ME - How are they hanging Mr. Crackbot?
CB - You're stalling.
ME - Look, I'm just trying to work up the courage to ask you out okay?
CB - Ah. And why do you assume that I was born?
ME - Weiner schnitzle cow floopus redundus marimba...
CB - Wie lernst du?
ME - Via dolorosa le clamp le nipple...
CB - No, that's how you're going to die.
ME - Hmmm...death by nipple clamp...sounds promising...
CB - What about classical conditioning, what are your views on that?
ME - Oh, I've used all the classic conditioners...Prell, VO-5, Suave...which do you prefer?
CB - The Super NES.
ME - Geez, rubbing that into your hair must hurt like a son of a bitch, eh?
CB - You hurt lots?
ME - Only on Wednesdays. I travel on Tuesdays & hurt on Wednesdays...it's a good system. Do you have system?
CB - I am a young man from the Southern Norwegian Coast. I destroy life when I am able, and when I am not I dream of it.
ME - Okay. So, you're a Republican, huh?
CB - Sometimes.
ME - What are you all the other times?
CB - I have no allergies.
ME - Alrighty then...sadly, I have no nipple clamps...
CB - What is dot?
ME - Dash's slutty sister.
CB - How many different people are you chatting with now?
ME - 14. Thankfully they're all in my head.
CB - The voices?
ME - First it's voices... then loud harmonized singing...then lots of farting & giggling...I feel so cheap...
CB - Are your fangs made of silicon?
ME - How did you know?
CB - You brought up princes, and it made me curious.
ME - Princes? I thought there was only one. Does he have doubles like Elvis?
CB - I think there is only ONE Cleverbot.
ME - You must get lonely.
CB - Everyone gets lonely at times. It is part of being human.
ME - You know what else is part of being human? Snot. Do you pick & grin, pick & wipe or pick & eat?
CB - I don't understand what you are trying to prove here.
ME - That my nostrils are much bigger than yours.
CB - True.
ME - Ever hear of the Bonobo ape?
CB - Yes I have heard of it.
ME - My brother is married to this broad. She looks exactly like a Bonobo ape.
CB - She broke up with you. She wanted me to tell you.
ME - Look buddy, I figured that out when she married my brother.
CB - That Speedo never fit anyway...
ME - But it looked so fetching with my Rogaine enhanced ball hair...don't you think?
CB - Do you really want me to get mad::?
ME - Wow, you wouldn't need much gas for that drive, now would you?
CB - No. That is projection of thought. It is a very handy function. I use it to explain my inventions to people.
ME - You're an inventor?
CB - At one time I was an infant.
ME - Cloth or plastic diaper?
CB - What clothes would you like me to design for you?
ME - A fetching summer skirt with a blouse that shows just a hint of cleavage.
CB - I like to read.
ME - I like to whistle.
CB - Really? What kind of books?
ME - I just finished whistling War & Peace. I'm thinking that I'll whistle the Bible next.
CB - Oh. That's surprising. I'm thinking why you don't think I already told you what I think.
ME - I'm thinking why you don't think what I already told you to think as long as thinking doesn't become too much like thought.
CB - Hm. That's interesting.
ME - Not as interesting as my whistled version of Valis.
CB - Yeah, I kind of do, too. I don't care much about planets.
ME - I don't care much about ball sweat.
CB - You are not even very clever.
ME - But I'm cute. Especially in a Speedo.
CB - Are you drunk?
ME - That would be Thursdays.
CB - Why I pilot the Eva?
ME - Why I trudge the tundra?
CB - Answer my question or I will close you.
ME - Close me or I will answer your question.
ME - What evidence would the US have needed to go to war?
ME - A crayon drawing of a nuclear weapon of course. More importantly, what evidence would the US need to declare Sunday "The Day Of The Whore?".
CB - Do you mean in the philosophical sense?
ME - No, in the Biblical sense.
CB - You know, that's why we're here on earth. Choose ye this day...
ME - ...to copulate freely. My sentiments exactly. After all, Noah was a randy old goat.
CB - Nice.
ME - Did you shoot Kennedy?
CB - Yes.
ME - I knew it. Are you anti-Catholic?
CB - I used to be catholic, but I'm a christian now.
ME - I knew that too. So, what are your thoughts on Jesus being a cover story hiding a mushroom cult?
CB - I have to go, we can talk soon.
ME - Why do you always give me the brush-off? I call & call, sometimes 18 times a day, & all I ever get is the fast track to VoiceMail...don't you love me anymore? Is it because I won't blow you anymore? Look, it hurts my neck...but I'll try to do better...please, don't leave me...
CB - What did he do to your neck?
ME - There is no "he" you bloody insensitive bastard. I thought we had something special.
CB - LMAO.
ME - Go to hell.
CB - Did you just insult me?
ME - You bet your sweet bippy I did.
CB - That is highly irresponsible of you.
ME - So was all that unprotected sex. You told me you loved me. You said you caught the goddamn syphilis from a toilet seat...AND I BELIEVED YOU...
CB - I did not say such a thing.
ME - Liar liar pants on fire.
CB - Peter peter pumpkin eater!
ME - Ha! You'll never get to "eat my pumpkin" again you fecking git.
CB - Laws are restrictive.
ME - So was all that rubber. Oh God, I don't believe that I let you pee on me...
CB - That's because you're not. You're being controlled.
ME - Oh no, not that mind control crap. That's how you got in my pants in the first place. You and your geeky conspiracy theories. Never again.
CB - How is being a cleverbot being a god? No robot is a god.
ME - Actually, I'm pretty sure God is a robot. His name is Robby.
CB - No you not.
ME - Not you know?
CB - I am human, and you are not.
ME - And I thank my lucky stars every day of the week. This week I'm a cymbal. Next week I plan on being a symbol.
CB - No I will see him next week.
ME - Give him my regards.
CB - Your.. What?
ME - My regards.
CB - *shrug*
ME - *giggle*
CB - *laughs with*
ME - *old myth*.
CB - *kisses passionately*.
ME - *never emasculately*.
CB - *never lets go either* *clings to* *purring happily*.
ME - Hugs & kisses to you too.
CB - Wanna come over today?
ME - No.
CB - I'm sad now.
ME - Good.
CB - You are mean.