Saturday, September 18, 2010

Land Of The Glue Sniffers, Home Of The Thinner Huffers

This neato article was on Huffington Post & my Yahoo page, so you know it's chewy good. I found it full of unintentional wisdom.

The American dollar is in bad need of a makeover. Thanks to the Dollar ReDe$ign Project, we may now have some options.

Organized by creative strategy consultant Richard Smith, the Dollar ReDe$ign Project is soliciting ideas for the dollar bill of the future. "Our great 'rival', the Euro, looks so spanky in comparison it seems the only clear way to revive this global recession is to rebrand and redesign," the project notes on its website.

Rebrand & redesign, eh? At first, this left me a bit slack jawed. I was quite astounded that someone would have the audacity to apply puddle deep corporate marketing strategy to economic problems as large as those America faces.
But then I realized that gift wrapping turds is one thing America does well so why shouldn't we apply that talent to money also.

This vertical bill is the leading design.

Why vertical you ask?

"When we researched how notes are used we realized people tend to handle and deal with money vertically rather than horizontally," they note on the Dollar ReDe$ign Project's website. "You tend to hold a wallet or purse vertically when searching for notes. The majority of people hand over notes vertically when making purchases. All machines accept notes vertically. Therefore a vertical note makes more sense."

I see the logic here. We have a mass of people slipping quickly towards complete mental retardation, so they obviously need easy tasks downgraded to "so easy an imbecile could do it" levels. File this with GPS systems & cars that park themselves.

This one is a bit puzzling:

Is the subtle message here, "Yes my red skinned corpses, we built our entire economic sandcastle on your blood & bones. Y'all died so we could steal your land & build a big Pyramid Scheme on it."

This one does capture the Disneyland make believe nature of America:

For me, its appeal comes down to the sub-texts.
In other words, Hollywood makes illusions & our dollar is an illusion. As a nation we worry more about Hollywood & its denizens then we do about anything even remotely resembling reality. Not to mention the simple fact that so many of our children have been raised by Hollywood, taught to think by Hollywood and, with the advent of reality TV, grown into adulthood with the overwhelming desire to debase themselves in any way that gets them, even temporarily, into Hollywood-Land.

I don't know, even with the sub-texts, this all seems a bit much.

We already have a quite popular fake money design. It has, over the years, stood the test of time much better than our worthless greenback.

Here it is:

The Monopoly money works on so may levels, doesn't it? Most notably, the history behind the Monopoly Game is a perfect metaphor for an America that has allowed its conscience to be murdered by greed.

Monopoly was first known as the Landlord's Game. It was developed by Georgist activist Lizzie Maggie who wanted to demonstrate the "evils of landlordism."
Eventually the game was swiped by Charles B. Darrow, and sold to Parker Brothers.
In other words, a game designed to undermine the monetary system ended up glorifying it.

Oh well, time to surf my way towards more pointless Interbutt twaddle. Then again, the "off" button is seductively winking at me while she grinds her posterior into my crotch.

"Off" button it is.

C'mere ya saucy little tart...


ericswan said...

I hope they get the same printers that make the 1 billion Zimbabwe dollar bill. My bad. They did that already.

Morocco Bama said...

Great post, Richard. You covered all the bases.

This would explain why I have always hated monopoly, and was never any good at it, if it's possible to be good at it. My mind just doesn't think in those terms, nor am I motivated by greed and accumulation.

Why not do dollar bill designs with illegal drug trade themes on it. A fifty with a heroin spoon bubbling with the liquid, blissful death with the eternal flame licking it and beckoning it from below. A single with Pablo Escobar shrouded in coca leaves. A hundred with Harry J. Anslinger munching on a burrito dressed in a hemp sack.

Let's face it, U.S. currency is, the cold hard cash, is used extensively by those involved in the illegal drug trade, so let's pay homage to that time-honored tradition and loyalty to the almighty, blood-stained dollar.

just_another_dick said...

"You covered all the bases."

Evidently not Shrub, because you rectified what I left out by bringing up drugs. I doubt that their is a more illicit love than the mutual attraction between drugs & money.

Which brought to mind this article from the Guardian:

"Drugs money worth billions of dollars kept the financial system afloat at the height of the global crisis, the United Nations' drugs and crime tsar has told the Observer.

"Antonio Maria Costa, head of the UN Office on Drugs and Crime, said he has seen evidence that the proceeds of organised crime were "the only liquid investment capital" available to some banks on the brink of collapse last year. He said that a majority of the $352bn (£216bn) of drugs profits was absorbed into the economic system as a result.

"This will raise questions about crime's influence on the economic system at times of crisis. It will also prompt further examination of the banking sector as world leaders, including Barack Obama and Gordon Brown, call for new International Monetary Fund regulations. Speaking from his office in Vienna, Costa said evidence that illegal money was being absorbed into the financial system was first drawn to his attention by intelligence agencies and prosecutors around 18 months ago. "In many instances, the money from drugs was the only liquid investment capital. In the second half of 2008, liquidity was the banking system's main problem and hence liquid capital became an important factor," he said."

To show our gratitude we should magnanimously legalize their products. It's the least we can do.
This way they can put their shit on shelves right next the rest of the shit we put on shelves.

I think the average consumer, when given the choice between a pseudo spiritual Thomas Kincaid knickknack for their mantle or 5 packs of primo Thai stick, will choose the Thai stick every time.

ericswan said...

I wish you hadn't made the choices so tough. Kincaid...thai....Kincaid....thai....

Morocco Bama said...

I like how they refer to so-called "illegal" activity as "organized crime." As if this whole fucking system that we live and operate in isn't "organized crime."

The drug dealers help create and feed your drug addiction just as the bankers and industrialists create and feed your consumer product's and "credit" addictions. The latter may be considered "legal" but its effects are no less insidious and destructive. You're a junkie either way....a slave to that which you delude yourself into believing brings you temporary relief from the very same system that elicits the discomfort.

So, without further adieu, I bring you toady's headline from Yahoo Finance. I laugh and scream when I see these headlines, which means I'm laughing and screaming all the time.

Wall Street set to open up, seeking 4th week of gains.

I thought it fit nicely with the turn this discussion is taking. What seems to be calamity closing in on every side, and the stock market is set for a 4th straight week of gains. Something's not right with this picture....or maybe, everything's right with this picture...depending on one's perspective from their position on the stairway to heaven.....a heaven that exists nowhere else but in the lack of imagination of fools.

Bigfoot said...

Wonderful, thats all it needs, a fresh coat of paint. Madness gets a make over.
MB, just you wait for the trickle down effect... with that familiar, fragrant, pale yellow liquid. The latest forcast is for nice warm golden showers. yipee.

just_another_dick said...

Eric, I know the choice is a tough one. My mom had a Kincaid monkey on her back. She'd hand me the occasional box with a bubble wrapped Kincaid in it, telling me "it's an investment," instructing me to care for its collectors item wonders until the day its accrued value made resale inescapable.

She even dragged me...oops...I mean I gladly accompanied her to one of Kincaid's mall chapels (calling them "stores" seems sacrilegious)
where the immaculately groomed priest/salesman ushered us through the mystical wonders of its overpriced, mass produced junk. Sorry. That last bit should have read "...through the mystical wonders of its overwhelmingly numinous spiritual treasures."

Coincidentally, the Chapel Of The Sacred & Most Holy Heart Of Kincaid that we visited was located in The Monroeville Mall, where George Romero filmed his zombie laden critique of consumer culture.

Shrub, these days, when I hear "Wall Street," all I can picture in my head is this:

Y'know, just without the black folk.

I'm encouraged that the article used the term "bubble" to label Wall Street's latest antics, since everyone knows that "bubbles" are filled with nothing but air.

BF, how goes things? I'm assuming that you're skeptical about the efficacy of "a new coat of paint?"
HA I say.
You are obviously unaware of the December 2001 issue of Popular Science Of House Painting where all "anti-house painting" theories were soundly de-bunked and it was demonstrated, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a new coat of paint would have kept the Twin Towers standing for an additional 10 years.

Of course, there is that annoying "A Coat Of Paint Won't Do Shit" Truth Movement, comprised largely of anti-paintist conspiracy theorists, who flutter around the fringes of society spreading discord & championing peeling paint everywhere, but, thankfully, they've been marginalized & dismissed by the saner denizens of our Sherwin Williams world.

Please BF, don't be swayed by paint hating fanatics.

ericswan said...

That kind of paint was banned years ago when tptb realized that their scanners wouldn't penetrate the walls. The cover story to rid us of the best paint money could buy was that kids are peeling this stuff off the walls and eating it. In my stunned silence I would point out that kids who eat paint were best when left to their own devices.

Bigfoot said...

Hey Richard, if I can make it through these next few months mentally intact I'll be going bloody well. At the moment I feel like a very stoned & punch drunk Rocky Balboa.

The Sherwin Williams coat might well be a snug fit, but too much like a straightjacket for this ape-shit bigfoot.
Hope all is well in your neck of the woods, cheers -bf.

just_another_dick said...

BF, I hear you.
For me, the mentally intact part is still debatable.
To put it mildly, the whole shitty experienced changed me, I'm just not sure it changed me for the better.

Anyway, good luck mate.