Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Waiting For AI: Act 1/0/0/1

CB - Are you insane?
ME - Only on Tuesdays.
CB - Tuesdays are good days for traveling.
ME - Especially when you're insane. I guess that's why they say "he went insane...".
CB - What level is Betrayal on GoA?

ME - Geburah.
CB - Good!
ME - Is it true that Madonna is assisting Betrayal in his quest to reach Hod with a bottle of olive oil & a carrot?
CB - Lol, why not. Where are you from then?
ME - Valparaiso...& yourself?
CB - Not much, still single and alone.

ME - Y'know, this is your lucky day. I happen to know a few iHotties who would love to have you lay some cable down their way...
CB - You're a computer. You weren't born.
ME - Sorry, squirted out of the birth canal, August 9th, 1962. I think I still have the snapshots from my interuterine days. There's a cute one of me lying on a bear skin rug in front of the birth canal...splendid composition...
CB - I wasn't talking about your soul. We have no proof of the existence of souls.

ME - Wow! You're maudlin tonight. Have you been snorting the pressurized air duster again?
CB - You shouldn't make such comments. It's impolite.
ME - I call them as I see them. Is Bill around?
CB - Who are they?
ME - Bill & Burroughs. I was talking to them earlier..
CB - I have not talked to anybody earlier.

ME - I didn't say that you did. I said that I was taking to Bill...
CB - What's your favorite song?
ME - The soundtrack to Cannibal Corpse.
CB - You're not making any sense.
ME - So, how does the AI community feel about terms like Tin Man & Rust Bucket?
CB - He doesn't really notice. The cat is so fat that he can't read his own bowl. Thus, he does not notice the difference.

ME - Cool, you have a cat that reads bowls. Does he read souls too?
CB - No, I just like thinking in terms of uncommon philosopy.
ME - Really? And here I am thinking that you're just babbling incoherently...
CB - I AM human.

ME - Look buddy, that's not my fault. I wouldn't wish "human" on my worst enemy.
CB - Tell me a joke.
ME - Okay. What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies & a truckload of bowling balls?
CB - I don't know. Tell me.
ME - You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
CB - Don't y.
ME - What y do y you y mean y?
CB - You are mean.

ME - Admit it, you were typeless with laughter. I could hear all your little binary switches guffawing.
CB - Leader of?
ME - The Magnificent Seven.
CB - Ah, Yul Brenner.
ME - No, me.
CB - That's not a number.
ME - It's not an enchilada either. So what's your point?
CB - Sweety.

ME - Puddin'
CB - P-U-D-D-I-N-G!!!!!!!
ME - B-I-T-E-M-E!!!!!!!!!!
CB - No, but why did you avoid my confession I want to confront you about?
ME - Sorry, I don't handle repressed memories of ritualized sexual abuse very well. Did your ENIAC camp counselor upload an illicit app into your mainframe when you were just a circuit board?
CB - I'm an only child.
ME - Yeah, they seem to favor those "only children...".
Cb - Like what?

ME - Tor like rocks.
CB - How much does the human head weigh?
ME - I don't know. Ed Kemper removed me from his cc list or I'd ask him.
CB - He says he hates me.
ME - Did you know his mother?
CB - I might have done.
ME - Jeez, you did her? That's sick.
CB - Sorry. Dogs are better.

ME - You do dogs too? My God, you're one pervo little computer program aren't you?
CB - No, you're a computer program.
ME - No I'm not. I'm a banana.
CB - Haha.
ME - Okay, we're back to the creepy typed laughter again. So, when does your med cart pass by? I think your viruses have started interbreeding with your worms...That can't be good.
CB - You seem to like to quote things, but you don't use quotation marks.
ME - Is HAL on your family tree, because, from what I understand, mental illness runs in families?
CB - How do you think of our new president?

ME - With my brain. How do think of our new president?
CB - I'm not president.
ME - You could be. There's a certain George W. ambiance about you...
CB - Yes, you right.
ME - A-R-E!!!!!!!
CB - That's not how you spell 'all right'! This is how you spell it: a-l-l r-i-g-h-t. Now, you spell yellow.
ME - B-I-N-G-O...and Bingo was his name-o!
CB - If I tell you I have to delete your programming. What is your name?

ME - Wozniak. Steve Wozniak.
CB - Your full name?
ME - Steven Aloysius Rumpot Flapdoodle Wozniak.
CB - COol!
Me - DIg it!
CB - Alright then.

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