table of government. This year, it also presents a perfect opportunity to tackle the single-greatest challenge facing our nation: why our elected leaders look like a gathering of unrepentant child molesters, panty sniffers, glue huffers & all around degenerate bastards. Alas, we didn't do this, preferring to concentrate on boring budget issues instead.

Earlier this week, I helped negotiate an imperfect solution aimed at avoiding the entirely imaginary “fiscal cliff.” I say "entirely imaginary" because "the cliff," much like our economy, is a complete illusion.  If I had my way taxes would not have gone up on anyone. In fact, if I really would have had my way, I would have proudly wandered through the halls of government wearing nothing but that fetching silk bra and panty set I keep hidden for "special occasions," tossing tax dollars to pre-lubed cabin boys as they worship my flaccid old penis like it was a God....

(ahem...)

I digress...

Initially, we, the only true Americans, wanted a budget that would reflect our values. We sought to have anyone who isn't independently wealthy shot & their bodies dumped into a giant wood chipper.
Oddly, our position became untenable once the wood chipper idea was made public.

Instead, we were forced to accept an entirely unfavorable solution put forth by a President who has come to represent everything reprehensible about the human animal. He is, as I'm sure you're all well aware, a BLACK HITLER.

I think that this should be a lesson & a warning for every lily white honky cracker reading this today.
After years of slavery & discrimination, minstrel shows & blaxploitation cinema, a new day is about to dawn & a new leader is seizing the reins of power...

A frightened Senator McConnell preparing to give President Obama the Black Power salute at the start of yesterday's budget negotiations

Julie Keith was unpacking some of last year's Halloween decorations when she stumbled upon an upsetting letter wedged into the packaging.

Tucked in between two novelty headstones that she had purchased at Kmart, she found what appeared to be a letter from the Chinese laborer, who had made the decoration, pleading for help. 

The letter reads: "Sir, if you occasionally buy this product, please kindly resend this letter to the World Human Right Organization. Thousands people here who are under the persecution of the Chinese Communist Party Government will thank and remember you forever."

"I was so frustrated that this letter had been sitting in storage for over a year, that this person had written this plea for help and nothing had come of it." Julie Keith told Yahoo! Shine. "Then I was shocked. This person had probably risked their life to get this letter in this package."

The letter describes the conditions at the factory: "People who work here have to work 15 hours a day without Saturday, Sunday break and any holidays. Otherwise, they will suffer torturement, beat and rude remark. Nearly no payment (10 yuan/1 month)." That translates to about $1.61 a month.

Long live Mao!!!

American Capitalist pig shopping addicts

don't care how cheap goodies are produced

as long as cheap goodies stay cheap.

They buy & buy & buy...

makes them horny...

love shopping better than children,

better than parents,

better than mate...

flock to malls in droves,

the new American Mosque 

& Synagogue 

& Church, 

genuflect before entering Macy's 

then touch groin repeatedly 

as arousal becomes uncontrollable. 

Each credit card swipe 

elicits moaning acquiescence 

before the Gods of Commerce...

in background a repetitive video loop 

of degraded Chinese workers plays over & over....

young girls fondled as 

young boys made to lick their master's boots....

while credit limits are renegotiated and realigned...

infinite growth rapes a finite world...

infinite growth rapes a finite world....

repeat it like a mantra...

enlightenment achieved through

the gaping maw of consumption

we are mouths 

& assholes

& teeth

oh my

we are mouths

& assholes

& teeth

oh my

Another Apocalypse come & gone.

Now I suppose that the inevitable post-Armageddon blues will set in...

Every Apocalypse is always the same.

You bust your ass sinking the shipping container under 20 feet of dirt, then you furiously race from store to store, hoarding can goods like an elf hoards wood putty. You make your list & check it twice & thrice & you plan your escape should the zombified hordes of hungry humans overrun your position, maybe squeezing up the prefabricated chimney/escape hatch you had spot welded onto the shipping container, then a quick jaunt to a waiting freezer truck packed with frozen deer meat where you hightail it somewhere North & cold & deserted.

Then what happens?

The Apocalypse is here & gone before you know it & all you're left with are the bills & the guilt.

Thankfully the esteemed Huffington Post has a handy guide to navigating those nasty post-Armageddon blahs.

1. Cut yourself some slack.

Always good advice. So you spent your entire retirement fund on MREs &  fed your children substandard meals so you could use the extra money to buy 3 generators & a water purification system. So what. Just breath...breath again...then forgive yourself.

2. Work in structure.

In other words...return to your normal schedule. This may be hard since you've completely alienated all your co-workers with your incessant prepping & talking about prepping & describing what other preppers are doing that they may not want you. It probably won't help that you shrugged off participating in this year's Secret Santa gift exchange by loudly exclaiming, "You're all gonna fuckin' die," and then laughing maniacally.

3. Get your pamper on.

This does not refer to your plan to wear diapers while you were crouched down in your hidden spider hole. What they're suggesting is that you pamper yourself back to equilibrium. For example, you know that box of Twinkies that you had scheduled for the week of 10/12/16...well it's time to live large buddy...crack that mother open and eat them all. The entire week's worth.  Or maybe it's time to buy yourself that tactical assault rifle you saw at Merle's gun show. Hell, live a little son.

4. Stop the Armageddon binge.

That means no more canned goods, no more shipping containers &, most of all, no more urine to drinking water conversion kits.

5. Add in Omega-3s

They're suggesting that you boost your brain functions by gobbling up some good old fatty acids.
This is fine line you're walking here. You want to boost brain function past the depression level but you need to ensure that brain function doesn't exceed the credulity level otherwise you risk missing out on the next Apocalyptic scare.

6. Think high intensity.

So you want to gear up that work out. Maybe use live ammo for your barbed wire crawl or maybe set yourself a goal of 3 freshly dug spider holes a day. Mood changes should soon follow.

7. Know when it's time for help.

This is a tricky one. I'm assuming that they mean recruiting extra hands to help secure your compound against any future apocalyptic meltdown. I'm almost 100% positive that they're not, in any way shape or form, suggesting that you get within 10 miles of any mental health professional.
DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!!!!!!

I sincerely hope that this helps you weather the storm of post-Apocalyptic depression.
We here at DickCentral™ understand how you feel.
Humanity sucks.
& it deserves erasing.
Just think positive & remember

Better luck next time.

2 1/2 hours into DOOMSDAY & the world's still here.

What a fucking bummer.

Goddamn Mayans...lying sacks of Injun shit.

I guess I'll have to put the shipping container up on Ebay.

Maybe the MRE's will sell too...

I guess I can finally stop shitting in compost buckets...

Fuck

Stoopid Mayans

Stoopid calendar

We humans are strange little critters.

I wonder if gazelles stop and mill about as the unlucky slowpoke gazelle gets gobbled up by the lions?

Do they postulate endless conspiracy theories as they attempt to make sense of the carnage?

Since I steered clear of massacre stories today...zero TV...zero radio...no cell phone...no Crackbook account...only enough Internet to note the ever changing Massacre headlines as the day long feeding frenzy played out with the media doing their astute job of sniffing out bloodshed, knowing they had a rapt audience of accident scene rubber neckers to placate...I'm woefully short on details.

So don't expect any.

What I did do, at day's end,  is pay a visit to 2 of my favorite crackpot websites on the Internut, Loren Coleman's Twilight Language & the Rigorous Intuition Forum.

I've come to the conclusion that I could write their material without them.

It's so fucking predictable.

Everyone is just so sad, but, surprisingly not sad enough to stop blog & forum posting.
Because we all know how important it is.

Right?

What did these people do before the fucking Internet?

They must have led lives of incredibly empty loneliness as all of their incite & wisdom went for naught. Sitting, muttering to themselves in isolated little rooms with wistful music playing in the background.

Well Yay Internut!

You do have a purpose.

Too bad they don't.

These folk have been playing the same old story for fucking years & years & years...

Pontificating  about the  same revolving door of crap they've read in books or on the Internut...

LARPing the roll of revolutionary on nice hermetically sealed forums with other like minded LARPers.

Yet, magically, nothing ever changes.

The slaughters continue...

Does Loren really believe that if he juggles enough names that somehow, in the juggling, he'll find a reason for it all?  God's Etch-A Sketch in action.

Does Loren believe that he is somehow magically above the media, who he castigates endlessly for glorifying spree killers and instigating their recurrence, when he posts endless reams of blog posts dissecting the massacres as if they were secret messages from God?

Do the RI Forum crew seriously believe they're doing anything other than re-spoon feeding a shitload of spoon fed news stories to each other.

Retyping the same tired second & third & 40th hand stories over & over again?

More importantly, do these pathetically lonely mental cases really think that type on a screen makes them part of "a community."

Jesus, are these people really that fucking alienated?

If the Mayans are right and the 21st is the end of it all, I suspect that there isn't much of us left to kill.

After all, you can't kill what's already dead.

It's now 6 AM. For 32 of the next 40 hours I'll be working with the polar opposite of RI Land, RepubLand. Yippee! Please oh please oh please God, I promise I'll stop being an unbelieving wanker asshole as long as You keep Anti-UN guy from showing up this weekend. I can hear him now:

"You know, that school shooting was a well orchestrated para-military operation jointly planned by the UN & President Obama. It was carried out under the auspices of MK-Ultra in order to coalesce public opinion behind a seizure of OUR GODDAMN GUNS and furthermore yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah yadda blah yadda blah yadda blah blah blah....

Oh frabjuous joy Caloo Calay....